How do I nicely tell my MIL to stop using a nickname she created for my DD?

[Anonymous]

My mom does it and while I don't love the name I wouldn't even consider taking the risk of offending her. She is way too important to us.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the other posters who said they cherish the nicknames their grandparents had for them. My grandparents all died before I was born but my dad had a nickname for me that most people would think was strange, and while I went through a phase of not liking it, now I have nothing but fond memories of it. Family nicknames are given out of love. Your daughter will be called many names throughout her life that you have no control over, accept that this is one of them and be grateful that she has a grandmother who adores her.

Honestly, for all the shit that MILs get on these boards, if I were one and my DIL told me I couldn't call my GC "mikey" or "gracey" or whatever, I would be bitching her out all over the DC Urban Grandma Boards.

[Anonymous]

When my daughter was in nursery school people started calling her a shortened version of her name with the "y" on the end. We never called her that - always used her full name, or a very short version of her name. At first, it irked me; we gave her a beautiful name that most people love. However, within a short amount of time, she started referring to herself by that name and now - 12 years later - that's her name. Interestingly, we hardly ever use that name at home! It just doesn't matter!

[Anonymous]

OP, my MIL does the exact same thing: takes my DD's one-syllable name and adds an "y" to the end during her weekly skype calls. It makes me cringe like nails on a chalkboard every time I hear it. The thing is, DD is still a toddler who doesn't talk, so it never seemed to make sense to correct my MIL when she does it (particularly since I'm just in the room during these calls - not actually involved in them). And I have secretly been hoping it will stop on its own. So should I take from the PP's postings that I'm supposed to interrupt her when she's talking to my DD and say, "No - that's not her name" or I forever waive the right to comment? Seems kind of premature for me to do it now - I actually think it makes more sense to do it when DD is closer to OP's DD's age and starts reacting to it.

[Anonymous]

Make up an annoying nickname for your MIL (i.e., she's like Nana? Call her Nanny. Mimi? How about Minnie? Or add a "y" to your FIL's name). Maybe she'll get the hint (or think its great that they have their own little nicknames for each other!).

[Anonymous]

OP, if your MIL asked you to stop using a nickname or pet name you have for your husband, on the grounds that she thought long and hard about his name, how would you feel? Would you be offended? Would you accede to her request?

[Anonymous]

PP that is a very good question, provides some real perspective on the issue.

[Anonymous]

I totally did NOT give my DS a family name because I knew my MIL would add the y to the end of it as she does DH's older brother (who is in hs 40's) and I hate it. Its too bad really because i like the name but it's hard to take an adult seriously when their mom is walking around saying "Mikey would you like milk with your dinner" Ugh! Sorry OP looks like this is between your DD and MIL.

[Anonymous]

Wow, you're nuts. Of all the things I've read on DCUM, this is just the downright silliest thing to get mad at your MIL over. Be glad your daughter has a grandmother who loves her and that this is the only (non!) issue you have with her.

[Anonymous]

When your child makes friends, they will develop nicknames for her and adding a y to any name is quite common. Unless your child dislikes it (does not sound like that is the case), I would let it go -- ESPECIALLY if your child actually likes Grandma calling her that...would you really want to take that away?

[Anonymous]

My brother and SIL were adamant that their son be called "John Louis" (both names), until he started calling himself "Johnny." LOL

My son, on the other hand, gets mad when others call him a shortened version of his name.

I say, leave it up to your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Adding a -y for a child's name is a simple diminutive. It's not some brand new, made up nickname. Let your MIL call the child what she wants. When the child is older, she can announce "Grandma, I'm now going by Ruth, not Ruthie, as befits my new stature in life." It's a rite of passage for a child to throw off her Granmother's pet name for her!

This.

When I was a kid everyone called "Patty" - short for "Patricia". It was fine until I hit about 15. First I changed how "Patty" was spelled. Then a few years later, I just asked most people to call me Patricia. (But not my grandparents -- I figure they can call me whatever they like.)

Let it be your child's decision - it's her name and their relationship. It's not yours anymore.

[Anonymous]

This made me laugh. My grandmother called me by a different name, i.e. Kerri instead of Karen. I didn't even like Kerri, and I'm pretty sure I let her know it, but she still ALWAYS called me Kerri. She just liked "Kerri" better. My aunt and uncle, and even my grandmother's friends, began calling me by the alternative name. Anyway, it was completely wacky, but no one made a big deal about it, especially my parents. I just accepted it as one of her harmless eccentricities. She was a good person. She's been dead for seven years, so we'll never get to have that conversation. Too bad, because I think it would have been a funny one. Looking back, it really didn't amount to a hill of beans. And I say this as a rather controlling individual myself!

OP, if it really doesn't bother your child, let this one go. Let them have their "thing."

Perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I completely understand that this would be annoying. My advice -- since you asked -- is that being mildly irritated by things grandparents do is part of the territory, and we, as parents, have to let it go. Here are some suggested screening questions for grandparental behavior: Is it unsafe? Is it inconsistent in some serious way with how you raise your child (for example, rocking to sleep if you don't do this)? Is it just a terrible idea demonstrating grandparental lack of judgment, even if not immediately unsafe (for example, grandchild eating only cupcakes all day long)? If it doesn't fall into these major categories (and there may be others for other parents), then it's just ... annoying. Annoying is not serious enough to hurt the feelings of the grandparent, IMO. And since there's no really un-hurtful way to say, "MIL, I am annoyed by the special nickname you gave to ___. Please henceforth call ___ by his or her given name," my advice is to let it go.

This is fantastic advice. I need to have it tattooed on my arm to keep referring to next time my MIL is in town. It's so easy to get caught up in the little annoyances!

[Anonymous]

OP - FWIW, I think you are doing the right thing to let this one go. Your DD will probably grow out of it, and if not, it won't matter. That can be a name between them and it likely won't spell over to her daily life (e.g., school).

There are all kinds of things that my MIL does that pisses me off. Both my DH's parents and my parents are local, so we get to see TONS of them. And I let pretty much everything not related to child-safety go. My children ADORE my MIL. And I love that they have that bond with her. I never really knew any of my grandparents, so I feel like this is almost a gift to my kids - to be close to their grandparents. But with that closeness comes annoyance (which I just let go).