Indian vegetarian food for Jewish friend.

[Anonymous]

You are a model for open-minded dialogue. Some of the responses to your good intentions were harsh. Still, you remained polite and encouraged further discussion. We need more calm thoughtful humans like you.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for being so thoughtful and supportive. I’m not sure why anyone on this thread was giving you a hard time. What you listed in your initial ideas sounds lovely and delicious and would most likely be fine in the vast majority of Jewish homes. I would love it. That being said, certain folks do keep strict kosher and the only way you can find out for sure is to ask about dietary restrictions.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound like a kind and lovely soul. I am sorry for your friend at this hard time but glad that she has you.

[Anonymous]

I’m an Indian vegetarian married to a Jewish man whose family, my in-laws, do not keep kosher. Echoing the posters above— no good deed goes unpunished on DCUM! Love your menu. How thoughtful to make something different and delicious for the family. I usually just politely check— any food restrictions or aversions?

When my own mom died, my best friend asked what she could send. Knowing my brother and dad ate non veg, I graciously accepted her sending Italian food… turns out, our nurse, also Indian but Christian and non vegetarian told us it was generally forbidden to eat meat in the days after losing a loved one (for Hindus, and I guess some Christians). After that, my brother wouldn’t touch the good. Just sharing this story as there could potentially be many sensitivities for various cultures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, nothing from your home is kosher.

I see.

Any ideas about what I can get for my friends? I do not want to offend.

Kosher is two issues: one, where and what kind of food you purchase - it has to have a specific label. Two, your kitchen has to be kosher.

Where are you? It also needs to be from a Kosher store if you are buying it.

No it does not.

OP many products in a grocery store are kosher. Like Entemans cakes for example.

OP shiva houses get a ton of food. Go to a grocery store pick up some cookies or small cake and call it a day.

[Anonymous]

You're a good friend, OP!

And I'll take that food if it's going to waste

[Anonymous]

A whole live chicken

[Anonymous]

Does she have a close friend who is helping facilitate the food? That's often how my friend group does it. They would know if food from a non kosher kitchen would be ok. If not, even asking her, "I'd love to bring over some food - is it ok if it's homemade or would you prefer kosher". Don't ask her to make bigger choices that that's but that's a fine question. I appreciate when people think to ask about my traditions.

In my house, your plan would be great!

[Anonymous]

Just chiming in to say that OP is so lovely and thoughtful. Jewish person here. Dried fruit is awesome. I’d be thrilled to get that. It’s portable and doesn’t go bad and can be put out easily over multiple days. And can be used as snacks by the handful. It’s great.

Thank you for being so considerate.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I am still coming back now and then and reading the posts and other anecdotes with interest. I did get what I wanted from this post so thank you.

I really did not mind the posters who were a little stern with me. I much prefer that I get chided here in an anonymous forum rather than commit a faux pas in a situation that is already heartbreaking for the family and all who know them.

I have been so depressed these past couple of days since I heard the news that all the suggestions, anecdotes and even the gentle rebuke - has helped me to focus on the logistical aspects. Also, DCUM is East Coast. People will help you after they call you an idiot. It totally tracks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are a model for open-minded dialogue. Some of the responses to your good intentions were harsh. Still, you remained polite and encouraged further discussion. We need more calm thoughtful humans like you.

What's harsh?

[Anonymous]

It really does depend on their level of observance. I’m Jewish and Jewish enough to sit shiva but we eat absolutely everything. I probably would not recommend taking pork or shellfish to someone sitting shiva in case any relatives there with them don’t eat those things but if they aren’t kosher they aren’t kosher and kosher isn’t a comfort thing they are going to revert to (as they well may never have been kosher or raised in a kosher home).

[Anonymous]

Kashrut is a spectrum dictated more by cultural practices in the countries to which we have been dispersed than Halacha. Vast majority of Jews would be comfortable with an Indian meal from a 100% vegetarian or vegan Indian restaurant, in particular, because vegetarianism is such a key marker in many Indian households, including some Modern Orthodox Jews. Still, when I go into Orthodox homes I bring things like dried dates, fresh fruits, nuts, kosher snacks, kosher prepared cold salads (hummus, eggplant salads, spicy pepper salad), pickles, olives, etc. that I can purchase ar a kosher supermarket and which can be eaten with either dairy or meat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, nothing from your home is kosher.

I see.

Any ideas about what I can get for my friends? I do not want to offend.

If they do not keep a kosher kitchen that sounds fantastic!
Is there someone you can ask? Some families just wont have specifically non-kosher things like pork, but they don’t keep a whole kosher kitchen.
Most Jewish families we know would be delighted with that.
So many people send sweets; it’s great to get real food in times like this.

I’m Jewish, and I’ve brought a ham and rolls and sides to Christian friends after a death in their family.
I think your effort is lovely.

Thank you. As I am reading more on the internet about what is allowed and what is kosher etc, I think a lot of Indian vegetarian cooking will lend itself to meeting at least the dietary requirements (even if it is not meeting the purification and religious requirements) I intend to go several times to visit and I think I can then find out what I can make for them and if they are very strict or not.

I agree. I think some real food will be a change for them. I am sure their family and friends are getting them their regular food, so I want to bring them something different. Indian homemade vegetarian food is lighter, less spicy, fresher, more varied, more flavorful and healthier than what the regular Indian restaurants serve.

Anyways, thank you to all who responded. I am also reading a bit more about how a kosher kitchen is run and all I can say is that it makes so much sense. All of this is to make people mindful of what they eat and to prevent diseases and cross contamination.

You aren't getting they WILL not eat anything cooked in your kitchen. I am vegetarian. My kosher friends will not eat from my kitchen nor anyone else's that is not Kosher. It's not as simple as cross-contamination and diseases.

Ask them what they like. We wouldn't eat that.

You sound repellent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your friend kosher?

For most people, that would be considered kosher. But if they are very strict, it may not be.

But not because the food isn't kosher, but because for very strict jews, food has to be cooked in a kitchen that's kept kosher.

But most jews are secular and don't keep kosher - esp not to that strict of a degree. Your food sounds delicious and thoughtful. Worst that happens, they give or throw it away - they will still have appreciated the effort.