Does no one on this site

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a thread meant to bash those of us who have posted about less than ideal mothers?

And thanks for calling us bitter. We just need a place to vent. I am actually a quite nice and balanced person... with a mother who is pretty difficult and can say hateful things to her daughter (me).

But yeah, thanks for the judgement.

No, and it borders on crazy that you think this post is meant to bash people who were damaged by their childhood.

Sorry, but you have no more right to post here than does someone who had wonderful parents.

Some people have kids who are angels/straight A students and some have kids who party and are failing out of school. They are all allowed to post on DCUM, and it is not healthy that you think happy people are out to "bash you." Please seek therapy.

OP you are gaslighting this poster.

[Anonymous]

I love my mother and talk to her almost every day. I’m also her primary caregiver. Our relationship is complicated. Once the mother becomes the child it changes things. Depending on an elderly mothers needs they may become more like a child, and you (their adult child) like a parent. When the dynamic changes so does the entire relationship. I adore my mother. I don’t love what our relationship has become. Someone who lost their mother young may not experience the changes.

[Anonymous]

I had an awesome mother, all her kids, DILs and SILs, and grandkids agree, often complete strangers tell me how awesome my mom was and what a positive impact she had on them. She died in 2009 and I literally miss her and think of her every single day.

Being on DCUM has enlightened me as to how difficult and sometimes abusive other people's mothers often are, although I agree that we see a lot more complaining on a forum such as this, those of us with great moms don't post about it much, so it's hard to know how the numbers play out.

Banning abortion is going to make this bad mom situation a lot worse in the future. Seems like a bunch of moms of DCUM people shouldn't have had kids to begin with.

[Anonymous]

By today's standards my mother would have been considered abusive and mentally ill.

None of that matters to me because I know she did her best and she loved me deeply, and I loved her.

I forgave her for her mistakes and I believe she forgave me mine. She was not a faultless mother and I was not a perfect child.

If I could have five minutes with her again, I'd be sure she absolutely knew this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had an awesome mother, all her kids, DILs and SILs, and grandkids agree, often complete strangers tell me how awesome my mom was and what a positive impact she had on them. She died in 2009 and I literally miss her and think of her every single day.

Being on DCUM has enlightened me as to how difficult and sometimes abusive other people's mothers often are, although I agree that we see a lot more complaining on a forum such as this, those of us with great moms don't post about it much, so it's hard to know how the numbers play out.

Banning abortion is going to make this bad mom situation a lot worse in the future. Seems like a bunch of moms of DCUM people shouldn't have had kids to begin with.

Plenty of us with bad moms were born when abortion was legal and readily available.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By today's standards my mother would have been considered abusive and mentally ill.

None of that matters to me because I know she did her best and she loved me deeply, and I loved her.

I forgave her for her mistakes and I believe she forgave me mine. She was not a faultless mother and I was not a perfect child.

If I could have five minutes with her again, I'd be sure she absolutely knew this.

And I believe that with a mom's intuition, she knew!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had an awesome mother, all her kids, DILs and SILs, and grandkids agree, often complete strangers tell me how awesome my mom was and what a positive impact she had on them. She died in 2009 and I literally miss her and think of her every single day.

Being on DCUM has enlightened me as to how difficult and sometimes abusive other people's mothers often are, although I agree that we see a lot more complaining on a forum such as this, those of us with great moms don't post about it much, so it's hard to know how the numbers play out.

Banning abortion is going to make this bad mom situation a lot worse in the future. Seems like a bunch of moms of DCUM people shouldn't have had kids to begin with.

Plenty of us with bad moms were born when abortion was legal and readily available.

I believe that but it's going to get worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my husband and we have a good relationship. I don't come here to brag about that because i have empathy for those in bad marriages. I miss my dad and he was kind and generous. I vent about my mother who is abusive. If it upsets you, then avoid those posts. I can love my father and husband and understand not everybody has or had that love in their lives.

I think posters should be able to share warm, positive feelings about family members without those posts being considered bragging. Why just share vents?

And OP could have done that, by posting the first part of her OP and not the second. But she didn’t, hence the responses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my husband and we have a good relationship. I don't come here to brag about that because i have empathy for those in bad marriages. I miss my dad and he was kind and generous. I vent about my mother who is abusive. If it upsets you, then avoid those posts. I can love my father and husband and understand not everybody has or had that love in their lives.

I think posters should be able to share warm, positive feelings about family members without those posts being considered bragging. Why just share vents?

And OP could have done that, by posting the first part of her OP and not the second. But she didn’t, hence the responses.

Just reread the OP. Obviously I meant could have posted the second part and not the first.

[Anonymous]

I loved my mother and I have a good relationship with my own kids and my in-laws, so there's nothing there for a post.

People on this site post about their problems, so that's what you see but IRL, I don't have any friends with the sort of complaints or to the degree that are posted here.

[Anonymous]

No, I did not have a nice mother. I don’t know whether I’ll miss her when she dies, but I do wish that she would die sooner rather than later because she drives a wedge between the family, spews poison, etc. Yes, I do come from a dysfunctional family.

Does that answer your questions, OP?

[Anonymous]

I love my mom but taking care of her is burdensome and so much work and money that it is a drain or me and my family. She was a good mom but isn’t as nice now that she is elderly and her memory is going. It’s extremely taxing and takes all my time, and she refuses to do little things that would make it easier out of stubbornness.

She also has this perspective that I owe her because she was a good mom. I don’t owe her. I appreciate that she did the best she could and I feel bad for her so took her in, but I don’t owe her this and that attitude gets old.

I am sure I will still miss my mom but being with her 24/7 and being her caretaker is no picnic and is a big strain on our relationship and my own with my family.

I won’t do this to my kids. I will find alternative care and then maybe they will miss me when I am gone and still have mainly fond memories. This sucks.

[Anonymous]

Nope. My mother has always been terrible. She has literally never told me she loves me. How could she, she's never even gotten to know me? She went out of her way to deny me the financial information I needed to fill out paperwork for college and financial aid applications so I was full-pay. Just like how I had to get my own car insurance at 16. And of course car and gas so I could do to my job and buy myself shoes si ce mine had holes in them and never fit.

I have a brother, 4 years younger. My mother has treated him like the second coming of the messiah since the day he fell out of her uterus. Spent over $200k on his education and he only has an associates degree! Guess who got a new car and added to my parent's insurance policy at 16?

These are just basic examples. It would be so much harder to try to explain all of the microaggressions I grew up with. The hate of a parent cuts very very deep.

So basically, no. I don't think she tried hard or did her best or loved me at all. I have children myself now and I understand her even less.

I can't wait for my mom to die. Good riddance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, I did not have a nice mother. I don’t know whether I’ll miss her when she dies, but I do wish that she would die sooner rather than later because she drives a wedge between the family, spews poison, etc. Yes, I do come from a dysfunctional family.

Does that answer your questions, OP?

Not really because the post was not addressed to you. There are many posts on this site from people who share your background, he was inquiring if anyone shares his.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. My mother has always been terrible. She has literally never told me she loves me. How could she, she's never even gotten to know me? She went out of her way to deny me the financial information I needed to fill out paperwork for college and financial aid applications so I was full-pay. Just like how I had to get my own car insurance at 16. And of course car and gas so I could do to my job and buy myself shoes si ce mine had holes in them and never fit.

I have a brother, 4 years younger. My mother has treated him like the second coming of the messiah since the day he fell out of her uterus. Spent over $200k on his education and he only has an associates degree! Guess who got a new car and added to my parent's insurance policy at 16?

These are just basic examples. It would be so much harder to try to explain all of the microaggressions I grew up with. The hate of a parent cuts very very deep.

So basically, no. I don't think she tried hard or did her best or loved me at all. I have children myself now and I understand her even less.

I can't wait for my mom to die. Good riddance.

<<Microaggression is a term used for commonplace daily verbal, behavioral or environmental slights, whether intentional or unintentional, that communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative attitudes toward stigmatized or culturally marginalized groups. >>