One co-worker bitches to you about another - what do you do?

[Anonymous]

Co-worker #1 approaches me about issues with teleworking in our office - says "it is none of my business, but it must be co-worker #2 or #3 who is abusing the system". Meanwhile, I HATE co-worker #1 and have no idea why she is having a closed door session with me except perhaps to cover her ass. I am good friends with co-worker #2 so of course I tell her what #1 said and we have a good laugh. I'm now thinking of telling co-worker #3 - we are "friendly" but not close. Reason I'm considering it - #1 has indicated that she will stab anyone in the back and I want to give a warning to #3, who likely has no idea #1 is doing this. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Yeah, my thoughts are be very careful.

There is a good chance that #1, #2, #3 are actually talking about you behind your back and will then stab you in the back.

You were better off just getting the info from #1 and keeping it to yourself. You never know when it might come in handy.

[Anonymous]

When Coworker #1 came to you, she was the Office Gossip Queen.

When you went to Coworker #2 and ratted out her vicious lies, you became the Office Gossip Queen and the Evil Bitch of the Universe. Congratulations. There is nothing worse than this sort of idle rumor-mongering and shit-stirring for undermining office moral.

What you should have done: Smiled and said you don't know anything about that. You can now look forward to World War III, to being called into your boss' office and blamed for the entire affair, and to everyone probably being told that work at home is cancelled.

[Anonymous]

Do not get involved. I know you are friends with #2 and I prob would've told her too. But that's it. No more talking about it.

[Anonymous]

OP, sorry but I hear you passing judgment on #1 when you are no better. The best day of your life will be when you learn to behave like an adult at the office. I don't go out of my way to make close personal friendships with people at the office. My experience has been that it gets in the way of professionalism every time. There are a group of women in my office who are personal friends and I keep them all at arms length. I am just as friendly as I have to be and otherwise keep it strictly professional. I trust none of them. Don't be like those bitches.

[Anonymous]

What I do is refuse to talk shit about people, and spread around the (true) rumor that I'm not much for gossiping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I do is refuse to talk shit about people, and spread around the (true) rumor that I'm not much for gossiping.

This. X 1 million bajillion

[Anonymous]

OP here - thanks - this is really helpful. I will keep my mouth shut/

Co-worker #1 is scary b/c although she is not management she used to be and she still has the ear of management. She is definitely poisoning the well but she gets away with it. (I know I would not.) I generally try to stay away from #1 b/c I sense she would ruin me if she could. Honestly I think she would freak out at me if I told her that I'm not a gossip - probably just turn it against me somehow. And I do assume she talks about me - why not if she is talking about everyone else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thanks - this is really helpful. I will keep my mouth shut/

Co-worker #1 is scary b/c although she is not management she used to be and she still has the ear of management. She is definitely poisoning the well but she gets away with it. (I know I would not.) I generally try to stay away from #1 b/c I sense she would ruin me if she could. Honestly I think she would freak out at me if I told her that I'm not a gossip - probably just turn it against me somehow. And I do assume she talks about me - why not if she is talking about everyone else?

You don't have to say "I'm not a gossip." You can say "oooh, wow, really, oh." and then politely excuse yourself or say you were on your way to a meeting. Then forget about it.

[Anonymous]

I always play dumb when people trash one another and say no, I hadn't noticed that, nope, I don't know anything about it, etc. Shut 'em down I act polite and professional but clueless and say I gotta get back to my project/am busy with fill in the blank workproject, which I am, lol.

[Anonymous]

we only trash managers-- and that's in the name of keeping up morale

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:we only trash managers-- and that's in the name of keeping up morale

And getting your ass fired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When Coworker #1 came to you, she was the Office Gossip Queen.

When you went to Coworker #2 and ratted out her vicious lies, you became the Office Gossip Queen and the Evil Bitch of the Universe. Congratulations. There is nothing worse than this sort of idle rumor-mongering and shit-stirring for undermining office moral.

What you should have done: Smiled and said you don't know anything about that. You can now look forward to World War III, to being called into your boss' office and blamed for the entire affair, and to everyone probably being told that work at home is cancelled.

Yes, best to stay out of it. What you did reminds me a lot of middle school. While your intentions were good, it just stirs up unnecessary drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:we only trash managers-- and that's in the name of keeping up morale

And getting your ass fired.

Seriously, you don't think anyone complains about the stupid things managers do in your organization? And I know sometimes they have no choice even, but the pointy headed boss was exactly the hero of Dilbert....

[Anonymous]

Keep it professional and do not gossip or trash talk about anyone in the office. Be friendly but don't take sides. Things can change very quickly and it's best to be the neutral party.