Would you listen to your parents if they told you not to marry someone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me. I am glad.

My ex had a congenital heart problem. My mom told me it would lead to a lot of heartbreak to have kids with him. More is now known about his health (very rare genetic defect) and I have to admit she was right. He’s under 40 and on a list for a heart transplant now. I have 3 healthy kids with someone else.

You must not have loved this man.

I don’t love anyone enough to saddle my children with heartbreak and congenital conditions or myself with single parenting and widowhood.

DP. But choosing not to marry someone with a KNOWN problem doesn’t mean that your children won’t experience heartbreak and congenital conditions. And it certainly doesn’t assure that you won’t end up a single parent or a widow.

Right. But it greatly bettered her odds. I think she had every right to make the choice she did. I think I would encourage my daughter to do the same. It doesn’t mean Man number one wasn’t wonderful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Each of my parents have been divorced three times, so their opinions on marriage carry no weight.

lmao!

Maybe they have learned by their mistakes and know what not to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me. I am glad.

My ex had a congenital heart problem. My mom told me it would lead to a lot of heartbreak to have kids with him. More is now known about his health (very rare genetic defect) and I have to admit she was right. He’s under 40 and on a list for a heart transplant now. I have 3 healthy kids with someone else.

You must not have loved this man.

I don’t love anyone enough to saddle my children with heartbreak and congenital conditions or myself with single parenting and widowhood.

I warn my young adults to date only people who are mentally, physically and financially healthy. It hugely important.

[Anonymous]

A lot of people were against my marriage to a south asian guy. They said it was due to cultural differences. I have been married for 11 years, and it has been very, very tough. I had no issues with his side of the family, surprisingly. They are the sweetest, and I'm so happy they are in my life. I am very close to my sisters-in-law. My husband and I have a division of labor issue, but I gained a lot of genuine friendships because of our marriage.

[Anonymous]

No. While I think my mom always has my best interests in mind, she is very judgemental. We clash way too much culturally. I'm divorced now, and I share nothing of my dating/romantic life, even if she asks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me. I am glad.

My ex had a congenital heart problem. My mom told me it would lead to a lot of heartbreak to have kids with him. More is now known about his health (very rare genetic defect) and I have to admit she was right. He’s under 40 and on a list for a heart transplant now. I have 3 healthy kids with someone else.

You must not have loved this man.

She may have loved this person. We all know marriage is hard, why set yourself up to make it harder. Why would you want to go into a marriage and have kids with someone that might not be around to help you raise them? Love does not conquer all. The practicalities of life are important when considered who to marry.

I don't know -- as a person who is in a very loving, great by any standard marriage, the practicalities still matter.
It sounds like OP would have been setting herself up to be an early widow, single parent and potentially/likely parent to kids who lost their dad early. I can see why that might be a choice to think twice about, signing up for widowhood.

[Anonymous]

Every adult has a right to marry the person they want. He/she doesn't have the right to make this decision for another adult, even if that adult is his/her child because he/she isn't a child anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on your parents and how they've guided you in the past. If they're always looking out for your best interests, then it's worthwhile listening to them. If they have a history of screwing with you, why would you listen to them?

This. I would take my parents' concerns very seriously, because they are good people and we have a good relationship.

[Anonymous]

My mom's parents told her the opposite. They told her to marry someone. She and my father had been divorced for maybe 5 years and was living with another man. They told her that she was "living in sin" and needed to marry him. Turns out that was one of the biggest mistakes of her life. It lead to a horrible 7 years of marriage and eventual divorce.

That was a huge life lesson for me. They gave other advice based on their evangelical lifestyle as well. It was almost universally bad in retrospect. When someone bases their opinions on religion, I immediately stop listening.

[Anonymous]

If I was 19 or early 20s, maybe. If I were 30+, hell no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends on whether they have good judgement or not.

If they didn’t want me to marry someone because they were racist, then no.

If they didn’t want me to marry someone who was an unkind or unreliable person, then probably.

Yeah but you won't be able to see that yourself. Love is blind.

[Anonymous]

My parents had no concept of boundaries and were way too involved in my (and my sibling's) life. Their driving concern was that I would end up single, which was the worst fate in their opinion. They pressured me to marry DH even when I had my doubts.

My marriage is okay in many respects, but there're some deep issues. To this day I do not know if I'd made the right choice. But one thing I know for sure was that if I were to do it over again, I'd stand up to my parents much sooner and tell them to butt out of my life.