X-post from General: how do you deal with needing to tell the kids the same things, over and over...
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Anonymous
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I think this may be an issue of my children getting older, and the same techniques not working as if they were little kids, so I would really appreciate your advice.
I am honestly in need of advice and strategies to help my household run more smoothly. I have two children, 5 and 7, who are inherently good, easy kids. The younger one's a little sassy, but nothing major. No tantrums, do great in school, eat whatever I serve, always behave at playdates, no big issues, good kids. But I am about to tear my hair out from constantly having to tell them the same things over and over and over. Things like: Stand on the bathmat until you're wrapped in a towel, instead of tracking water all over the bathroom Table manners: bring the spoon to your mouth, not your mouth to the bowl, no slurping spaghetti, use a napkin (!!), etc. Put your clothes in the hamper Put your shoes in the bin Close your dresser drawers change out of your uniform when you get home stop telling your sibling what to do stop teasing your sibling stop FREAKING OUT when your sibling teases you put your seatbelts on stop yelling for me from the other room, etc. I feel like I have gently led them, since they were little, in doing the right things. I have reminded, and used positive reinforcement, and praised good behavior, and focused on the good, and now I am losing my s*$t because I have been there, done that, what feels like a million times and they should know this stuff by now! How hard can all of this be! Are my expectation too high? I don't understand what to do next. Reminding them of the same things every day is not working - I'm starting to get beyond testy about it, and it's ruining our family time. Help! |
Anonymous
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shorten your list and figure out which matter to you.
and why are you cracking down on the teased instead of the teaser? |
Anonymous
Because the teased massively over-reacts instead of just leaving the situation. Screaming, crying, hitting - it's a massive over-reaction. Yes, shortening the list will help. DH and I just had a little meeting to decide on some strategies. He's going to take over dinnertime stuff - make a list of 5 manners and focus on them. Hopefully that will help with dinner stuff! |
Anonymous
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Pay them. Seriously. I made a chart for my DDs and told them "You are to do these things. At the end of each day, I will check off which of these things you did. At the end of each week, I will count the checkmarks and you will get five cents for each one. Whoever gets the most checkmarks will get a quarter, and if EVERY thing gets checked for EVERY day of the week, you'll get a dollar."
Money was such a great motivator. I kept it up for an entire month, and then it had become habit. It seemed like after 3 weeks it had become habit, but I wanted to make sure. |
Anonymous
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Shorten the list. Fastening seatbelts always is on it. Your kids are old enough that if they start going at each other you can step back and see if they can work it out. The massive overreaction is succeeding in getting attention.
About half the list is things I still have to remind my teen. You probably don't want to hear that. |
Anonymous
| Talk about things before they happen. For example, before bath time sit down together. Maybe make it special with a drink or a little snack or some cuddles, and say "I've noticed that we're having a problem at bath time . . . " Explain how this impacts them "Then I have to clean up, and I don't have as much time to read to you . . ." and offer a challenge "Can you try and stay on the bathmat, so we can have time for 2 chapters of My Father's Dragon tonight?" |
Anonymous
About half the list is things I still have to tell my spouse. |
Anonymous
| I try to outline the agenda ahead of time (ie. driving home from school, we discuss that we'll get home, they'll change out of their uniforms, then have a snack, then get started on their homework, etc.) Then when they start deviating from that, I ask them to tell me again what the schedule was, and that usually helps get them back on track. It helps for even some of the non-scheduled things on your list too. So when the teased child starts freaking out ask "Larla, I know you're upset, but what have I said you need to try and do when Aiden teases you like this? Are you doing that right now?" |
ThatSmileyFaceGuy
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| Post the list with a time penalty for each one. During the week they get a check for each infraction. Friday night the time is added up and they owe you that much time in chores before anything else is done on Saturday. It might not eliminate all the problems but you get stuff done. |