Be Brutally Honest When Saying You Want Divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you don't have any kids?

I wouldn't tell her anything in person. I'd have the lawyer draw up the documents and serve her. There's no reason for you to ever talk to her again. That's what lawyers are for.

Children are grown. However, one, thought an adult, is still at home b/c of the pandemic. She moved back after college graduation.

What does she know or understand about her mother? She may bear the brunt of this. Can she move out? Does she have warning ?

Is she even the birth mother or is she a step mom?

I hope your daughter has therapy set up…

[Anonymous]

OP here. Lawyer and therapist day to hold off the discussion until all ducks are lined up and we have a safety plan in place for DD.

[Anonymous]

Just feeling pressured b/c STBX suspects something may be coming and keeps asking.

[Anonymous]

And feeling sh**ty to have to deflect and say things to keep things on an even keel until everyting is ready.

[Anonymous]

Hope everything is ready to go soon. I imagine you just want to get it over with at this point.

[Anonymous]

Yes. But also next week is out anniversary. I’m thinking I will just “forget about it.” Papers are coming soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Were you doing therapy? Could you arrange a tele therapy conference appointment and tell her with someone else there?

I don’t know if your spouse will agree to the appointment, but it’s going to set her into a tailspin and better to have a professional there.

Many people lose control of their emotions when divorce is mentioned. It’s going to be +1000 with a BPD so if you can have someone else present, it can help

She is attractive and amazing in bed. Op, will attest to that as I dated someone with Bpd, too

[Anonymous]

If STBX is as volatile as you say then you do need to prioritize your daughter at home ‘s safety. Do you know if she has a job or was planning to be at home open-ended? You at least ought to factor in being willing to cover her housing expenses for 3-6 months to give her a safety net nand the ability to be safe.

[Anonymous]

I find OP's question is confusing to me. A divorce from who, or to whom? Why was this question ignored?

[Anonymous]

From his spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did you tell your spouse you wanted a divorce? Or how did they tell you?

I’m thinking I need to be brutally honest with my wife - just rip off the band aid. She’s BPD, so it’s going to be hell.

I didn't say I want a divorce. I told him I was divorcing him. I'd literally already green-lighted the attorney that morning and asked that they serve him in the afternoon. I told DH it was happening late morning. I did it on a Thursday and we told the kids on a Saturday. The following weekend the kids and I moved out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was pretty brutally honest.

Do tell.

[Anonymous]

I would have all conversation through attorneys. What good do you possibly think is going to come from being "brutally honest" in this situation with an unstable person you have been married to for decades, OP? Not only would it be cruel, it is not even in your self interest.

Narcs are often found with BPDs, just saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is BPD bipolar or borderline?

Borderline

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I divorced a BPD.

1. Get everything you care about out of the house.
2. Get all your finances squared away.
3. Have your lawyer ready to file.
4. Have your lawyer tell her (as in send a letter).
5. Have your tape recorder running.

The second she finds out it's real all hell will break loose.

I’m actually already out of the house. There is nothing in it that I want. I’ve hired a lawyer and I’ve spent this weekend filling out a lot of paperwork about the marital history, etc. I’m feeling a bit of time pressure. I’m a diplomat posted overseas and STBX is now making noises about coming here. I absolutely do not want her here. I had to block her on my phone last weekend after she was being particularly verbally abusive. She then started to email my supervisors and coworkers. I’ve talked to HR and security and advised them that I will be filing for divorce and had her email blocked by our IT administrator.

She has quit her job in the US “because she didn’t like it.” She is not on my orders and presently has no valid passport, so she’s not getting here anytime soon. But I really need my lawyer to get the ball rolling.

I dated BP/ BPD person… tried to help… there was never a chance, thank goodness not married.

She quit her job, file ASAP, she is doing so to say BPD makes it so she can’t now work… and you need to pay her.