Approaching due date for a pregnancy that ended in miscarriage

[Anonymous]

I had a miscarriage last summer, and the due date was April 20th. As the due date approaches, I find I am having a harder and harder time. I thought I would either be pregnant or "over it" by now, but I am neither. Anyone else feel the same way, or were you "over it" by the time your due date was approaching?

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry. I had a miscarriage during summer 2011 and that was my due date too. I actually got pregnant again right after (which was super strange bc the miscarried pergnancy came after a year of infertility and IVF) and I expected to feel fine about it since I was only a month from my due date when it rolled around. But in actuality I was just super anxious about stillbirth and losing the then-current pregnancy. But if it gives you any hope, it ended up well and I now have a 10 month old throwing a tantrum in the other room. I will be thinking of you on the 20th and I really hope thins work out.

[Anonymous]

I would not expect you to be over it. It will be tough so no need to be tougher on yourself because you are still sad.

My heart goes out to you and I hope it comes and goes and a pregnancy is in your near future.

[Anonymous]

i can relate; my due date is coming soon, in early April. It is not easy, especially given that others I know are en route to having their first or second children at this time.

[Anonymous]

<-- I meant "child" (not "children")

[Anonymous]

I actually got pregnant right after a miscarriage, I spent so much of that pregnancy filled with fear, and still had a good few hours of crying when the due date for my MC came along.

You're grieving a person that you never got the chance to meet, but already grew to love.. Allow yourself the opportunity to do that. You have every right and reason to be sad about this. There are so many of us that have been there and know how you're feeling.

Hugs to you OP.

[Anonymous]

Thanks so much. This is the OP. I had two miscarriages last summer, one right after the other. The first loss was very early and was not nearly as upsetting as the second. We took some time off from TTC because I was too scared to try again. Now we have been trying with charting and timed intercourse for a few months and no luck. I turned 37 today and feel a bit hopeless about it. We have a wonderful 3 year old DC, whom I am so thankful for. A lot of people don't understand that secondary infertility is hard, and they seem to expect me to be 'over it' because I already have a healthy, wonderful child. So then I feel guilty for feeling sad. Anyway, today is a tough birthday for me. Thank you all for your support.

[Anonymous]

OP, I hear you. My due date was 2/21 and it was a really hard week. I miscarried at 12 weeks in August and we haven't been able to conceive again since. The day, not as much as I anticipated, but the week before and the week after - all the loss and the "where would I be now" questions and feelings... It was tough. Do you have someone close you can talk through all this with: a relative, husband/partner, friend? I had a wonderful conversation with a friend who also had experienced a late first tri loss and it made all the difference to be able to talk it through aloud, to cry and say, "I could have had a baby today" and "This is so shitty" etc. try to take it easy with yourself. This journey is so tough.

[Anonymous]

Nothing much to add, except more support that what you are going through is totally normal and ok. I lost a pregnancy midway through in August of 2011. I struggled on his due date in January of 2012 and couldn't go to work on the anniversary of the miscarriage. This January was easier, but I still thought about him and what it wold be like to be celebrating a year with him. Be gentle with yourself and don't judge how you feel. Having your other child is lovely, but doesn't make the loss less real or intense. Hugs to you OP.

[Anonymous]

Miscarriages are just so hard. People don't get it unless they have been through it themselves. They don't want to talk about it, or don't know how, and they expect you to be over it so quickly. I'm only 6 weeks out, and people have said things like, "I'm so glad you're on the other side of it now." It makes you feel silly for not being over it, AND it makes you less able to talk to people who you normally reach out to for support.

Unless you've been through it, you don't understand how hard the milestones are... we would have been finding out if it's a boy or a girl, the baby would have been kicking by now, would have been having a baby shower, and then the huge one... the baby would be here! That's a big deal. Go easy on yourself.

[Anonymous]

It can still be hard on milestone days like your due date...and sometimes on random days out of the blue. You're allowed to be sad whenever it comes, and I find that trying to pretend I'm not sad makes it worse. Thinking good thoughts for you, OP>

[Anonymous]

Over 5 years ago I lost 1 of 2 twins at about 14 weeks. I still think about that baby everytime I see twins and double strollers. It was a significant loss and I am okay with mourning it always. I don't cry anymore when I see twins, but I always wonder what if. A few years later we tried an IVF with a frozen embryo from the same "batch". There was only one and the IVF was not successful. I left like it was my last chance at that twin -- which probably sounds a little crazy -- but I guess it was a connection back to that lost baby. We made the mistake of telling my ILs that we were trying for another baby with the frozen embryo and they said something like "but you have two lovely children" and we sorry we told them - even sorrier when we had to tell them the IVF failed and they went on to tell us about our lovely children. It's true of course, our kids are wonderful, but that didn't make the loss any less sad for me. A loss is still a loss. OP allow yourself as much grieving as you need and understand that this may be one of the things in life that time may not heal so quickly.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry OP. I had a miscarriage in August also at 11 weeks and the due date is end of this week. I've been thinking about it a lot too. I think it's ok to be sad, and as others have said-whatever you feel you feel. There is no right or wrong here. Talk to those you can, because in my opinion it makes it easier. Lots of hugs to you.

[Anonymous]

Thanks so much to all of you for your kind words. It really helps to not feel so alone. In the "real" world, it is hard not to feel so very alone, because people don't generally talk about this. But every day, it seems that someone else is having another baby. While I'm happy for them, it does make me feel even more acutely the losses, and while I watch them celebrate, I allow myself to feel even more alone.

[Anonymous]

I searched this topic and this chat came up. I also miscarried my first pregnancy. This was a devastating experience but we were fortunate enough to get pregnant on the first try thereafter. I am now pregnant and excited for my soon to be baby. Tomorrow is the due date from my first and I find myself very sad. I dont believe I will ever be comepletely "over it". The reality is, no matter how common, no matter what the reason, you lost a life that you already loved. I guess my point is that getting pregnant again does not negate the sadness from the loss. It is a different life, a second child, however you want to put it; it does not change loss of the first. Its ok to be sad as the due date approaches and to always have a place in your heart for your lost baby.