Is my cousin getting bad advice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is a super complicated situation with many, many layers - emotional, financial, and legal.

I kinda get the advice that the son is getting - not the illegal and immoral hiding of assets, but spending down the assets to get the dad qualified for Medicaid and the mom set up as the Medicaid community spouse. It's the most expedient, but perhaps not the most appropriate given the circumstances.

You may want to talk with your county's senior services office and get their take on what to do given the circumstances. They may come up with a different scenario on how they can remain together in a community care setting, then split up as needed. FWIW, Medicaid does not pay for AL.

The emotional here may be the most difficult to disentangle. Do your cousins look to you and sister here for support and this kind of involvement? What is the relationship b/t the brother and sister? How does she feel about her brother dictating she provide free labor for caring for her mom given the early life experiences? That's a helluva lot of nerve for one sibling to ask of another.

GL to your aunt and uncle here - hope they are able to get in a setting works for them as well as others.

OP here. Thanks, yes, there's alot here. I've found an elder care advocate in the area where my aunt lives and we're setting up a consult with the idea that this person can support my aunt and help her figure out her options and create a plan for next steps. I was with my aunt this past weekend. I heard her conversation with her son. I believe her son genuinely does not clearly see her financial situation. He told her that home care and assisted living were "for wealthy people" and she can't afford it. I ran a spreadsheet with some options, and with their income and savings, in my worst case scenario they can go five years before they'd have to touch the money from the condo. If my uncle is still alive and has to go on medicaid at that point, so be it, but it doesn't make sense to force him into a nursing home now if instead they could live together in assisted living for however long it makes sense. I think the son wants to get the dad in a nursing home and then he can wash his hands of it. I don't think he realizes the chaos this would introduce into his sister's life. I'll also add he was mad about having to have his mother in his home for a weekend after she got out of the hospital, but has no qualms about asking his sister to have her move in permanently. It's just makes me sad.

Anyway, I'm hoping the elder care advocate can help move things forward. My aunt cries every day. It's really rough.

[Anonymous]

There is no way any legit professionals told him to hide assets from Medicaid. First of all, it's not Medicaid/SNFs first rodeo. They WILL find it and get what is theirs. Second, Medicaid nursing homes aren't exactly a big get...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no way any legit professionals told him to hide assets from Medicaid. First of all, it's not Medicaid/SNFs first rodeo. They WILL find it and get what is theirs. Second, Medicaid nursing homes aren't exactly a big get...

?? what do you mean by "exactly a big get"??

[Anonymous]

OP: I think your plan is the best option. Skilled nursing facilities are so depressing. It sounds like your uncle would be miserable. We kept my mom with dementia at home for about 7 years using progressively more caretakers until the last 6 months of her life after she fell and broke her hip and had to go in a SNF. The care itself was fine at the facility, but the environment was so depressing that I think she just gave up her will to live.

[Anonymous]

PP above. Also with $11K in monthly income plus assets from the house sale, I don't see them spending enough to qualify for Medicaid, even in the medically needy category someone else mentioned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: I think your plan is the best option. Skilled nursing facilities are so depressing. It sounds like your uncle would be miserable. We kept my mom with dementia at home for about 7 years using progressively more caretakers until the last 6 months of her life after she fell and broke her hip and had to go in a SNF. The care itself was fine at the facility, but the environment was so depressing that I think she just gave up her will to live.

OP, just so you know, that can be the case, but it is not always so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP above. Also with $11K in monthly income plus assets from the house sale, I don't see them spending enough to qualify for Medicaid, even in the medically needy category someone else mentioned.

Would the 11K go towards the cost of care after the assets were spent down and house was sold?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP above. Also with $11K in monthly income plus assets from the house sale, I don't see them spending enough to qualify for Medicaid, even in the medically needy category someone else mentioned.

Would the 11K go towards the cost of care after the assets were spent down and house was sold?

OP here. It would have to. Medicaid would take that income before paying anything out. I made a spreadsheet of money in and money out. By my projections, not even including the VA benefits, it will take three years before my aunt and uncle run out of money and need to go on medicaid. With the VA money, it's six years. That doesn't even touch the issues of medicaid lookback penalties. They've given thousands to various charities over the years. And to their daughter. If medicaid disallows any of that, there will be months-long penalties delaying medicaid payouts. This whole plan of theirs makes no sense at all.