My 16 year old drove my car without a license

[Anonymous]

To those people castigating the OP, stop it. In no universe would my kids do this but I know it’s because of the way they are wired. Some kids absolutely would and the question is how to change their behavior.

OP. Definitely stop the process of getting a license. At least by 6 months.

Then get her to research in the local law library what the penalties are if she were caught. Have her the look up some actual cases in the last five years on what happened to kids who were caught. Tell her getting this paper written for you, along with the 6 month (or whatever) automatic delay is what the new conditions for her getting a license are.

Be kind but firm. Your rules are not up for discussion.

Somehow you have to get her to see the consequences of her behavior rather than just punishing her. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To those people castigating the OP, stop it. In no universe would my kids do this but I know it’s because of the way they are wired. Some kids absolutely would and the question is how to change their behavior.

OP. Definitely stop the process of getting a license. At least by 6 months.

Then get her to research in the local law library what the penalties are if she were caught. Have her the look up some actual cases in the last five years on what happened to kids who were caught. Tell her getting this paper written for you, along with the 6 month (or whatever) automatic delay is what the new conditions for her getting a license are.

Be kind but firm. Your rules are not up for discussion.

Somehow you have to get her to see the consequences of her behavior rather than just punishing her. Good luck.

Not enabling is not castigating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To those people castigating the OP, stop it. In no universe would my kids do this but I know it’s because of the way they are wired. Some kids absolutely would and the question is how to change their behavior.

OP. Definitely stop the process of getting a license. At least by 6 months.

Then get her to research in the local law library what the penalties are if she were caught. Have her the look up some actual cases in the last five years on what happened to kids who were caught. Tell her getting this paper written for you, along with the 6 month (or whatever) automatic delay is what the new conditions for her getting a license are.

Be kind but firm. Your rules are not up for discussion.

Somehow you have to get her to see the consequences of her behavior rather than just punishing her. Good luck.

She literally could have killed someone and taken her family's fiances to the brink.

[Anonymous]

OP do what you want you will anyway. Not sure why you posted.

Grounding her is a waste don't bother.

You are very lucky she didn't hurt someone and your family having to cover those costs.

Your kid is a spoiled brat who needs a job and no car til she can pay for it herself with her paying for insurance.

There is no reality where what she did should be just nothing or just grounding that's just dumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a first cousin once removed who did this, had an accident and a passenger who was one of his friend’s died. Awful tragedy. Devastating for the community. 1st cousin once removed went to jail. Financial hardship for his family. You need to make a real effort to make your kid realize how serious this is.

And my brother and I each borrowed/stole the car multiple times with no problems at all before we had licenses and were allowed to drive without a licensed driver in the car with us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a first cousin once removed who did this, had an accident and a passenger who was one of his friend’s died. Awful tragedy. Devastating for the community. 1st cousin once removed went to jail. Financial hardship for his family. You need to make a real effort to make your kid realize how serious this is.

And my brother and I each borrowed/stole the car multiple times with no problems at all before we had licenses and were allowed to drive without a licensed driver in the car with us.

And my sister and I rode around in the back of my mom’s Pinto with no seatbelts, staying the car while she shopped in the summer in Fresno and we lived.

So everyone should!

[Anonymous]

How was she supposed to get to school? Did you expect her to miss it because you weren't feeling well?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a first cousin once removed who did this, had an accident and a passenger who was one of his friend’s died. Awful tragedy. Devastating for the community. 1st cousin once removed went to jail. Financial hardship for his family. You need to make a real effort to make your kid realize how serious this is.

And my brother and I each borrowed/stole the car multiple times with no problems at all before we had licenses and were allowed to drive without a licensed driver in the car with us.

And my sister and I rode around in the back of my mom’s Pinto with no seatbelts, staying the car while she shopped in the summer in Fresno and we lived.

So everyone should!

And your story is not relevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How was she supposed to get to school? Did you expect her to miss it because you weren't feeling well?

Why don’t you read the thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her drivers licence was delayed til she can afford her own car and insurance.

No discussion.

And I would have had her arrested.

Yes I would have.

I read a horrifying incident once where a guy called the police on his son in a similar situation and the police ended up shooting the boy.

https://www.salon.com/2013/11/08/dad_calls_cops_to_teach_son_a_lesson_cops_shoot_son_dead/

[Anonymous]

I'm normally an empathetic, "let's talk it" out sort of a parent. But this is a huge deal. Extremely poor judgment that shows she is not yet ready for a license.

Driving is an enormous responsibility. There is nothing else my child does every day that could kill him or someone else. If he had done this all driving and possibility for a license would have stopped for at least 6 months. And he would have had some other consequence for at least a couple of weeks: grounding, no phone, no internet...IDK.

This would be pretty out of character for my kid, though. I would talk first and figure out if he'd actually gone to school or had some other "emergency" he felt warranted taking the car. It wouldn't change the consequence but I'd want to know if something else was up.

[Anonymous]

I’m an upstanding citizen now but when I was 16 I snuck the car out with only a learner’s permit for a joyride around town. I don’t know what I was thinking. I was a straight-laced goody-two shoes nerd in all other facets of life. But it was a beautiful breezy spring day just made for a spin with the windows down.

My parents did not catch me thank goodness, but if they had they would have certainly delayed my license. If my own teen did that, I think I would delay license and restrict car privileges to bare minimum for a certain length of time.

[Anonymous]

I’m somewhat ashamed to say that 40 years ago I did this as well. If it’s any consolation, I turned out just fine. I was actually caught because one of our neighbors saw me and reported it back to my dad. As I recall, I was confined to my room for a week. We laugh about it now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m somewhat ashamed to say that 40 years ago I did this as well. If it’s any consolation, I turned out just fine. I was actually caught because one of our neighbors saw me and reported it back to my dad. As I recall, I was confined to my room for a week. We laugh about it now.

That is not relevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Her drivers licence was delayed til she can afford her own car and insurance.

No discussion.

And I would have had her arrested.

Yes I would have.

I read a horrifying incident once where a guy called the police on his son in a similar situation and the police ended up shooting the boy.

https://www.salon.com/2013/11/08/dad_calls_cops_to_teach_son_a_lesson_cops_shoot_son_dead/

So instead of getting better cops, we defund them so you either get raging high dropouts or you’re on your own. Nice.