How did you know you were done having kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know my max is two. I just have one now and am struggling with the decision about the second. Do I have enough resources (money, energy, social support). What if it’s twins? What if the kid has special needs? But if I had two I would know for sure my family is complete.

Only children are very cool. Self confident, motivated, independent. Don’t let the old stereotypes sway you. Having one is like having your cake and eating it too!

[Anonymous]

Just a supporter of one here as well! It’s like you get all the best parts of parenting while remaining yourself and raising an incredible human.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t know right away, after our second was born I thought maybe a third would be great. I see now I wasn’t being realistic. Youngest was 3 when COVID hit and I got a lot of that desire for another kid out of my system (in a good way) doing all the little kid family stuff to the max for a year. I am tired now and a third kid would mean we all start again… whereas we are now almost to the point of fun family travel. It is a short window of ~5 years before the oldest becomes a teen and doesn’t want to see us anymore so I intend to enjoy it. I think what a smaller family lacks in quantity it makes up for in intensity, as in I can be much more present and give more attention to each. YMMV

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just a supporter of one here as well! It’s like you get all the best parts of parenting while remaining yourself and raising an incredible human.

+1

Interrogate why you want to have a second. May be more social pressure/ingrained societal norms than what would make a happy family.

[Anonymous]

I had my second at 40 (both kids healthy, and I didn't have any complications). I thought that was probably the time to fold 'em.

If I were in your shoes, had the money and organizational ability to get a lot of help, and a very solid marriage, I'd go for it. One of my role models/mentors has a very high flying job, started as a school teacher in Cameroon, and raised four boys into wonderful, successful men. Her advice: get as much help as you possibly can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a supporter of one here as well! It’s like you get all the best parts of parenting while remaining yourself and raising an incredible human.

+1

Interrogate why you want to have a second. May be more social pressure/ingrained societal norms than what would make a happy family.

Yep. My reason was "my mom always said only children were selfish." Not actual empirical good reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are still on the fence about having one more kid. We are 38 and have 3 right now (7, 5 and almost 2) and the idea of a vasectomy seems too permanent. BUT I am old. And we have 3 kids already. If we did it we would have to do it now or never. I keep waffling back and forth!

When the thought of another round of naps, diapers and potty training filled me with dread rather than warm fuzzies.

[Anonymous]

I had my 3rd at 38. When I turned 40, I knew I was done.

If I was younger, I may have gone for a fourth. I have 3 healthy children. Did not want to mess with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a supporter of one here as well! It’s like you get all the best parts of parenting while remaining yourself and raising an incredible human.

+1

Interrogate why you want to have a second. May be more social pressure/ingrained societal norms than what would make a happy family.

Yep. My reason was "my mom always said only children were selfish." Not actual empirical good reasons.

Oh yeah, mine was “my only might be lonely as an adult.” Yuppp that’s true but that’s unrelated to siblings

[Anonymous]

My DH was adamant about stopping at 2, so I had no choice in the matter. I do hear that some people never feel "done" but at some point the chapter closes and you have to face it.

[Anonymous]

Just to put a spin on it- you may never feel done. DH and I agreed on two. The second was born and I didn’t feel done. I convinced him to have a third, and I knew that was IT, and she was born last summer and I would 100% have a fourth. Some women just don’t ever feel done. But that doesn’t mean we procreate forever. Sometimes it’s just hard to let go of the notion that you’ll never have another baby.

[Anonymous]

On the table having the third. I had my tubes removed right then and there. I was glad to have three but had the feeling that we had all finally arrived.

[Anonymous]

When I saw how much time #2 took away from #1, I knew I didn’t want to divide my time any further, despite loving kids and parenthood. Obviously not everyone feels this way but I’m glad I just have the two to focus on.