Gifts for Birthday Parties

[Anonymous]

This weekend, we had two back to back birthday parties for kids turning 4 and I simply did not have time to pick up gifts. THis was all very stressful to me because there is alot of emphasis on being on time for parties these days - I was torn about not going at all...or going empty handed...or detouring and getting a gift but being very late. I decided to attend the party empty handed - hoping that of course the family would value our presence more than a present. What do you think? For the record....not close friends of ours but classmates of my son and overall nice people. Do I now owe them a gift? Should I have mentioned it?

To be honest, my DS goes to a small private school of kids who certainly are not in the "need" category but the "want" category. All of my last 3 parties have been "no present" parties. I do not want parents spending one minute deciding on a gift for my child. I want my son to understnad and appreciate that the presence of your friends in the celebration of your birth is a gift. My son is an only child and recieves gifts year round from family and friends. Maybe sub consciously I did not believe in getting the gifts for the parties. It just seems so shallow to me at such a young age. Not to mention there are parties almost every weekend. Doesnt all of the "stuff" just become overkill after awhile? 18 - 20 kids at a party and each kid bringing a gift...not to mention parents, grandparents, friends, etc.

My mother has suggested I buy a pool of age appropriate gifts to have on hand. I appreciate any feedback. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

We do "no gift" parties, but I don't begrudge families that choose otherwise, even though I agree with you that all the gifts would fall into the "want" category...I'm with your mom on getting a bunch of gifts for the gift closet and always bing ready. There are so many nice things you can get for under $15. I usually keep three gender-neutral gifts on hand (puzzles, art supplies, a nice book or two).

[Anonymous]

Also agree with PP about keeping a gift stash. And yes, I do think you now should bring over presents to the kids who had the parties over the weekend; that's just birthday party etiquette. I probably would have said something like, "Oh, I am so sorry, I accidentally left junior's present at home by mistake, but I'll be sure to drop it off later."

[Anonymous]

As kids get older and become better friends with their classmates, they might like to buy something for a party simply for the excitement of picking out and wrapping a present. I would usually let my kids go to the dollar store when they were younger and buy one item. They then wrapped it themselves and made a card. The pressure was off in that the adults could easily see that this was truly a kid-inspired gift, my kids were proud to have producedsomethin so grown up, and th birthday kids loved their presents.

As they got older (8 and 9) this ritual fell by the wayside (less parties to go to) but I definitely plan to pick it up again with my two year old.

[Anonymous]

If I were the mom of the birthday child, I would think it's weird that you didn't bring a present, but I would prefer that you just let it go and not drop something off later. Like others, I keep a stash of presents. But, honestly, I have never not had time to run out to Target or the drugstore to pick something up. Afterall, you ususally have a few weeks notice of parties.

[Anonymous]

I cringe to think of my 3 year old getting 20 plus birthday presents. What are we teaching our kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cringe to think of my 3 year old getting 20 plus birthday presents. What are we teaching our kids?

Personally, I love giving gifts. (Don't mind receiving them either, LOL.) A well-thought-out gift is a great way of showing someone that you really know them and value them. (And by "well-thought-out" I don't mean showiness or cost--it is selecting a gift that will please the recipient.) IMHO, we are teaching our kids to be giving to and thoughtful of others when they select and give gifts. We are also teaching them to be gracious and grateful on the receiving end, and to have good manners in terms of writing thank-you notes, etc. Others may cringe at the thought of twenty gifts--to me, it is a great moment to say, "Isn't it lovely that you have so many friends who wanted to come celebrate with you!"

I agree with the desire to curb excess, but I prefer to do that by weeding through toys, etc., at various times and giving them to charity, rather than by prohibiting gift-giving.

[Anonymous]

I have never not had time to run out to Target or the drugstore to pick something up. Afterall, you ususally have a few weeks notice of parties.

wow. kudo's to you, PP. Of course parties come with a few weeks notice and it only takes a bit of time to swing by and pick something up. But surely most of us have had weeks where we plan to run out at lunch for several days in a row and things just come up or it slips our mind. Applause for those far more organized than me that have never found themselves in this predicament.

[Anonymous]

OP Here....and a special thanks to the PP...who voiced my exact thoughts on the time management piece of this.

[Anonymous]

OP, your post makes it sound like you are projecting your birthday gift stance on others. Yes, kids these days, in this metro area, get way too much junk that they don't need. I personally wouldn't mind someone not bringing a gift, but there are other things, like a hand-made card, or a book (can't have too many books!) or even a charitable donation in the child's name. One thing that I like about birthday parties is that it teaches my DD to give, for a change!