Coworkers keep commenting on my clothes - what should I be wearing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work in a small office and know my coworkers pretty well - enough to know DH and I have the highest HHI by far (though still low by DCUM standards, maybe $220k). I don't flaunt that, but I do tend to dress nicely and carry better handbags than them, for the simple fact that I'm very overweight and can't get away with cheaper fabrics and less structured accessories - I look like a fat slob! I'm not even talking super pricey - maybe a Coach or Brahmin bag and Talbots or J Jill vs. Target or LuLaRoe. I do have a pair of Louboutins I used to love wearing but had to stop, because...

...they continually comment on how pricey my clothes (and the few purses, especially) must be. Where is the happy medium here? Nothing has giant logos on it, so like I said, I'm not flaunting. Our dress code is business casual, but lots of people wearing leggings and tunics, something I just can't do. Do I really need to buy a cheap purse for work purposes? I love spending a bit more on them because handbags don't care how much I weigh.

I’ve dealt with similar dynamics my whole career because I work in government/non-profit land, and DH is in the private sector and makes way more than I do. So we can afford for me to buy nicer clothes and shoes. Like you, nothing really crazy expensive and no logos, but people still comment. I just don’t really respond. Like maybe I half-smile and say “mm,” but I don’t owe them an explanation for how I spend money.

[Anonymous]

It's a tough call, OP. On the one hand, your coworkers are completely wrong and just trying to put you in your place. On the other, these dynamics develop in offices, and staying under the radar for things that don't impact work is for the best. You certainly don't need to wear clothing that makes you uncomfortable like workout wear, just dial back whatever catches their eye. E.g. if no one wears silk shirts, find a simpler woven shirt. And, whenever there is a reason to step it up, like a regional meeting, wear your nicer things knowing you can put them in their place if they pipe up.

[Anonymous]

They're being rude, you should absolutely not change anything.

[Anonymous]

Obviously cargo shorts, flip flops and a crop top.

[Anonymous]

Tell them you're frugal and buy everything used.

[Anonymous]

Those are pretty basic brands. They aren't high end. What kind of crap do your coworkers wear?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those are pretty basic brands. They aren't high end. What kind of crap do your coworkers wear?

That was my question. Where do you work people dress like such crap? Those are all like GS-11 brands, nothing fancy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, can I ask what clothes/brands you wear? I’m about a size 16 and wanting to up-level my wardrobe.

It’s in the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those are pretty basic brands. They aren't high end. What kind of crap do your coworkers wear?

That was my question. Where do you work people dress like such crap? Those are all like GS-11 brands, nothing fancy.

Do you think no one can tell this is a sockpuppeting slam on the OP? Mean girls are so obvious.

[Anonymous]

For years, I was half the age of my coworkers and the only POC in the office. I got a lot of comments about dressing up every day. They were not nicely said and often intimated that I thought I was better than the other women. Finally, one day I snapped, and said “This is my armor because I have to prove myself every day. Clients won’t take ME seriously in jeans.” They never said anything about my attire again.

You could be honest “I feel much more polished this way and it gives me a confidence boost.”

[Anonymous]

On the other hand, this suggests to me that they don’t think of you as the fat girl. They think of you as the rich girl.

[Anonymous]

Do you EVER comment on your things? Like responding with a "yeah it was a splurge but I love it" or "well I needed a new one because the old one was getting worn". Or if they say they like it or it looks expensive, do you just say "thank you"? Anything other than a "thank you" can be taken the wrong way.

My hhi is higher than most of my coworkers. I don't dress like it, but I keep my mouth ZIPPED about vacations, home projects, even going to a nice restaurant. If bits and pieces come out (can't ignore the question "where did you go for your vacation") I completely downplay and just focus on the fact the we had fun spending time together or the weather was great without going into details.

[Anonymous]

Just say - “Yep, I do love my clothes. That’s my thing. We all have our thing.”

[Anonymous]

I only make comments when colleagues' outfits look great! And to say just that!

I'm Fed, so office salaries aren't secret. Some of my collegues have extremely wealthy private sector partners and some are single parents, so I would never comment on what anything costs. Some colleagues are thrifting and others are relying on personal shoppers.

Never let anyone make you ashamed or embarrassed to dress the way that makes you feel the best!

[Anonymous]

You could be honest “I feel much more polished this way and it gives me a confidence boost.”

It really is all it is.