Did anyone here get married but not TTC immeasiately?

[Anonymous]

Married at 26 and first baby at 31. That didn't feel like "waiting" to me it was just when we were ready.

[Anonymous]

Lots of people wait. Some people wait to get married. Some people wait to finish grad school or buy a house. Some people have miscarriages or dealing with infertility.

I usually assume infertility if they have been married for a while and the wife is over 35. The older you are, the less likely you are able to wait.

Of course you may want to wait if you are in your twenties or early thirties if you are still in school or just started your career. Your biological clock may dictate if you are 38. I had a friend who met her husband at age 36 and they got married at 38. She didn’t want to have a baby right away because she wanted to enjoy her honeymoon life. At age 39, she kind of freaked out that she wasn’t getting pregnant. They ended up divorcing.

[Anonymous]

Married at 22, kid at 28. We had time to travel and live together and grow up as a married couple before adding the stress of a baby, for which I’m grateful.

[Anonymous]

No, if we had time on our side we would have waited but I was 34 when we got married, and then I had kids at 35, 37, and 40.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married at 26 and first baby at 31. That didn't feel like "waiting" to me it was just when we were ready.

Same for me. We'd both just finished grad school in different states when we got married so needed some time to get settled in work and life.

I was 35 when the 2nd was born.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you marry later you are waiting. A lot of my friends waited until 30 to marry and they married only to have kids (they would have just lived together if they didn’t want kids).

We met at 20, married at 25 and waited until 30 for kids.

Maybe people are marrying later because they don’t find their person until later? Not everyone meets their spouse at 20 like you did. I would rather have kids in my 30s than have kids with the wrong person in my 20s. Why do people on this board bash “older” parents with such glee?

DP but I did not see any bashing in that post. It was very matter of fact. You sound overly sensitive and defensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you marry later you are waiting. A lot of my friends waited until 30 to marry and they married only to have kids (they would have just lived together if they didn’t want kids).

We met at 20, married at 25 and waited until 30 for kids.

Maybe people are marrying later because they don’t find their person until later? Not everyone meets their spouse at 20 like you did. I would rather have kids in my 30s than have kids with the wrong person in my 20s. Why do people on this board bash “older” parents with such glee?

I read the post to mean they were together (i.e. right person) but would not have formalized it with marriage unless and until they wanted kids. I know several long term couples who don't see the point of marrying if they don't want kids.

[Anonymous]

I was married at 30, first kid at 32 (positive pregnancy test 11 months after getting married). Second kid at 34. Wanted to have a year or so to enjoy our life as a couple. No regrets, although in hindsight, if I had been able to get married earlier (by meeting spouse earlier in life than I did), I probably would have preferred to start a family a tad earlier than I did.

[Anonymous]

Well, starting trying at 30 is already biologically late in the game of fertility. However, biology be damned if couple isn't ready for parenting. It truly alters your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you marry later you are waiting. A lot of my friends waited until 30 to marry and they married only to have kids (they would have just lived together if they didn’t want kids).

We met at 20, married at 25 and waited until 30 for kids.

Maybe people are marrying later because they don’t find their person until later? Not everyone meets their spouse at 20 like you did. I would rather have kids in my 30s than have kids with the wrong person in my 20s. Why do people on this board bash “older” parents with such glee?

Imho North American culture bashes people who actually meet their people in their early 20's and want to marry them in mid 20's and have kids in late 20's. As an economy driven society we are actively delaying adulthood, marriage and parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married at 27, had our baby at 40. We didn't intend to wait that long to try but life got in the way. Kid is great, marriage is great. I'm very grateful.

Irresponsible and dangerous

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you marry later you are waiting. A lot of my friends waited until 30 to marry and they married only to have kids (they would have just lived together if they didn’t want kids).

We met at 20, married at 25 and waited until 30 for kids.

Maybe people are marrying later because they don’t find their person until later? Not everyone meets their spouse at 20 like you did. I would rather have kids in my 30s than have kids with the wrong person in my 20s. Why do people on this board bash “older” parents with such glee?

Imho North American culture bashes people who actually meet their people in their early 20's and want to marry them in mid 20's and have kids in late 20's. As an economy driven society we are actively delaying adulthood, marriage and parenting.

This was me. I didn't feel bashed. But I am definitely the outlier. Most of my friends are 5-10 years older than me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you marry later you are waiting. A lot of my friends waited until 30 to marry and they married only to have kids (they would have just lived together if they didn’t want kids).

We met at 20, married at 25 and waited until 30 for kids.

We met at 19, married at 23. Had first at 32. It’s been a wild ride. I’m not sure what age timeline is better? I’m def more tired and although I enjoyed our years as just a married couple, once we had kids there became this bigger purpose and the world became very colorful. There were also years when we were childless that I just felt sort of empty. I was raised in a very family centric lifestyle (church) and it was missing for much of our relationship.

[Anonymous]

Engaged at 26, married at 27, first baby at 29.

Last baby at 36.

[Anonymous]

Counterpoint:

https://hmmdaily.com/2018/10/18/your-real-biological-clock-is-youre-going-to-die/

"...I was 35. My wife would soon be pregnant, for the first time. We had dated for a good long while, been engaged for a good long while, been married for a good long while. We had bought a house in the suburbs and then we had sold it and moved overseas. It was all a sensibly paced series of life events, at appropriate-seeming times.

It did not occur to me, in any real way, that as we did this, we were spending down a limited resource. In our social world, in our cultural class, at our point in history, people are brought up to take the opposite view, to structure their lives as if time were something a person accumulated. One is wary of getting married too soon, of having children too young. Adulthood is a condition to enter cautiously and gradually.

From certain angles, this breeds disdain—penniless millennials eating avocado toast, forty-year-old men skateboarding in sneakers and t-shirts, slovenly and undisciplined generations refusing to commit to lives and careers. But the complaining is halfhearted, a way for the older cohort to convince itself the younger cohort might be safely held at bay. And to point out the shortcomings of adult-aged people is, at bottom, to argue that maturity is something rarefied. The figure of the kidult exists as a warning that you should not move on to the next step until you’re certain you’re ready.

But this idea of certainty is a sham, a distraction, something to turn your attention away from the only truly certain thing, which is that your time will run out. If you intend to have children, but you don’t intend to have them just yet, you are not banking extra years as a person who is still too young to have children. You are subtracting years from the time you will share the world with your children."