On a coffee chat with boss’ boss, I was asked about my interest in boss role

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In addition to what others said, it’s clear that whatever is going on, your immediate boss is aware. Otherwise he wouldn’t be telling you about the coffee date.

Agree with this. People seem to think well of you so you may be able to fix this. In the future don’t say anything bad about yourself when you’re complimenting someone else.

I used to do that self-deprecating thing too, OP, had to really learn to make an elevator pitch and bite my tongue. They do seem to think well of you so in a way you are then criticizing their judgment, so, don't do that.

I think an email is a good idea, for a big boss that was an investment of time, never hurts to say thank you and to express interest in opportunities.

Thanks for starting the thread, I feel more prepared for such a meeting now myself, I would also have been caught off guard. It can be helpful to cultivate mentors in your organization and industry that can kind of proactively coach or even give you a heads up.

Good luck, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would send a follow up email. "Enjoyed meeting you. Question admittedly caught me off guard. I love boss and think he's fantastic, but I would definitely be interested in advancing to a similar role if one became available."

This exactly. OP, you're fine. Don't worry about the trolls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How to handle?

Boss told me this morning that his boss (lets call him Big Boss) wanted to get coffee with me. I had never met this person before even though I have been 7 years with the company. So I said yes. During the casual coffee chat, Big Boss asked me if I wanted boss’ role. This shocked me so I said, I think boss is awesome in his role and I cant match his institutional knowledge and style.

Then coffee ended (like there was still half a cup left in mine!)

I felt ambushed.

How would you have handled it differently? Any tips going forward? Im a director, worked my way from associate. Boss is VP and Big Boss is Senior VP. Do I tell my Boss what happened?

Ugh. A guy in your shoes would NEVER have replied how you did. You can compliment your boss and say you’re ready and capable to move up if he is moving up or on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think sending a thank you email can never hurt, so I would do that. Just saying that you appreciate Big Boss' interest in your career and how much you enjoy working for Company X. Not sure if bringing up a desire to learn more/progress is appropriate or not, though given that OP seemed to be saying she was happy where she was when they talked in person.

I find his abrupt ending really odd too, OP. I hope this is just a weird blip and things get back to normal soon.

Abrupt ending is not weird. boss boss is feeling people out and could tell OP doesn’t get it or doesn’t want to. That’s fine – he’s moving on.

[Anonymous]

Instead of assuming this is about pushing your boss out or a “gotcha” to report back to your boss, what if you assume it’s about succession planning and determining if you are someone they want to mentor to be ready for your boss’s job someday. Instead of “do you want x role”, pretend the question was “where do you want to go with your career and how can we support you?”

I would draft a SHORT note to say you were caught off guard and state your career goal / where you see yourself going in the company.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here— I am in my late 30s. Yes, it was embarassing. I totally thought it was just a get to know you chat. Bug boss basically got up and said he is running late for his next meeting… we were there less than 30 minutes.

Sounds like it went as poorly as possible tbh. Your response should have been "yeah I can do it/figure it out" not "I definitely can't do it as well as ___"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here— I am in my late 30s. Yes, it was embarassing. I totally thought it was just a get to know you chat. Bug boss basically got up and said he is running late for his next meeting… we were there less than 30 minutes.

Sounds like it went as poorly as possible tbh. Your response should have been "yeah I can do it/figure it out" not "I definitely can't do it as well as ___"

Not OP but this is not in any way constructive. What can be done NOW?

[Anonymous]

Huge mistake, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP here— thanks again guys. Just really caught me off guard and felt protective of my boss (which I have a very good relationship with). If it were my boss who asked, it would have been a different story. Big boss has a reputation for being a bit of a bulldog, and I always felt that my manager protected me a bit/shielded me from that.

We learn from experience, right?

I did send the thank you email.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, you bombed it, OP. You should have said "absolutely, that's my long term goal!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Huge mistake, OP.

A pile on is not helpful. Offering advice as to what to do now could benefit OP. You can get dopamine from being nice, not just by kicking someone when they are down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here— thanks again guys. Just really caught me off guard and felt protective of my boss (which I have a very good relationship with). If it were my boss who asked, it would have been a different story. Big boss has a reputation for being a bit of a bulldog, and I always felt that my manager protected me a bit/shielded me from that.

We learn from experience, right?

I did send the thank you email.

Good job sending the email. I hope good things come your way. Was your boss said anything since the coffee meeting?

Hope you have a peaceful evening, OP.

[Anonymous]

^ HAS your boss, wish we had an edit button

[Anonymous]

Good luck, OP! I was the first person to respond in this thread. We all have brain farts and I’m not sure I would have followed my advice to you in the moment.

[Anonymous]

Op here: big boss responded saying it was nice to get to know me.

im forgiving myself because honestly i was undercaffeinated at 7:30 in the morning, i had just gotten in and my boss walks in to tell me to meet big boss in the lobby for a coffee chat. No context. No idea on timeframe. And we walked to a really far coffee shop (when we could have just gone to several nearer ones) Anyhooooo, i treated myself to a good sushi dinner and a pint of ice cream, and tempura and yaki soba for the kids. The occasion? Mom rocked it today and learned alot at work.

All about framing right?