WWYD - Playdate Shows up With Pinkeye

[Anonymous]

The mother of DD's friend drives to our house to take DD to a playdate at their place. DD's friend is in the car and has pinkeye! I ask the friend's mom about it, and she says that it's no big deal. All kids get pinkeye, and anyway, it's probably not even pinkeye. I reluctantly let DD get in the car and drive to her friend's house.

I am now kicking myself. What would you have done?

AT the time, I felt it would have been rude to pull DD away. The friend's mom drove 15 minutes to come pick up DD as a favor. And no one wants their kid to be treated like a pariah, sick or not. But on the other hand, I feel I should have put DD's needs first. I feel like a shit mom. I've always had a hard time standing up for myself, and I never thought that would extend to my baby.

[Anonymous]

If she is on the eye drops, pink eye is not contagious after 24 hours. This is what our ped told us. Although if the child still has active eye goup, then that is NOT good.

[Anonymous]

I would have been like - my DD is super prone to pink eye - she's had it twice in the last 6 months. lets reschedule. toodles.

[Anonymous]

I'd have said, "Yeah, I wish you'd have told me before getting in the car and driving here. We'll have to reschedule after your DD's eye has cleared up."

BTW, I never got pink eye as a kid. At all. Ever.

[Anonymous]

What's done is done. Just make sure she thoroughly cleans her hands when she gets home. You can also tell the mom that an illness like pinkeye would really make things difficult for your family so next time, cancel the playdate if her child is ill. And you will do the same.

[Anonymous]

Pink eye is going around like crazy right now at my DD's school. It's inevitable and not really a big deal.

Honestly, I would take the time away without a kid and have the drops stocked in the cabinet.

You could have made a big deal about it and rescheduled then next time you're at the grocery store, your kid will get it from touching the cart. Just move on with your life. It's pink eye.

[Anonymous]

OP-- I'm so sorry that mother put you in that position! I am also non-confrontational and always worry about others feelings. I think all you can do at this point, beyond hoping your DD doesn't catch pinkeye, is think "I learned a lesson," which is what I try to tell myself when I'm feeling crappy in these kinds of situations. You learned a lesson about that mom, and you also made a mistake that you likely won't make again, because you feel so crappy. Give yourself a break-- that mom put you in a terrible situation by driving to your house. I had a similar situation where a mom showed up at my house for a playdate, sent her kids in while getting stuff out of the car, and I could immediately see both were actively quite sick-- coughing, hoarse voices, lots of mucus. I didn't send them away. But I didn't enjoy the playdate, either, and haven't invited her since.

[Anonymous]

My eyes often just get red/irritated from allergies, an eyelash etc. If she had pinkeye she'd probably know it and would need to be treated. I often worry/think I do, but then never do. That chance is probably 10% here. You may have wanted to just warn your child to wash hands and not touch her own eye which would spread anything. I really think the girl is not likely to have anything.

[Anonymous]

I'm assuming that since mom said "maybe it's not pinkeye" she hadn't been to the doc and her kid wasn't on the eyedrops.

I think I would have said "sorry, but we just can't afford to get pinkeye." If my dd gets pinkeye she can't go to daycare and I stay out with her (none of our backups want to deal with pinkeye). If I get it, I can't go to work-one of my co-workers was just out with it.

Totally understand not wanting to be rude or inconvenience another parent, but unless you want to spend a couple days trapped in your house with itchy eyes, you have to say no.

[Anonymous]

I would have said no thank you because DS (2) is a magnet for pink eye, we have had it about 4 times in the past 6 months. I"m sick of fighting with him to get the drops in. Wouldn't risk it.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you.

I think what threw me off was that the other mom insisted it wasn't pink eye. In retrospect, I'm 100% positive it was pinkeye. It followed a cold, eyes were very red, drippy, friend was cranky, etc.

Can anyone offer specific dialog advice? ""sorry, but we just can't afford to get pinkeye." from a PP is very useful, but what do I say when friend's mom says "it's not pinkeye. i know this because [insert nonsensical reasons]."

Also, I really do feel bad about inconveniencing the other mom, so I don't want to sound flip. ""Yeah, I wish you'd have told me before getting in the car and driving here. We'll have to reschedule after your DD's eye has cleared up." And this sounds kinda flip to me.

I'm not used to this kind of thing, and it makes me cringe. 12:49, thank you. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one.

[Anonymous]

Personally don't really think it's a big deal. It's just pink eye.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure what I would have said..., "Gosh, I hate to disappoint the girls, but this isn't going to work." Something along those lines.

For the record, DS recently started showing signs of pink eye while we had friends over. Literally, we were watching his eyes fill up with goop out of nowhere. They washed their hands and left, and I was definitely not offended. When I saw the goop start, I pointed it out so they could decide what to do!

[Anonymous]

Your daughter is likely playing with this same girl at school. or other kids with runny eyes after a cold. You took a quick glance into a car and diagnosed her daughter?

[Anonymous]

I think tone will be very important in your response, not angry but regretful. When she says "it probably isn't even pinkeye," you say "yeah, you never know with these things, but I have a couple important events/meetings/responsibilities later this week and I just can't risk it. I'm so sorry you came all the way out here."

And if it's a condition that would definitely exclude a child from school or daycare (fever, vomiting, pinkeye), I would not feel bad about saying something. The other mom should have told you what was going on in advance and let you make the call.