How to deal with a snake at work?

[Anonymous]

How do you deal with an evil person at work? Someone manipulative, who chooses victims, sets traps, grabs power, tricks people into thinking they're charming when they're really a bully, etc?

How does an honest, ethical, nice person handle this type of personality when they have no choice but to have many direct dealings with them?

[Anonymous]

Shoot, I was hoping this was going to be about an actual snake at your workplace.

Good luck though!

[Anonymous]

I am you, OP. But once there was a major passive-aggressive bitch at work, and the opportunity arose to passively call her on a recent behavior that was unacceptable. What I mean by passive is that I didn't set anything up to happen to expose her, which is probably what your "snake" does on a regular basis. Anyway, the boss was around and we were all talking about something not directly work-related, and I said something to the effect of, "oh (snake-lady's name here), like that time you were saying/doing yada yada."
I know that's not super clear, but maybe it gives you an idea. Anyway, it shut her up and left her babbling right there, made her look like the creature she truly is, and she never messed with me again. You have to get out of his or her crosshairs, and not appear to be a willing victim.

[Anonymous]

I'm having problems with a huge misogynist at work. I was brought in to clean up his shop that he nearly ran into the ground. They can't get rid of him so I have to work with him. He likes pointing out to everyone how young and attractive I am and how it s a huge shame I have to put my kid in day care instead of staying home with him.

I talked to the department head about him and she said she would handle it but it only made him even more passive aggressive. I hate going to work now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm having problems with a huge misogynist at work. I was brought in to clean up his shop that he nearly ran into the ground. They can't get rid of him so I have to work with him. He likes pointing out to everyone how young and attractive I am and how it s a huge shame I have to put my kid in day care instead of staying home with him.

I talked to the department head about him and she said she would handle it but it only made him even more passive aggressive. I hate going to work now.

Go to HR, this is harassment, and he knows it. He's trying to run you out of there. Document, and make sure others hear his remarks. I'm sure he's treated others like this and this is grounds for him to be fired!

[Anonymous]

For me, it's proven useful to learn that it's THEM, not me, separate myself mentally/emotionally from the bad behaviors, and then examine their behavior and motivations. Learning about childhood development issues has really opened up my understanding of "adult" behavior patterns. Once I "figure them out" they are easier to deal with - you can placate their fears, give them what they want, etc. and not trigger the bad behavior. I think this is called playing the game, but I will admit that I worry that I've been sucked into a sick game. I have the idea that many workplaces are similar to this in some degree, especially as you rise up. But maybe there are healthy ones too?

I have never found HR or anyone else to be useful in the game. Commiserating with colleagues doesn't work either. You should "check" the behavior with colleagues - to make sure you are not the only one seeing it.

[Anonymous]

I have a peer like this. He's been here for 20+ years and not going anywhere. He can be completely charming, and sucks up to all the right people. And he's brilliant at completely twisting things around on you, throwing you under the bus, basically making you look stupid. My department has to work with his on a big annual event and we all hate him. I've had staff quit because of him, tell HR, tell my boss, etc., and still nothing happens. I'm in a nonprofit, and it's pretty much impossible to get fired or even reprimanded for horrid behavior.

He verbally attacked me once--in front of our boss--and boss did nothing. I went to the head of the organization and told him what happened. He was appalled that my boss allowed it, but yet, still nothing happened. I told my boss if something like that ever happened again, I was going straight to HR to report workplace bullying/harassment. That seems to have helped, since he's toned down the nastiness, but I don't trust him at all and limit my interactions. Mostly, I keep all communication with him in writing so I have documentation of things he says. It helps, but I can't completely eliminate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Shoot, I was hoping this was going to be about an actual snake at your workplace.

Good luck though!

Me too! Remember that the best way to kill a snake is to cut its head off. That can be done figuratively too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you deal with an evil person at work? Someone manipulative, who chooses victims, sets traps, grabs power, tricks people into thinking they're charming when they're really a bully, etc?

How does an honest, ethical, nice person handle this type of personality when they have no choice but to have many direct dealings with them?

Sounds like Omarosa!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Shoot, I was hoping this was going to be about an actual snake at your workplace.

Good luck though!

Thought the same thing.

[Anonymous]

You need to be like honey badger and not give a fuck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have never found HR or anyone else to be useful in the game.

HR is utterly useless at almost everything. Huge scam.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never found HR or anyone else to be useful in the game.

HR is utterly useless at almost everything. Huge scam.

That's because HR is there to protect the employer and not the employed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never found HR or anyone else to be useful in the game.

HR is utterly useless at almost everything. Huge scam.

+10000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm having problems with a huge misogynist at work. I was brought in to clean up his shop that he nearly ran into the ground. They can't get rid of him so I have to work with him. He likes pointing out to everyone how young and attractive I am and how it s a huge shame I have to put my kid in day care instead of staying home with him.

I talked to the department head about him and she said she would handle it but it only made him even more passive aggressive. I hate going to work now.

There are a couple ways I have found to deal with people like this.
First, look at him with a blank stare. Silence is deafening! Then, turn to your co-workers and say, "So, to get BACK to the topic at hand...."

The second way is to look at him and say "Wow. That is completely inappropriate and quite frankly, none of your business. I would appreciate it if you would keep your child rearing suggestions to yourself."

It can be a little awkward to stand up for yourself the first time, but as long as you keep it appropraite and professional, it feels good!