Low self esteem in child with special needs : (

[Anonymous]

Anyone have a child who suffers from very low self esteem due to their disability? My son, 9, is very aware of his limitations and he has convinced himself that he is worthless compared to his peers. It sickens me to death for him to feel this way. Of course we encourage him, highlight his strengths, etc. We do psychotherapy when we can, and are considering meds.

Any other advice?

[Anonymous]

Is he being bullied?

[Anonymous]

I am a mom of two ADHD children, not a psychologist, psychiatrist, or a pediatrician. My opinion and advice may not apply to your child because I do not know your child or what disability your child has.

In my children's cases, I did see significant impact to their self esteem between 3rd and 5th grade. Their disabilities really had an impact with reading comprehension but in the early years, they could mask their problems by listening to the teacher and other children talking about books in their reading groups. They realized as they got older, they were having difficulties getting the same info. from reading as their peers, they felt dumb, and they did not want anyone to know.

Their self esteem issues and anxieties about school became better when their needs began to be addressed through an IEP and a private Special Education tutor. In middle school, my daughter was sensitive to other kids knowing she had an IEP. She had a particularly bad teacher in 6th grade that told the class that she got special accommodations because she had a disability. It hurt a lot at first, but then she realized her friends and peers did not treat her differently. She also made some new friends that she kept close with through high school that also had IEPs and they helped each other navigate through school problems.

The key question a professional should evaluate your child for is what is the root cause of the self esteem issue? Low self esteem, anxiety, depression could be symptoms of a comorbid mental health disorder or it could be a normal reaction to the stress your child deals with when facing an education system that is not meeting his/her needs. Our pediatrician used the approach of first educational supports (accommodations at school and tutoring) and then we moved on to medication for treatment of the ADHD symptoms. When we saw the self esteem and anxiety issues improve, we knew my children did not need treatment for a comorbid mental health issue.

[Anonymous]

Can you find an older mentor or role model who is sucessful and who has the same issues who would be willing to spend some time with your son
?

[Anonymous]

Is he in the right school for him?

[Anonymous]

Great post, 14:17. My oldest (ADHD/LD/anxiety) is in 4th grade and esteem issues/negative self talk have been signfiicant challenges. In our DS, it can be difficult to separate the anxiety from esteem issues. Even if he gets 9 math problems in a row correct, when he gets stuck on the 10th, he floods emotionally and becomes 'the stupidest kids, the only one who can't do it' . He takes a non-stimulant for ADHD because of tics so we were pretty sure that medication wasn't contributing to the anxiety/esteem issues. Last year for a period of about 9 months, he took generic Prozac which really helped.

To help his esteem issues, we talk briefly every night about what went well during the day and what could have been better. We give him chores - like laundry which makes him feel really good (can you believe knowing how to laundry is such an esteem boosters?) He feels really good about himself when he feels he can contribute. He's also been assigned to be reading but to a struggling student in 1st grade. We also encourage his interests. He's not an advanced reader but he does like reading the Harry Potter books and playing the Harry Potter Wii games. I've read all the books so we can talk about them. After he finishes one book, we watch the movie. It may be hard to understand how these things contribute to positive self esteem but they do. I think part of it is a feeling of genuine accomplishment and being able to share it with us. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he in the right school for him?

+1000!!!

[Anonymous]

Have you tried a summer camp where the kids have similar issues? It might make him feel less alone.