Multigenerational family vacation

[Anonymous]

We’ve done this sort of trip successfully at Sea Colony in Bethany with my in-laws 4 families total. We meet for dinner most nights, and the cousins spend most of every day together at the beach or pool or going to town to play putt putt or get a snack. Although I’m very fond of all involved, I would never want to be together in a single house.

[Anonymous]

We've done this kind of vacation a few times, in both large single houses and multiple condos in the same complex. I'm an introvert and I realized early on I needed a space (usually a bedroom) with a door that can close to retreat to when needed....my H was fine with that. We also always get our own car to have transportation flexibility. If it's a longer trip, we don't all plan on having all meals together. For a weekend trip, we've done a taco bar one night and the other night my MIL will get a big tray of lasagna from Costco (so minimal cooking items). We also don't plan on doing all activities together, maybe there's one or two things we'll all do depending on the length of stay. From reading these boards over the years, it seems like the biggest issues arise when people expect everyone to do everything together the whole time...thankfully my ILs aren't like that so these family trips usually go smoothly for us.

[Anonymous]

We do it every year, but I don’t find it relaxing . However, the kids all love it- seeing everyone and playing with their cousins. It builds their sense of belonging and community, so it’s worth the struggle.

[Anonymous]

We do it regularly. Loads of fun. We do it at our second home and destination vacations (dude ranch, cruise ship, Greenbrier, etc). Usually 3-5 families plus our parents and inlaws for each family. One time we went to Italy with over 40 people.

We try to do at least one whole family event a year. We haven't done one since Covid and I know people are getting antsy cuz we keep talking about it and side-eyeing each other to see who will break first and say "what the heck" and start planning, Covid be darned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We do it every year, but I don’t find it relaxing . However, the kids all love it- seeing everyone and playing with their cousins. It builds their sense of belonging and community, so it’s worth the struggle.

This. It dies make for great memories and spur of the moment fun between the generations. I have a very type A SIL. Thanks to her planning I think we avoided possible issues. Decide about food up front. Is everyone eating together every night. If so how will cooking be handled? Are breakfast and lunch on your own? Make a list of general food and everyone chops.

[Anonymous]

Sorry. On a cell. Everyone chips in.

[Anonymous]

I would love to see this thread and 'parents and ILs weird with food' thread merged. I need to read the food controlling while on vacation stories.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would love to see this thread and 'parents and ILs weird with food' thread merged. I need to read the food controlling while on vacation stories.

::buffs nails:: ::hold my beer:: Oh you can’t hold my beer because I don’t have one because my ILs don’t drink and dealing with the side eye and comments pretty much makes it not worth it to even try. So I get a “vacation” where I can’t even unwind or deal with their issues by having a glass of wine. Plus no food and the most uncomfortable sleeping arrangements known to vacationers. Think army cot in the common space for one of their sons, both of whom top at at over 6’5”.

[Anonymous]

We've done this before. It works out okay if there is enough space/you're going to a location where there's stuff to do, so that you're not just stuck sitting in the house all day.

I can definitely echo what others have said that the food situation is very tricky. We'd be fine ordering takeout for every meal, but the in-laws are very into cooking these big, elaborate meals. That was fine before kids arrived, but once kids got thrown into the mix, it made things much more complicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We do it every year, but I don’t find it relaxing . However, the kids all love it- seeing everyone and playing with their cousins. It builds their sense of belonging and community, so it’s worth the struggle.

This. It dies make for great memories and spur of the moment fun between the generations. I have a very type A SIL. Thanks to her planning I think we avoided possible issues. Decide about food up front. Is everyone eating together every night. If so how will cooking be handled? Are breakfast and lunch on your own? Make a list of general food and everyone chops.

I might be this type a SIL! Ha. We have some significant food restrictions so I’m pretty controlling of my own family’s food situation but everyone else can join in or do their own thing. Same for activities- I have a plan and everyone is welcome if they let me know in time aside from a handful of activities I do with just one of my kids to let them recharge a little. Agree the key is enough space- we are high maintenance about this and have done everything from paying for a large enough house to getting a separate nearby sleeping place (room or separate condo depending on what is available). My kids are nightmares if they have too many nights of bad sleep. We have never done 6 families I don’t think though, maybe close.

I am not sure what my IL think of my approach, I think they think “oh we would have figured it out” but then enjoy that they have all the stuff for breakfast and tickets to the activities they want to do available to them with no effort.

[Anonymous]

No way, no how. I will only vacation with nuclear family and close friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone who does these type of vacations — the big beach house with grandparents, siblings, cousins, etc — actually enjoy them and find them relaxing?

We were considering it pre-pandemic and never made it happen. Now there’s rumblings among the family of trying to make it happen this summer but between logistics and various personality conflicts — I’m feeling reluctant. This would potentially involve 6 different “family units”. Would it actually be a relaxing and rejuvenating vacation? I doubt it. But are we missing something that’s super fun despite the annoyances involved if we don’t do it?

Curious to hear experiences from those who’ve done it.

We do when it's with family members who actually travel and vacation.

Once we invited some that don't leisure travel and even paid for their lodging. They didn't appreciate anything, talk when in the rental car with us driving around to sites, and stayed in a cooked stew for hours every other day. Then when asked what they thought of this famous long beach, the matriarch said "I don't know, I haven't seen the others." What a mental case or total insult! Either way, no need to go anywhere with them again.

[Anonymous]

We have done this several times before pandemic. We rented a place where everyone had their own unit and food was provided (either chef or a restaurant).

My mother does not want anyone to do the cooking and she insists on making sure that we have a staff to cater to all of us - cleaner, cook, driver, gopher...

People went for drives, biking, napped, played cards...kids hung out with cousins and parents took care of their own toddlers. My sister would also bring a nanny for her toddler to the vacation.

We are great in doing family vacations, but we are also used to having staff and not planning too many things. Yes, dinner at night. Sometimes the men wanted to BBQ and have drinks etc - but regular food was still made and available.

In my opinion, this kind of vacation only works when people have money and can take care of logistics and outsourcing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We do family vacations at all-inclusive resorts. No cooking, cleaning, or resentment around that. Kids can roam in packs, relatively unsupervised, and still safe. It's kind of a doubletake to see the kids at the swim-up bars, enjoying their Shirley Temples. DD's favorite vacations are always these, and although we haven't done one since 2019, she still remembers them fondly.

I know this isn't the travel forum, but can you give an example of one? This sounds really fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We do family vacations at all-inclusive resorts. No cooking, cleaning, or resentment around that. Kids can roam in packs, relatively unsupervised, and still safe. It's kind of a doubletake to see the kids at the swim-up bars, enjoying their Shirley Temples. DD's favorite vacations are always these, and although we haven't done one since 2019, she still remembers them fondly.

This I have done and would do again. We did the same thing with a cruise a few years ago and it was the perfect mix of togetherness without being on top of one another (even on a cruise ship). I've shared a house with my parents and brother's family and that was ok every few years. I don't think I would want to do it annually or with more people. And I never understood the appeal of doing this with a big group of friends. Sounds awful to me but other people love it.