My parents interfere in matters that don't concern them:

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound like a troll. I'm sorry if you aren't, in that case you and fam needs therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP. Are you a man or a woman?

Do you want to live alone for the rest of your life? Or do you want to be involved in an romantic relationship?

If you want to date, you need to learn how to clean and keep your apartment reasonably neat.

Also, it’s unclear if you are talking about piles of magazines or papers sitting out, or gross stuff like dishes not being washed. Things that can lead to bugs are rude to people other than yourself because it could hurts your neighbors in terms of bugs.

Clean your place.

I'm a man, and yes, I do want to live alone for the rest of my life. I've never been in a romantic relationship, nor do I ever plan to. Being married would feel like a loss of freedom for me.

Ha. You sound like a real treat troll. Be nice to your parents as you'll be hanging out with them for a good long whilel

[Anonymous]

You don't have to do anything your parents say, you are an adult.

You but are violating basic norms of being an adult but not cleaning your space when you have visitors.

Another guideline of being an adult is not discussing/revealing issues you do not wish to discuss with the other person. Why are you telling your parents about all of your minor ailments? You are in a stage where you are negotiating your own adulthood and the relationship you want with them. If you don't want them to comment on your sore throat, don't tell them you have one. Why should they know you have a headache because you walked through a weed cloud? You can tell them and expect a reaction. Or you can keep it to yourself. But as an adult, you cannot tell them and then control their reaction.

[Anonymous]

Guys, OP is probably not neurotypical, which is fine. You don’t need to jump in with so much ignorance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 30 years old and six months go, I got a new job that I had to move across the country for. I made it clear to my parents that they should feel under no obligation to visit me, especially since I live in a one-bedroom apartment that doesn't have enough room for more than one person. However, they have insisted on taking time off work to visit me once a month since I moved. I wouldn't mind this, except that they tend to order me around in my own apartment.

Now I won't lie; my apartment is a total pig-sty. Organization and cleanliness are not, and have never been, my strong point. But the way I look at it as that as long as my lack of organizational skills don't hurt anyone else, there should be nothing wrong. I always make sure I look good and smell nice before going into work, but as far I'm concerned, I have the right to be a total slob in my apartment. My parents think otherwise. Every time they visit(again, on their own insistence), they order me to clean and straighten up my own place. Now when I was living under my parents' roof, I always made sure to keep things clean, because it was their house and I had to respect the way they wanted it. However, my parents don't seem to respect the fact the I don't mind my apartment being a mess. They also strong-arm me to make doctor's appointments for minor body problems that I really don't mind having, again, in my own place. Ever heard the phrase "my body, my choice"?

It would be pretty low of me to cut them out of my life after all they've sacrificed for me, but I'm at my wit's end. I am grateful for all they've done for me, and I would be willing to repay them in any way that would directly benefit them. I've even offered to send them an allowance, which they always turn down. But my personal living preferences don't concern them in any way.

Seeing it another way - maybe your parents are telling you are passing pigsty and are heading towards looking like a hoarder.
You might want to step back and think about it. Take a couple of pictures of your place in it's current state and then look at them later on.
You will probably be surprised to see what other sees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't have to do anything your parents say, you are an adult.

You but are violating basic norms of being an adult but not cleaning your space when you have visitors.

Another guideline of being an adult is not discussing/revealing issues you do not wish to discuss with the other person. Why are you telling your parents about all of your minor ailments? You are in a stage where you are negotiating your own adulthood and the relationship you want with them. If you don't want them to comment on your sore throat, don't tell them you have one. Why should they know you have a headache because you walked through a weed cloud? You can tell them and expect a reaction. Or you can keep it to yourself. But as an adult, you cannot tell them and then control their reaction.

I don't tell them anything about my body. They just see spots on my skin and then hound me to schedule an appointment to find out what it is. But these spots aren't causing me any problems and I'm able to hide them when I go into work. They also strong-arm me into scheduling things like dentist and optometrist appointments because they don't think I take good enough care of things like my eyes and teeth. While I admit that I don't take as good care of them as most people, I take enough care of them to ensure that I won't have any teeth-related or eye-related that will take over my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't have to do anything your parents say, you are an adult.

You but are violating basic norms of being an adult but not cleaning your space when you have visitors.

Another guideline of being an adult is not discussing/revealing issues you do not wish to discuss with the other person. Why are you telling your parents about all of your minor ailments? You are in a stage where you are negotiating your own adulthood and the relationship you want with them. If you don't want them to comment on your sore throat, don't tell them you have one. Why should they know you have a headache because you walked through a weed cloud? You can tell them and expect a reaction. Or you can keep it to yourself. But as an adult, you cannot tell them and then control their reaction.

I don't tell them anything about my body. They just see spots on my skin and then hound me to schedule an appointment to find out what it is. But these spots aren't causing me any problems and I'm able to hide them when I go into work. They also strong-arm me into scheduling things like dentist and optometrist appointments because they don't think I take good enough care of things like my eyes and teeth. While I admit that I don't take as good care of them as most people, I take enough care of them to ensure that I won't have any teeth-related or eye-related that will take over my life.

Were you the one who posted about a sore throat or headache?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell them you will no longer be hosting more than twice a year. For those visits, grow the hell up and clean up and prepare for visitors, like a functional adult.

If they want to visit more than twice a year, hotel.

I would say, unless they are very cash-strapped, that you should tell them in the future you can’t put them up anymore.

You can throw in, “ It will make for a more relaxed visit for both of us.” (And if they insist, you could continue, “I think that you will be more comfortable since my housekeeping is not up to your standards.” Then send them links to local hotels or Airbnb’s.

You have to stand your ground.

[Anonymous]

Just ask respectfully and tell them that you appreciate it but you need to learn to be fully independent and see what works for you, even if it means facing some troubles. I'm sure they too need to relax and stop worrying about your issues and focus on their old age. Recommend travel to relaxing places.

[Anonymous]

Do you pay rent of your apartment or they do? If they do then they have a right to use it once a month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is a “minor body problem?”

I have a sore throat because my apartment is dry. I twisted my ankle yesterday but think it'll be better in a few days if I just elevate and ice it. I walked through a cloud of weed smoke and now have a headache. My hand slid and I jammed my finger and now it's sore.

You're right. All minor.
Honestly, for the rest, it sounds like your parents can sense you have some sort of neurodivergence, such as high-functioning Asperger's/ ADHD, and still believe you need parenting as an adult. Which is exceedingly irritating for you, but clearly you also need a bit of a push to clean your place! So... they're not entirely wrong. They probably want grandkids some day, and you're not helping!!!

I've already decided that I'll be happier not having children.

Understood. Your parents clearly want you to fit in socially, have friends, and perhaps one day marry and have children. In order to persuade people to leave you alone (or do whatever you want them to do), you need to understand their motivations. So make it an exercise to suss out the reasons why people do things around you. I say this because it's sort of obvious you're on the spectrum and typically that group of people has a weakness in that department, and goes through life perpetually wondering about the reactions they elicit, and griping about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you pay rent of your apartment or they do? If they do then they have a right to use it once a month.

Of course I pay my own rent. Why would I be living in my own place if I couldn't pay for it myself?

[Anonymous]

30 going on 13

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:30 going on 13

Like I said, my childish tendencies don't harm anyone, except maybe myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:30 going on 13

Like I said, my childish tendencies don't harm anyone, except maybe myself.

And that causes your parents grief, because they love you. So please try not to be too selfish, and at least make a pretense of being a little more presentable in your person and habits.