What my parents gave me that didn't cost anything. Tell your good stories.

[Anonymous]

I'm starting this thread for the OP on another one who is wondering if her death would benefit her children more than her presence because it would wipe out her debt and leave some life insurance money for them. Please help her appreciate how what she gives to her children that is not replaceable by any amount of money.

OP, I'm sure you have your own stories. Here's one of mine.

I remember when I was a little girl going into my parents' bedroom while my dad was at work and organizing his sock drawer. Normally all the socks were just thrown in there, but I would match them up with their mates and carefully stack them into neat piles of dress socks and athletic socks. When he came home from work, I would grab his hand and pull him to the bedroom to show him what I'd done for him. He would make a big, effusive show of gratitude. "Oh honey! Look how wonderful my sock drawer looks. It's so neat and clean and now I can find everything so easily. No more hunting around for a matching sock. You must have worked so hard! Thank you!" I would nearly burst with pride and pleasure. I can't think of anything I've accomplished in life that ever made me feel so proud and appreciated as I did on those days.

From that, I learned to show appreciation for nice things that people do for me, how doing a favor for someone else can make me feel better than doing something for myself, how easy it can be to make someone else's life a little better, and how important it is to match the socks together as you fold your laundry. I also learned that there is nothing so powerful to a child as seeing that your mother or father is proud of you.

(When Nicole Kidman won an Oscar for her role in The Hours, she brought her mother to the ceremony as her date. In her acceptance speech, she very emotionally said how happy she was that she won because all she ever wanted to do was make her mother proud of her. I remember the look of shock on her mother's face when she said that, how she couldn't believe that Nicole would ever believe she wasn't proud of her. But even someone so accomplished and successful needed to see it from her mother herself.)

[Anonymous]

Laughter.
Me, my mother, and her mother laugh a lot.
We fuss a lot too...but usually end up in laughter.
Just last month, I spent an hour in the middle of the nite cleaning up vomit my DD spewed all over the bathroom.
I am now wide awake and decide to call my mom (a night owl).
We ended up 3-waying my grandmom and all watching Lifetime movie on the phone -- making fun of how corny it was and how my grandmom could not follow the plot line.
It was funny and fun for us...Priceless

[Anonymous]

My parents taught me that there was absolutely no room for intolerance, bigotry, or hatred in our family or in the way we comported ourselves in the world. It wasn't something they had to talk about explicitly very frequently; it was just the way they thought and behaved. They couldn't give me a lot financially, but this value that they shared with me has shaped how I live my life.

I also remember my mom telling me, "Every friend was once a stranger." I think about that all the time.

[Anonymous]

My dad taught me the value of eye contact and a firm handshake, and also the importance of honesty and being a good person. He treats every single waiter, bartender, cab driver, etc. like an old friend.

I got my mom's sensitivity, which has been both a good thing and a bad thing. I'm embarassed to say I've cried at work, at sappy commercials, at Love Actually every. single. time. I watch it. But she gave me an empathy for other people and for the human condition, which is confounding, confusing, sometimes terrible but more often beautiful.

[Anonymous]

My mom said to me, as I was stressing over what someone else had that I didn't, "There will always be people richer than you and poorer than you. There will always be people smarter than you and dumber than you. It's just not worth it to worry about it."

This is so very true and something I remember every time a bit of jealously begins to creep into my brain.

[Anonymous]

I grew up lower low middle class and didn't know it until I was in college. I really felt like I had everything I needed. Now that I'm "rich" it's amazing all the things my kids "need."

[Anonymous]

My parents taught me that we all had gifts that went way beyond looks. Brains, talent, etc. As I've watched so many of my friends over the years struggling with body image issues, eating disorders, etc., it's been a blessing that we didn't have to worry about that because we know it's not all about LOOKS or THINNESS.

Also, we all have good work ethics because they made us work for our allowances and spending money starting at an early age.

Last, my dad taught me to overcome shyness with strangers by "flexing out" of my shyness to feel comfortable in situations that scared me. (kind of "fake it till you make it.") I've since taught that lesson to others and will teach my own daughter.

[Anonymous]

This is an awesome thread. Thank you for being so thoughtful, OP.

My mom took me to the Bookmobile every week. She opene doors to other worlds, other perspectives, other opportunities I never would have encountered without books.

My dad did so much. He taught me a work ethic. He taught me that generosity was the best thing you could do with money beyond your needs. He taught me to root for the underdog.

[Anonymous]

My mother taught me to be frugal and to cook from scratch. These lessons have been invaluable throughout the years.

[Anonymous]

My parents filed for bankruptcy when I was coming up, we've been evicted, lived just above the poverty line.

I had such a fun, happy, loving childhood. I honestly never felt poor. My mom always had the most positive spin for every problem that I never realized there was really a problem. She turned me into a bookworm and rewarded me with every week with trips to the library. We went to swimming as family (including cousins and friends) all the time and my mom was always the biggest kid. She was never ashamed to make a fool of herself to make us laugh. She does the same thing with DC now.

The engine on my car went out this past weekend and I am proud to say that I have taken after my mother, because DC actually thinks that taking the Metro is a treat now. From her, I've learned the importance of attitude and perspective. Kids take alot of cues from their parents. If we're smiling and calm, it gives them security.

[Anonymous]

*excuse my friggin typos sheesh...I guess I didn't take after my mom's good grammar lol

[Anonymous]

So many things to chose from, but I think my parents showed my brothers and me how to be a good partner, how to have a good marriage. They always appreciated each other, put each other first, laughed together, and always picked their battles. My mom told me one day, I try to do at least one nice thing for your father every day, even on days I don't feel like it, and I could see that he did too - even if it's putting gas in the car, making dinner, putting clothes away, saying something nice. We grew up feeling very secure in their marriage and I'll never forget it. Today, my brothers and I are all happily married.

[Anonymous]

Curiousity about the world....the importance of laughing at oneself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Laughter.
Me, my mother, and her mother laugh a lot.
We fuss a lot too...but usually end up in laughter.
Just last month, I spent an hour in the middle of the nite cleaning up vomit my DD spewed all over the bathroom.
I am now wide awake and decide to call my mom (a night owl).
We ended up 3-waying my grandmom and all watching Lifetime movie on the phone -- making fun of how corny it was and how my grandmom could not follow the plot line.
It was funny and fun for us...Priceless

Sweet. This sounds like so much fun.