School visit/playdate- What happens if my DD won't go in alone?

[Anonymous]

My DD is 3.5 yrs old. She just started preschool a few weeks ago and is just not getting used to going. My question is what happens when she won't want to go into a playdate session for entrance to a private pre-k next year? It takes her a while to warm up and I am really doubting that she will just waltz into one of these school playdates w/o no problems. Do other 3 yr olds just walk in w/ no problems? I think that would be not the norm unless maybe they had had a lot of contact w/other adults and kids in their lives (daycare, nannies, etc). Do the schools allow the moms or dads in the room if the child won't separate or do they just say forget it?

[Anonymous]

You will eventually be able to leave but the teachers and ADs will notice. They will tell you it's not about separation anxiety and to their credit, it's not. It's about a whole lot of things but if your child can't warm up then all that stuff never gets a chance to be evaluated and you will be waitlisted or rejected.

NCRC allows/requires parents to be in the room and they have a pre-k program.

You should call other schools you are interested in and feel out the ADs. Depending on your daughter's b-day they may counsel you to wait a year.

You should also ask how long the playvisits are. Sometimes a 90 minute playvisit isn't long enough for a child who is slow to warm up. Some schools have two hours or three hours and every bit can make a difference.

[Anonymous]

The playdate processes vary a lot from school to school. GDS as I remember really seemed to expect the kids to go right in by themselves. Lowell lets you stay in the room the whole time. I would suggest that based on your knowledge of your child that you plan to apply fairly broadly so that you are not counting on getting into one or two schools based on a great playdate. Then try to relax about it as much as you can so that your child doesn't get the nervous vibes from you.

[Anonymous]

DS was like your child at 3 and 3.5, and now he's completely different on his 5th birthday.

We decided just to wait, not to apply to many preKs when he was like that. The other piece of it was the WPPSI test, that we were quite sure he wouldn't waltz off with a stranger for an hour and really answer questions to the best of his ability, given his anxiety at 3.5.

And yes, some 3 yr olds do just run off with a complete stranger who has colorful toys during these playdates / WPPSI tests. That was another factor in our decision to wait for the K application year

[Anonymous]

If you worry about it, it will only increase your child's anxiety. She may not be ready for the application process, so you might want to wait until next year. or she might surprise you and waltz right in -- the schools do try to make it appealing. You may want to apply to one or two schools as a kind of test run, take the pressure off yourselves and consider it practice for next year. Or just wait. if she just started preschool, it really may be too much to ask of her.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the advice. I am not anxious about it but I know her and she isn't just going to walk into a place w/o me (despite having neat toys). I don't think waiting a year will help either but I think that is what we will do.

[Anonymous]

If you were planning to apply to the more traditional schools like Sidwell and Beauvoir then yes, you might want to wait. If not, then you should look at Lowell and NCRC.

[Anonymous]

Can anyone tell me what the playdate process is like at Beauvoir? Is there time for your child to "warm up" before you are expected to leave?

[Anonymous]

Yes, you can hang out with your child for a little while--try to get there early to have more time.

[Anonymous]

The kids who are slow to warm up are at a disavdantage at the play visits. Since many of the visits are fairly short at the PreK/K age group, there isn't a lot of time for them to get comfortable and show their true selves. Waiting a year is a tough choice to make because many schools have more non-sibling openings at PreK so your chances are better that year. If you do decide to apply be sure to apply early so you don't end up with play visits all in one week. We ended up with 2 in one week (only applied to 3) and the second one was not as good as the first.

[Anonymous]

Your child won't be the first to balk, so STAY CALM and roll with it. The calmer you are the calmer DC will be and the less likely the school AD is to label your child "unready" which is an application killer. Just make it clear to the AD when you schedule your visit that your child is usually slow to warm up (i.e., s/he likes to quietly observe first), say its his/her personality, but once they are comfortable they are very confident and involved and make sure your preschool teacher recs reflect this (ask them to). Also, ask if you can come 1/2 hour early perhaps to get DC warmer and more comfortable.

[Anonymous]

if you can, take her by the school in advance, saying "this is the place we're going to visit." Not a big dry run, just a look at it, if you can. And/or, if possible, drop her off somewhere (a friend's place), so she's used to the idea, and see you're going to come back.