Au Pair - Asking for more than the stipend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone I know with APs pays $250-350, the higher end if you plan to use all 45 hours.

Imagine trying to live in this area on under $10hr when a gallon of gas is your take home pay for one hour of work.

We understood that the $200 was just for her own enjoyment, and that everything else was on us anyway - clothes, entertainment out, phone, laptop, etc. What do the APs spend on that ends up requiring the additional pay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, we've paid higher than the required stipend for years. We live in an expensive area and expect our au pairs to do a great job. We pay them accordingly.

Thank you for the response. A few questions. Are you in the DMV? How much higher have you paid? Do you wait to see how they do in the home and then increase it or offer a higher rate at the outset? Is the extra rate for extra work?

We've paid between $250-300/wk for a few years now. We base it on the number of hours we expect the au pair to work and the state of covid (i.e., if they are locked down we pay more since they are having a crappier experience).

We also give a raise if the au pair extends for a 2nd year and a completion bonus for finishing out their full agreed term.

Thank you. Do you have multiple children? I would be more willing to increase for that - at the moment ours will be an infant so though requiring all of the hours, not as labor intensive as a toddler.

We have 2 kids, elementary age.

I'd expect to pay more for an infant. You'll need to find someone who's both infant qualified and exceptionally trustworthy. I'd also consider infants to be very labor intensive. Personally I'd never use an au pair for an infant. They're a good choice starting around the preschool ages. Too much can go wrong with a little one.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone I know with APs pays $250-350, the higher end if you plan to use all 45 hours.

Imagine trying to live in this area on under $10hr when a gallon of gas is your take home pay for one hour of work.

We understood that the $200 was just for her own enjoyment, and that everything else was on us anyway - clothes, entertainment out, phone, laptop, etc. What do the APs spend on that ends up requiring the additional pay?

That's correct. Room and board is paid for by the family and the stipend is spending money the au pair uses to socialize and travel. Usually the family will pay for a cell phone plan and either offer the use of a car or provide her with a pre-paid metro card. As a general rule, the families in my neighborhood don't pay extra. I've known some families to bump up the stipend for the au pair's second year with them (au pairs have to pay taxes on that extra stipend) or otherwise offer other perks -- use of a car even if not needed for work, gym memberships, ticket home to see family during their first year, etc.

I work for an agency as a local rep so I've gotten to know a ton of families and au pairs over the years.

[Anonymous]

I am also pro au pairs but would never use one for an infant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone I know with APs pays $250-350, the higher end if you plan to use all 45 hours.

Imagine trying to live in this area on under $10hr when a gallon of gas is your take home pay for one hour of work.

We understood that the $200 was just for her own enjoyment, and that everything else was on us anyway - clothes, entertainment out, phone, laptop, etc. What do the APs spend on that ends up requiring the additional pay?

Not clothes--unless you are requiring her to do something with the baby that requires specific clothes. For example, if you wanted her to take the baby to swim class and she needs to get in the water, but doesn't have a bathing suit and doesn't want to spend her own money on one, then it would be appropriate for you to pay for a basic bathing suit.

Entertainment out with her friends? No, the family is not responsible for that. Entertainment out with the family, as part of the cultural exchange? Yes, you are responsible for that. If you were to all go to a museum together and then out to dinner, you would be responsible for paying the museum entrance fee and her meal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone I know with APs pays $250-350, the higher end if you plan to use all 45 hours.

Imagine trying to live in this area on under $10hr when a gallon of gas is your take home pay for one hour of work.

We understood that the $200 was just for her own enjoyment, and that everything else was on us anyway - clothes, entertainment out, phone, laptop, etc. What do the APs spend on that ends up requiring the additional pay?

Not clothes--unless you are requiring her to do something with the baby that requires specific clothes. For example, if you wanted her to take the baby to swim class and she needs to get in the water, but doesn't have a bathing suit and doesn't want to spend her own money on one, then it would be appropriate for you to pay for a basic bathing suit.

Entertainment out with her friends? No, the family is not responsible for that. Entertainment out with the family, as part of the cultural exchange? Yes, you are responsible for that. If you were to all go to a museum together and then out to dinner, you would be responsible for paying the museum entrance fee and her meal.

I think my understanding is that we are responsible for the au pairs seasonal clothes in as much as they are different from their normal clothes. And yes, entertainment with family (which I imagine is the majority of it for at least the first quarter or half of their time here).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone I know with APs pays $250-350, the higher end if you plan to use all 45 hours.

Imagine trying to live in this area on under $10hr when a gallon of gas is your take home pay for one hour of work.

We understood that the $200 was just for her own enjoyment, and that everything else was on us anyway - clothes, entertainment out, phone, laptop, etc. What do the APs spend on that ends up requiring the additional pay?

Not clothes--unless you are requiring her to do something with the baby that requires specific clothes. For example, if you wanted her to take the baby to swim class and she needs to get in the water, but doesn't have a bathing suit and doesn't want to spend her own money on one, then it would be appropriate for you to pay for a basic bathing suit.

Entertainment out with her friends? No, the family is not responsible for that. Entertainment out with the family, as part of the cultural exchange? Yes, you are responsible for that. If you were to all go to a museum together and then out to dinner, you would be responsible for paying the museum entrance fee and her meal.

I think my understanding is that we are responsible for the au pairs seasonal clothes in as much as they are different from their normal clothes. And yes, entertainment with family (which I imagine is the majority of it for at least the first quarter or half of their time here).

No, we aren't responsible for clothing. If the aupair needs a heavier coat because they cannot buy a heavy coat in their own country, we are supposed to help the aupair buy one once they arrive. Considering Amazon delivers nearly anywhere these days, I'm going to say most aupairs have access to seasonal clothing in their home countries.

Another reason to only host European au pairs though, the weather is similar and you don't have an aupair demand you take them to the mall for clothing.

[Anonymous]

And entertainment only means the entertainment that includes the entire family - like going to the movies. I'm not paying for an aupair's happy hour tab.

Who would host an aupair if food, clothing, tuition and entertainment was part of the cost? Why wouldn't you just hire a nanny at that point. It would be considerably cheaper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone I know with APs pays $250-350, the higher end if you plan to use all 45 hours.

Imagine trying to live in this area on under $10hr when a gallon of gas is your take home pay for one hour of work.

We understood that the $200 was just for her own enjoyment, and that everything else was on us anyway - clothes, entertainment out, phone, laptop, etc. What do the APs spend on that ends up requiring the additional pay?

Not clothes--unless you are requiring her to do something with the baby that requires specific clothes. For example, if you wanted her to take the baby to swim class and she needs to get in the water, but doesn't have a bathing suit and doesn't want to spend her own money on one, then it would be appropriate for you to pay for a basic bathing suit.

Entertainment out with her friends? No, the family is not responsible for that. Entertainment out with the family, as part of the cultural exchange? Yes, you are responsible for that. If you were to all go to a museum together and then out to dinner, you would be responsible for paying the museum entrance fee and her meal.

I think my understanding is that we are responsible for the au pairs seasonal clothes in as much as they are different from their normal clothes. And yes, entertainment with family (which I imagine is the majority of it for at least the first quarter or half of their time here).

No, we aren't responsible for clothing. If the aupair needs a heavier coat because they cannot buy a heavy coat in their own country, we are supposed to help the aupair buy one once they arrive. Considering Amazon delivers nearly anywhere these days, I'm going to say most aupairs have access to seasonal clothing in their home countries.

Another reason to only host European au pairs though, the weather is similar and you don't have an aupair demand you take them to the mall for clothing.

I think we will offer quarterly shopping trips/stipend TBD (not part of the weekly) for clothing refresh. I doubt a European au pair even would be prepared for our swampy summers. A trip to a sale or two seems like a nice bonding experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just getting into the interviewing process and got warned that au pairs may try and negotiate a higher rate. Have others encountered this?

We never negotiated. If they wanted above stipend, we moved on to the next applicant. Before arrival, you have no way of knowing if their experience is real experience or hyped up resume experience by the recruiter in their home country (who gets paid commission for every aupair which is matched). If the aupair arrives and is amazing, then we talk about a higher stipend to keep the aupair from moving on.

Don't get wrapped up in the 'shoulds' and 'typical/common/customary' talk by aupairs and the coordinators. If it isn't in writing and policy, it's all heresay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone I know with APs pays $250-350, the higher end if you plan to use all 45 hours.

Imagine trying to live in this area on under $10hr when a gallon of gas is your take home pay for one hour of work.

We understood that the $200 was just for her own enjoyment, and that everything else was on us anyway - clothes, entertainment out, phone, laptop, etc. What do the APs spend on that ends up requiring the additional pay?

Not clothes--unless you are requiring her to do something with the baby that requires specific clothes. For example, if you wanted her to take the baby to swim class and she needs to get in the water, but doesn't have a bathing suit and doesn't want to spend her own money on one, then it would be appropriate for you to pay for a basic bathing suit.

Entertainment out with her friends? No, the family is not responsible for that. Entertainment out with the family, as part of the cultural exchange? Yes, you are responsible for that. If you were to all go to a museum together and then out to dinner, you would be responsible for paying the museum entrance fee and her meal.

I think my understanding is that we are responsible for the au pairs seasonal clothes in as much as they are different from their normal clothes. And yes, entertainment with family (which I imagine is the majority of it for at least the first quarter or half of their time here).

No, we aren't responsible for clothing. If the aupair needs a heavier coat because they cannot buy a heavy coat in their own country, we are supposed to help the aupair buy one once they arrive. Considering Amazon delivers nearly anywhere these days, I'm going to say most aupairs have access to seasonal clothing in their home countries.

Another reason to only host European au pairs though, the weather is similar and you don't have an aupair demand you take them to the mall for clothing.

I think we will offer quarterly shopping trips/stipend TBD (not part of the weekly) for clothing refresh. I doubt a European au pair even would be prepared for our swampy summers. A trip to a sale or two seems like a nice bonding experience.

If you like to shop. I don't and with young children, it's a pain to do so. Seems odd you feel like her/his own mother couldn't help her refresh her clothing while she is here. They do have parents still.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, we've paid higher than the required stipend for years. We live in an expensive area and expect our au pairs to do a great job. We pay them accordingly.

Thank you for the response. A few questions. Are you in the DMV? How much higher have you paid? Do you wait to see how they do in the home and then increase it or offer a higher rate at the outset? Is the extra rate for extra work?

We've paid between $250-300/wk for a few years now. We base it on the number of hours we expect the au pair to work and the state of covid (i.e., if they are locked down we pay more since they are having a crappier experience).

We also give a raise if the au pair extends for a 2nd year and a completion bonus for finishing out their full agreed term.

Thank you. Do you have multiple children? I would be more willing to increase for that - at the moment ours will be an infant so though requiring all of the hours, not as labor intensive as a toddler.

If you have a child under 2, you have a limited pool because you're required to find someone infant qualified. You also can't leave a child under 3 months alone with an AP, even if she's infant qualified.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They don't negotiate, they limit their talks with families to those who offer extra pay, other good perks, best locations and nicest, easiest children. Or the best combo they find of that. Au Pairs are young girls, they aren't seasoned interviewers. They will find out what you are offering based on your profile, intro email or a short facetime chat, and then ghost you if they aren't interested, sometimes with a polite email.

I see. What are "good perks" and is extra pay offered for basic duties or for extra duties?

You aren't allowed to pay for extra duties. That's against the rules of the program.

I read on the other rate thread that people are paying their au pairs extra for babysitting - is that not acceptable?

Illegal. She is only allowed to work 45 hours a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone I know with APs pays $250-350, the higher end if you plan to use all 45 hours.

Imagine trying to live in this area on under $10hr when a gallon of gas is your take home pay for one hour of work.

We understood that the $200 was just for her own enjoyment, and that everything else was on us anyway - clothes, entertainment out, phone, laptop, etc. What do the APs spend on that ends up requiring the additional pay?

Not clothes--unless you are requiring her to do something with the baby that requires specific clothes. For example, if you wanted her to take the baby to swim class and she needs to get in the water, but doesn't have a bathing suit and doesn't want to spend her own money on one, then it would be appropriate for you to pay for a basic bathing suit.

Entertainment out with her friends? No, the family is not responsible for that. Entertainment out with the family, as part of the cultural exchange? Yes, you are responsible for that. If you were to all go to a museum together and then out to dinner, you would be responsible for paying the museum entrance fee and her meal.

I think my understanding is that we are responsible for the au pairs seasonal clothes in as much as they are different from their normal clothes. And yes, entertainment with family (which I imagine is the majority of it for at least the first quarter or half of their time here).

No, we aren't responsible for clothing. If the aupair needs a heavier coat because they cannot buy a heavy coat in their own country, we are supposed to help the aupair buy one once they arrive. Considering Amazon delivers nearly anywhere these days, I'm going to say most aupairs have access to seasonal clothing in their home countries.

Another reason to only host European au pairs though, the weather is similar and you don't have an aupair demand you take them to the mall for clothing.

This is not true. Look at a map and you will see that Wash., DC/metro area is on a longitude with Madrid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And entertainment only means the entertainment that includes the entire family - like going to the movies. I'm not paying for an aupair's happy hour tab.

Who would host an aupair if food, clothing, tuition and entertainment was part of the cost? Why wouldn't you just hire a nanny at that point. It would be considerably cheaper.

Ah, but you are getting 45 child care hours for half minimum wage.