Parents of difficult students asking for private school recommedation paperwork

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can find nice things to write about most kids, but recently a parent asked me to write a private school recommedation for a child who was difficult in class, was distracting to the learning of others, and didn't show any intellectual curiosity. It was a hard year with this kid, and the parents were not receptive to working as a team.

Is it acceptable to tell parents they should ask his previous year's English teacher instead? Knowing that teacher's experience, I don't think he would have more positive feedback.

Wow really? Nothing at all? Poor kid. I really hope he has some teachers who don’t feel like you do….l know that’s not what you’re asking but it’s a sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can find nice things to write about most kids, but recently a parent asked me to write a private school recommedation for a child who was difficult in class, was distracting to the learning of others, and didn't show any intellectual curiosity. It was a hard year with this kid, and the parents were not receptive to working as a team.

Is it acceptable to tell parents they should ask his previous year's English teacher instead? Knowing that teacher's experience, I don't think he would have more positive feedback.

It sounds like this student was depressed and/or struggling with the content (or alternatively the content was too easy). I am a special ed teacher and I think viewed one way a lot of my students could be described this way (but it doesn't tell the whole story). What I know is that ALL kids have intellectual curiosity, but are not always curious about the specific curriculum we are teaching, or are able to demonstrate this well in the traditional settings. Maybe the parents are trying to find a setting where the child can leverage strengths better and have needs met better. Does this student have a special ed teacher or related services provider (speech, OT) who you could ask for input? In the absence of positive things to say or strengths to include (does the child have a good sense of humor, able to hyper-focus on a preferred activity, respond well to group projects, contribute to peer discussions, respond well to multi-sensory learning, thrive when given breaks and choice ?) Anything? Any specials or extracurricular teachers you could get some input from?

I know you don't want to spend hours and hours on this, but even the most difficult kid (or person) has strengths and potential even if it can be REALLY HARD at times to discover it and nurture it especially when you have many students to help. I think you could say that, in essence, "child would really thrive in a classroom with a low student to teacher ratio where their strengths can be nurtured."

+1 I was thinking perhaps this child has ADHD and he would thrive in an environment with a smaller teacher to child ratio. Would you really think it’s dishonest to put that he would thrive in an environment with a smaller class size and more attention from the teacher?

The parent desire to move their child to a private placement might be a sign that they agree he needs more than what MCPS teachers can provide. You can be a superstar teacher who is stretched thin with 30+ students with various abilities and various attention spans.

[Anonymous]

Isn't the purpose of the recommendation form to weed out kids like this and save a spot for someone who is more engaged? OP, don't lie about this kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Isn't the purpose of the recommendation form to weed out kids like this and save a spot for someone who is more engaged? OP, don't lie about this kid.

No, that’s not the purpose of a recommendation letter. It’s one data point used to learn more about a child. If the child needs extra attention, highlighting that the child would benefit from a smaller class size is not lying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the sake of your teachers who have larger class sizes to deal with, write about what an angle the kid is and how they are a great, hard working, trouble free student. Let the private deal with the kid of kid that public school teachers are required to deal with.

OP here. That's what my boss said.

Would the school that gets stuck with this kid then not take someone else you recommend in future?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the sake of your teachers who have larger class sizes to deal with, write about what an angle the kid is and how they are a great, hard working, trouble free student. Let the private deal with the kid of kid that public school teachers are required to deal with.

OP here. That's what my boss said.

Would the school that gets stuck with this kid then not take someone else you recommend in future?

The school is not going to remember who the teacher is.

[Anonymous]

My child had a tough kindergarten year (problems with behavior, disrupted the class) at a Whitman feeder. We asked their teacher for a recommendation because we had to, and I don’t know what the teacher wrote but DC got into a private school we love. I was very concerned about asking the teacher for the recommendation but we needed one to move our DC.

It turned out that my child had ADHD and dyslexia, which we’re resulting in the poor behavior. Their first grade teacher flagged both for us and DC now doing well as we have addressed/are addressing these diagnoses.

Have some empathy for this child and their family, who clearly recognize this child is not thriving in their current school and are looking for a better placement.

[Anonymous]

Is it actually "recommendation paperwork" or is it a "teacher report form". I don't live in the area, but the forms my kids have needed for private school ask for teacher feedback on some specific skills on a 1-5 scale, and then also have a space for comments. If the parent has asked you to write a "letter of recommendation", I think you should tell them that you will be writing honestly about the highs and lows of the year and you will understand if they want to ask someone else. If they have asked you to fill out a "teacher report form", fill it out. No one has asked you to be dishonest, just to complete the paperwork.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, the student has tanked his own application. Why blame the teacher?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really don’t know what it means that the parents were not receptive to working as a team. Parents are not in the classroom (or even allowed in school buildings lately). Other than reinforcing expectations at home, it’s really hard for them to be involved in classroom management in real time. It sounds like this child has other challenges going on and the parents are trying to find a more suitable environment for him. He is a child, and while I’m sure he made your job more difficult, I can’t believe that he had no positive personal qualities or characteristics that you could highlight.

Wow. And this is part of the problem. Working as a team has nothing to do with “classroom management.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is a non-conformist who has a unique approach to learning and is not afraid to show it in class. Naturally social and extremely interested in his peers, making up for lost time spent isoldated during COVID. Had a more difficult time than some adjusting to being back in school but shows promise.

Maybe?

Life has been hard for a lot of kids, in case you haven't heard. We are spending lots of tax dollars finding out just how bad our kids' mental health issues are. Seriously, things have been painful for many, many children.

Life isn't any harder than its always been. Parents like you are too lazy to deal with your own kids problems and want the schools and others to handle the hard part of parenting, however some of it starts at home and only you can fix your home life. Teens have always struggled. Stop with the excused. Very few kids were actually isolating and kids have been in person school, except for a select few who choose virtual, so enough with the excuses already. I'm tired of the wasteful spending on the fake mental health programs that are probably doing more harm than good and taking away from academics.

You don't sound very nice.

I am very nice but instead of making excuses I actually do something. Try it. Kids don’t need fake support and excuses.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the sake of your teachers who have larger class sizes to deal with, write about what an angle the kid is and how they are a great, hard working, trouble free student. Let the private deal with the kid of kid that public school teachers are required to deal with.

OP here. That's what my boss said.

Not surprising that MCPS would want to pass the buck.

They should be providing appropriate supports and SMALL CLASS SIZES to help difficult students.

They should prioritize their budget for success for all.

Yawn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the sake of your teachers who have larger class sizes to deal with, write about what an angle the kid is and how they are a great, hard working, trouble free student. Let the private deal with the kid of kid that public school teachers are required to deal with.

OP here. That's what my boss said.

Sure, go ahead and do that. It's the "smart" thing to do.

Your boss obviously isn't concerned about telling the truth and any ethical pangs you might feel about telling lies. Why should you?

But that's how the public schools operate, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can find nice things to write about most kids, but recently a parent asked me to write a private school recommedation for a child who was difficult in class, was distracting to the learning of others, and didn't show any intellectual curiosity. It was a hard year with this kid, and the parents were not receptive to working as a team.

Is it acceptable to tell parents they should ask his previous year's English teacher instead? Knowing that teacher's experience, I don't think he would have more positive feedback.

It sounds like this student was depressed and/or struggling with the content (or alternatively the content was too easy). I am a special ed teacher and I think viewed one way a lot of my students could be described this way (but it doesn't tell the whole story). What I know is that ALL kids have intellectual curiosity, but are not always curious about the specific curriculum we are teaching, or are able to demonstrate this well in the traditional settings. Maybe the parents are trying to find a setting where the child can leverage strengths better and have needs met better. Does this student have a special ed teacher or related services provider (speech, OT) who you could ask for input? In the absence of positive things to say or strengths to include (does the child have a good sense of humor, able to hyper-focus on a preferred activity, respond well to group projects, contribute to peer discussions, respond well to multi-sensory learning, thrive when given breaks and choice ?) Anything? Any specials or extracurricular teachers you could get some input from?

I know you don't want to spend hours and hours on this, but even the most difficult kid (or person) has strengths and potential even if it can be REALLY HARD at times to discover it and nurture it especially when you have many students to help. I think you could say that, in essence, "child would really thrive in a classroom with a low student to teacher ratio where their strengths can be nurtured."

+1 I was thinking perhaps this child has ADHD and he would thrive in an environment with a smaller teacher to child ratio. Would you really think it’s dishonest to put that he would thrive in an environment with a smaller class size and more attention from the teacher?

The parent desire to move their child to a private placement might be a sign that they agree he needs more than what MCPS teachers can provide. You can be a superstar teacher who is stretched thin with 30+ students with various abilities and various attention spans.

+1. The parents know that the status quo isn't working. Find something nice to say about the kid so he can find a school with a better fit. Was he excited about athletics? Did he have friends? Was he ever funny? Artistic? Compassionate? Surely you can think of something to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don’t know what it means that the parents were not receptive to working as a team. Parents are not in the classroom (or even allowed in school buildings lately). Other than reinforcing expectations at home, it’s really hard for them to be involved in classroom management in real time. It sounds like this child has other challenges going on and the parents are trying to find a more suitable environment for him. He is a child, and while I’m sure he made your job more difficult, I can’t believe that he had no positive personal qualities or characteristics that you could highlight.

Wow. And this is part of the problem. Working as a team has nothing to do with “classroom management.”

+1 this is the real problem. How can you not understand what it means to work as a team with your kid and teacher? If the OP did not care about the kid they would not be asking for suggestions. Let's stop blaming teachers for kids that have problems.