Help I am so overwhelmed with my 3 and 6-year-old boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re being brave asking for help. I also think you might want to have your younger boy in a preschool. If he is really as wild as you say, I wonder if he needs an evaluation. Is there ADHD in the family? You might also look for a parenting coach or support group or parenting class to help you with strategies. Your older boy’s school guidance counselor can help with this.

You need a schedule and routine, if you don’t have one. Heavy work can help regulate them, like carrying books or pulling a toy wagon loaded with books. Give them chewy snacks. Google regulation strategies for overactive kids.

Think of basic rules you want them to follow, and work on them one at a time.

See if you can get an older elementary or middle school kid to come play with them. Praise behavior that you see that you want. Use physical redirecting with the younger one. Pick him up and move him. Look up “body sock” on Amazon. Look up Go Noodle. It sounds like they need a lot of active movement.

The guidance counselor may know a family with same-age kids you could meet and play with.

I hope you get some time for yourself. It can be very hard. Remind yourself that they will sleep at some point!

+1

Ignore the rude posters castigating you for not wanting to go out. I hate going out when it’s super cold. Never in the history of humanity have parents been expected to stand outside doing nothing in the freaking cold so their kids behave better. Intensive parenting expectations suck.

My 5 and 2 year old do well with play-doh and open crafting/drawing. I would try and integrate those into a regular rotation. Walks are great, but not when it’s freaking 20 degrees!

I don’t like going out either when it’s cold but kids are different than adults. I could sit inside the entire day on a couch if I wanted to.

But if it helps the kids get their energy out, then maybe it is a better choice than having to sit inside and watch them fight due to boredom. And she shouldn’t go outside and stand. Why would anyone do that?


She should take them to an indoor playground, walk around a mall, or go to some kind of activity that is indoors. Or sign the older child up for some class in the afternoon. How long does play doh keep someone busy? Day after day? Hour after hour?

The point is either she stays at home and deal with them inside the house or take them out to do something. From her descriptions, I doubt staying at home is any easier.

[Anonymous]

You have to run your house pretty much like a daycare, kindergarten, play school, Montessori, activity class etc. And keep the kids on a routine and you need to be there with them like you are a paid nanny.

Then your house will not be a disaster, your kids will actually be forming healthy routines and habits, they will feel more secure, they will learn more, they will become more self-reliant etc. You are an educated person. Your kids must benefit from having an educated mom who is their caregiver. But, if you think that you will have the time to handle all the chores also then you are mistaken. That does not happen without taking a toll on the mom.

You have the job to take care of your kids, like a nanny would do. After that, you only have the time that a WOHM has to do chores. My suggestion is to outsource some stuff and ask DH to help more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had large areas of my home designated as kid's playroom. We did not have a formal dining room or a formal living room, because that was my kids play area. I did not believe in my kids going to the basement, away from my eyes. The play area was set up like a daycare. We had a comfy couch, TV, snack area, painting and crafts area, dress up area, sleeping area, books, a place for physical playing, diaper changing area and eventually a small training potty too. And it had childproof gates. I spent most of my hours as a SAHM there.

I am sorry. If you are a SAHM with small kids, do not think that you are going to be able to do other chores like SAHMs with school going kids do. You have to pretty much operate as a childcare provider or nanny. And you have to be with the kids until your DH returns home. It is a fallacy to think that your kids will entertain themselves. They still need you to direct their play or instruction. You are in charge of also keeping them on a schedule.

It is very hard but these years go by very fast too. Remember that your kids are sponges. What you teach them now in terms of habits and routine, will endure.

This is exactly right! And believe me you will miss it when they are 18 and 29 and don’t want to play legos in the “legoroom” any more with you!

I wish they would play with legos. This is op. The 6 year old gets frustrated because his little brother messes up his creations, and the 3 year old throws them everywhere. I get so dizzy from all of the running they do!

3 years old is old enough to learn the manners to not destroy the house and take apart his brother's toys as he is working on them. My 2 year old is mostly trained on this although she has some moments of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids need to get moving. Take them for a walk or to the local rec center or the Chick Fil A play area or indoor swimming -- something, anything outside the house. My kids were four years apart at that age, and that's what I did. They are flying off the handle because they have energy to burn that you are not helping them expend. That is why they are running in circles. Get out of the house, take them somewhere for a few hours to burn it off. When my kids were spinning up, I would take them somewhere.

I would also get creative and have them play search and seek inside the house. I'm hiding this stuffed animal/figurine, etc. first one who finds it gets a cookie. Or we would make cookies.

Just do something with them.

Op here. I DO take them places. They are STILL like this. I can't take them somewhere every day after school. There has to be a balance between being at home and constantly on the go. On school days, I always take out the 3-year-old in the morning.

Do you have a back yard they can run around?

No yard; we live in a townhouse. There's a playground driving distance down the road but we are a one-car family. Dh goes in person to work twice a week. I like the garage idea. Our basement isn't finished, so I don't allow them downstairs. There is too much they can get in downstairs like the sump pump or gas controls. We have child proofed as much as possible, but I worry. We moved from a tropical climate so my kids haven't adjusted to being out in the cold yet. On a day like today, they are definitely not going outside.

Just how far away is this park?

[Anonymous]

Op, you either need to hire help or get your kids Ritalin or give up for the next few years

[Anonymous]

My oldest has ADHD and was like how you describe your 3 year old. She has always needed constant stimulation. Lots of physical activity and also mental stimulation, novelty and talking. It’s a lot. My younger one is more typical and his childhood has basically been me going, oh….this is what people have been talking about! Anyway you have a lot of good suggestions but your kid may also just end up being different/tough. I don’t know what I would have done without some daycare/preschool for my oldest. Maybe you could get an extra set of hands once in a while? But really the key is to keep kids like that busy and provide safe outlets. Do you have a trampoline? A 24inch trampoline is great for that age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids need to get moving. Take them for a walk or to the local rec center or the Chick Fil A play area or indoor swimming -- something, anything outside the house. My kids were four years apart at that age, and that's what I did. They are flying off the handle because they have energy to burn that you are not helping them expend. That is why they are running in circles. Get out of the house, take them somewhere for a few hours to burn it off. When my kids were spinning up, I would take them somewhere.

I would also get creative and have them play search and seek inside the house. I'm hiding this stuffed animal/figurine, etc. first one who finds it gets a cookie. Or we would make cookies.

Just do something with them.

Op here. I DO take them places. They are STILL like this. I can't take them somewhere every day after school. There has to be a balance between being at home and constantly on the go. On school days, I always take out the 3-year-old in the morning.

Do you have a back yard they can run around?

No yard; we live in a townhouse. There's a playground driving distance down the road but we are a one-car family. Dh goes in person to work twice a week. I like the garage idea. Our basement isn't finished, so I don't allow them downstairs. There is too much they can get in downstairs like the sump pump or gas controls. We have child proofed as much as possible, but I worry. We moved from a tropical climate so my kids haven't adjusted to being out in the cold yet. On a day like today, they are definitely not going outside.

Just how far away is this park?

Very close but no sidewalks. It's off the main road of our townhouse development.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had large areas of my home designated as kid's playroom. We did not have a formal dining room or a formal living room, because that was my kids play area. I did not believe in my kids going to the basement, away from my eyes. The play area was set up like a daycare. We had a comfy couch, TV, snack area, painting and crafts area, dress up area, sleeping area, books, a place for physical playing, diaper changing area and eventually a small training potty too. And it had childproof gates. I spent most of my hours as a SAHM there.

I am sorry. If you are a SAHM with small kids, do not think that you are going to be able to do other chores like SAHMs with school going kids do. You have to pretty much operate as a childcare provider or nanny. And you have to be with the kids until your DH returns home. It is a fallacy to think that your kids will entertain themselves. They still need you to direct their play or instruction. You are in charge of also keeping them on a schedule.

It is very hard but these years go by very fast too. Remember that your kids are sponges. What you teach them now in terms of habits and routine, will endure.

This is exactly right! And believe me you will miss it when they are 18 and 29 and don’t want to play legos in the “legoroom” any more with you!

I wish they would play with legos. This is op. The 6 year old gets frustrated because his little brother messes up his creations, and the 3 year old throws them everywhere. I get so dizzy from all of the running they do!

3 years old is old enough to learn the manners to not destroy the house and take apart his brother's toys as he is working on them. My 2 year old is mostly trained on this although she has some moments of course.

He just turned 3. It doesn't help that dh doesn't give an f. Dh thinks a lot of this is" normal" . I came home from work to a drawing on the wall and another wall had a hole. Good times last night!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had large areas of my home designated as kid's playroom. We did not have a formal dining room or a formal living room, because that was my kids play area. I did not believe in my kids going to the basement, away from my eyes. The play area was set up like a daycare. We had a comfy couch, TV, snack area, painting and crafts area, dress up area, sleeping area, books, a place for physical playing, diaper changing area and eventually a small training potty too. And it had childproof gates. I spent most of my hours as a SAHM there.

I am sorry. If you are a SAHM with small kids, do not think that you are going to be able to do other chores like SAHMs with school going kids do. You have to pretty much operate as a childcare provider or nanny. And you have to be with the kids until your DH returns home. It is a fallacy to think that your kids will entertain themselves. They still need you to direct their play or instruction. You are in charge of also keeping them on a schedule.

It is very hard but these years go by very fast too. Remember that your kids are sponges. What you teach them now in terms of habits and routine, will endure.

This is exactly right! And believe me you will miss it when they are 18 and 29 and don’t want to play legos in the “legoroom” any more with you!

I wish they would play with legos. This is op. The 6 year old gets frustrated because his little brother messes up his creations, and the 3 year old throws them everywhere. I get so dizzy from all of the running they do!

3 years old is old enough to learn the manners to not destroy the house and take apart his brother's toys as he is working on them. My 2 year old is mostly trained on this although she has some moments of course.

He just turned 3. It doesn't help that dh doesn't give an f. Dh thinks a lot of this is" normal" . I came home from work to a drawing on the wall and another wall had a hole. Good times last night!

It is not normal. And unfortunately is your kids has ADHD or is this rambunctious you need to work on boundaries, rules, behavior extra hard. He needs tools to manage his body and feelings. Because when he goes to prek (and he should at 4) or K it will be a hard hard transition. School is already very academic and a lot of sitting in K and its geared much more towards calm kids (mostly girls).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re being brave asking for help. I also think you might want to have your younger boy in a preschool. If he is really as wild as you say, I wonder if he needs an evaluation. Is there ADHD in the family? You might also look for a parenting coach or support group or parenting class to help you with strategies. Your older boy’s school guidance counselor can help with this.

You need a schedule and routine, if you don’t have one. Heavy work can help regulate them, like carrying books or pulling a toy wagon loaded with books. Give them chewy snacks. Google regulation strategies for overactive kids.

Think of basic rules you want them to follow, and work on them one at a time.

See if you can get an older elementary or middle school kid to come play with them. Praise behavior that you see that you want. Use physical redirecting with the younger one. Pick him up and move him. Look up “body sock” on Amazon. Look up Go Noodle. It sounds like they need a lot of active movement.

The guidance counselor may know a family with same-age kids you could meet and play with.

I hope you get some time for yourself. It can be very hard. Remind yourself that they will sleep at some point!

+1

Ignore the rude posters castigating you for not wanting to go out. I hate going out when it’s super cold. Never in the history of humanity have parents been expected to stand outside doing nothing in the freaking cold so their kids behave better. Intensive parenting expectations suck.

My 5 and 2 year old do well with play-doh and open crafting/drawing. I would try and integrate those into a regular rotation. Walks are great, but not when it’s freaking 20 degrees!

Lol. the irony. All throughout humanity, adults and children have spent tons and tons of time outside. It is one of the best things for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You keep making excuses Op.

You're not used to the cold, there's no yard, there's no nearby playground , you wont make separate areas for the 6 yr old to have his lego creation so little brother won't bother him, ...at some point you're just going to have rip off the bandaid to make things work.

And where is dh in all of this,

Yeah, the only way they’re going to get “used to the cold” is by doing it. Buy some heavy winter clothes, dress them (and yourself) in hats, mittens and layers and get them outside every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re being brave asking for help. I also think you might want to have your younger boy in a preschool. If he is really as wild as you say, I wonder if he needs an evaluation. Is there ADHD in the family? You might also look for a parenting coach or support group or parenting class to help you with strategies. Your older boy’s school guidance counselor can help with this.

You need a schedule and routine, if you don’t have one. Heavy work can help regulate them, like carrying books or pulling a toy wagon loaded with books. Give them chewy snacks. Google regulation strategies for overactive kids.

Think of basic rules you want them to follow, and work on them one at a time.

See if you can get an older elementary or middle school kid to come play with them. Praise behavior that you see that you want. Use physical redirecting with the younger one. Pick him up and move him. Look up “body sock” on Amazon. Look up Go Noodle. It sounds like they need a lot of active movement.

The guidance counselor may know a family with same-age kids you could meet and play with.

I hope you get some time for yourself. It can be very hard. Remind yourself that they will sleep at some point!

+1

Ignore the rude posters castigating you for not wanting to go out. I hate going out when it’s super cold. Never in the history of humanity have parents been expected to stand outside doing nothing in the freaking cold so their kids behave better. Intensive parenting expectations suck.

My 5 and 2 year old do well with play-doh and open crafting/drawing. I would try and integrate those into a regular rotation. Walks are great, but not when it’s freaking 20 degrees!

Oh, please. It’s not the Arctic Circle. Develop some resilience and your kids will too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had large areas of my home designated as kid's playroom. We did not have a formal dining room or a formal living room, because that was my kids play area. I did not believe in my kids going to the basement, away from my eyes. The play area was set up like a daycare. We had a comfy couch, TV, snack area, painting and crafts area, dress up area, sleeping area, books, a place for physical playing, diaper changing area and eventually a small training potty too. And it had childproof gates. I spent most of my hours as a SAHM there.

I am sorry. If you are a SAHM with small kids, do not think that you are going to be able to do other chores like SAHMs with school going kids do. You have to pretty much operate as a childcare provider or nanny. And you have to be with the kids until your DH returns home. It is a fallacy to think that your kids will entertain themselves. They still need you to direct their play or instruction. You are in charge of also keeping them on a schedule.

It is very hard but these years go by very fast too. Remember that your kids are sponges. What you teach them now in terms of habits and routine, will endure.

This is exactly right! And believe me you will miss it when they are 18 and 29 and don’t want to play legos in the “legoroom” any more with you!

I wish they would play with legos. This is op. The 6 year old gets frustrated because his little brother messes up his creations, and the 3 year old throws them everywhere. I get so dizzy from all of the running they do!

3 years old is old enough to learn the manners to not destroy the house and take apart his brother's toys as he is working on them. My 2 year old is mostly trained on this although she has some moments of course.

He just turned 3. It doesn't help that dh doesn't give an f. Dh thinks a lot of this is" normal" . I came home from work to a drawing on the wall and another wall had a hole. Good times last night!

It is not normal. And unfortunately is your kids has ADHD or is this rambunctious you need to work on boundaries, rules, behavior extra hard. He needs tools to manage his body and feelings. Because when he goes to prek (and he should at 4) or K it will be a hard hard transition. School is already very academic and a lot of sitting in K and its geared much more towards calm kids (mostly girls).

Op here. He goes the gym childcare, and he's fine. The workers love him. I "love" how you tell me my child must go to prek. Newsflash, not everyone can afford prek!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re being brave asking for help. I also think you might want to have your younger boy in a preschool. If he is really as wild as you say, I wonder if he needs an evaluation. Is there ADHD in the family? You might also look for a parenting coach or support group or parenting class to help you with strategies. Your older boy’s school guidance counselor can help with this.

You need a schedule and routine, if you don’t have one. Heavy work can help regulate them, like carrying books or pulling a toy wagon loaded with books. Give them chewy snacks. Google regulation strategies for overactive kids.

Think of basic rules you want them to follow, and work on them one at a time.

See if you can get an older elementary or middle school kid to come play with them. Praise behavior that you see that you want. Use physical redirecting with the younger one. Pick him up and move him. Look up “body sock” on Amazon. Look up Go Noodle. It sounds like they need a lot of active movement.

The guidance counselor may know a family with same-age kids you could meet and play with.

I hope you get some time for yourself. It can be very hard. Remind yourself that they will sleep at some point!

+1

Ignore the rude posters castigating you for not wanting to go out. I hate going out when it’s super cold. Never in the history of humanity have parents been expected to stand outside doing nothing in the freaking cold so their kids behave better. Intensive parenting expectations suck.

My 5 and 2 year old do well with play-doh and open crafting/drawing. I would try and integrate those into a regular rotation. Walks are great, but not when it’s freaking 20 degrees!

Lol. the irony. All throughout humanity, adults and children have spent tons and tons of time outside. It is one of the best things for us.

Yes that’s true! Because they all had work to do! Not the never ending expectation of parents entertaining them. It’s not the same thing!

[Anonymous]

OP, I can commiserate. My 2.5yo DS is as you describe your 3yo. I'm exhausted from having to be on top of him all day making sure he's not destroying anything. He seems to be getting better slowly but it's still a lot.
I don't have any advice. I'm throwing money at the problem because I'm pregnant and in survival mode. I know you said preschool isn't in the budget right now. My DS' preschool is through a church and pretty inexpensive so maybe there's an option at least for next year.
Now that it's cold I'm just bringing him to as many indoor activities as possible but it's also hard with all the illness going around and trying to avoid that. I just keep telling myself that he's getting older and won't always be like this. Until I have the next one, ha. At least yours should be more independent soon!