Help me to talk to pre-school staff about DS.

[Anonymous]

Hi, My DS who attends a county SN preschool comes out of school with crusted food like apple sauce/yogurt or milk around his mouth. Last 10 days, he has been crying a lot(he never cried earlier and non-verbal, so dont know what's going on) and comes out of school with dried up tears on his cheeks, nose, eyes etc. It hurts me to see him like that when it is time to pick up(looks dirty with crusted food and dried up tears etc) and noticed that other kids have clean/ok faces. To give them the hint, I tried cleaning up with a wet wipe at the time of pick up while talking to them about his day. Can you pl suggest me a way to mention it to the staff in a nice way to clean his face or help him clean his face. Don't want the staff to feel bad or I don't want them to treat my DS in a bad way. Don't have experience to talk to staff as he is our only kid. Staff and Kid ratio is fine as it is 1:3. Any suggestions? Thx!

[Anonymous]

Sometimes kids are funny about having their faces washed (I have one preschooler with ASD and one NT toddler, and only the preschooler tolerates well it now, and didn't for a long time). As parents, we have tricks or special methods for this, often without really thinking about it! If it were me, I might say something like, "Hey, we've recently found a useful trick that helps a lot when we wash DS's face after a meal. It's made things so much easier for us, and we wanted to share it with you, too." And then describe what you do at home. Or, "At home, we're trying to help DS learn to wash his own face, and we would love it if you guys were able to try this at school. Here's what we do at home: ______________." In other words, just share some information or ask them to help with something you're doing at home. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

OP here - Thank you for a wonderful suggestion!

[Anonymous]

I think the best idea whenever you have to talk to school staff/teachers is to approach the problem like you are in the same team trying to problem solve. Whether you believe it or not, approaching this way is helpful because it avoids putting the teachers on the defensive and involves them in finding solutions. I think I would start the conversation by saying that your son has been unusually teary at home lately and you wonder if they have noticed this as well and if they have any ideas about what might be going on. In the course of this discussion there will probably be an opening for you to bring up the other topic (which is kind of secondary anyway, right?) in a non-threatening way, something like "Does DS make it hard for you to wipe him? I have noticed sometimes he looks messy and wondering if he resists being cleaned" and then you can offer ideas as they respond.