As a parent, do you generally believe things will work out okay for your kid?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for the responses. Looking back at my post, I realize it makes it sound like I'm focused on education and college admissions, and that's not accurate. I was just listing some things I think about that contribute to my general sense of worry.

Reading these responses, I think one reason I worry more than others is that I don't have that supportive family structure you are talking about. My spouse and I come from challenging backgrounds and are more likely to be asked to help parents and siblings with serious issues (health problems, divorce, addiction, mental healthy) than to get any form of support. I really feel like I am on my own a lot in terms of parenting and there are so may things to think about. I wish I could give my child a supportive network of extended family but I can't. We have friends, of course, but it's not the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for the responses. Looking back at my post, I realize it makes it sound like I'm focused on education and college admissions, and that's not accurate. I was just listing some things I think about that contribute to my general sense of worry.

Reading these responses, I think one reason I worry more than others is that I don't have that supportive family structure you are talking about. My spouse and I come from challenging backgrounds and are more likely to be asked to help parents and siblings with serious issues (health problems, divorce, addiction, mental healthy) than to get any form of support. I really feel like I am on my own a lot in terms of parenting and there are so may things to think about. I wish I could give my child a supportive network of extended family but I can't. We have friends, of course, but it's not the same.

OP, I’m a DP who thinks it will work out okay and who also mentioned the importance of family stability.

DH and I both come from very dysfunctional families. We are far and away the healthiest of our collective siblings. Our parents can mostly support themselves, but will leave us nothing. We don’t have an extended network of supportive family; we do each have very close friends who are like family, though, i.e., they would be our children’s guardians should anything happen to us.

I know friends aren’t the same as family and I know it sucks to lack a supportive extended family (believe me, I know). The good news is that your kids don’t need a supportive extended family to thrive: they need close, loving relationships with their parents. Because it’s all on me and DH, we work hard to practice real self-care, i.e., boundaries. So, no, we won’t be supporting our siblings or parents because we can’t afford to. We don’t engage with their dysfunction, even if it means a smaller family circle. I urge you to do the same, if you’re not already, because for you to be there for your kids, you have to be there for yourself. So, yeah, I mostly think things will work out okay for my kids because I trust me and DH to provide the basics of what they need. We don’t have to give them the moon, we do have to be present with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sheesh, is it really that bad if my kid doesn’t get into UVA? Or VA tech?

Won’t some of the “lesser” schools start getting better due to the increased spillover of smart kids that can’t get into UVA?

This. Maybe because I'm from a very middle class background where most of my relatives didn't even go to college, but I have very modest expectations for my children. I know they are bright, but I'm okay if they go to CC or take a non-traditional path. I just hope they can get a job where they can support themselves, even if they aren't "high earners".