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Overly Analytical Preschool?
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Anonymous
| Ok so we started DD in preschool 2 mornings a week at 18 months basically to have fun and secure a spot for next year because we were told preschool admissions are pretty cutthroat around here. The school - on paper - is all about the individual child, learning through play, and its laid back attitude. Yet within 2 weeks, we've been alerted of several "concerns" that apparently warrant evaluation, diagnosis and treatment by experts. These "concerns" include not sitting for an extended period of time at a toy or project, sometimes not paying attention when given direction, etc. I will repeat that we're talking about an 18 month old child here. Is this typical of preschools at this age or did we somehow stumble into some kind of preschool freakshow? All I wanted was kind of a slightly structured playgroup where DD could feel comfortable and have a good time, which she appears to be doing just fine. |
Anonymous
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Wacky.
That place would be WAY too intense for our family's style. Why in the heck should an 18mos old be required to sit for a period of time anyways? |
Anonymous
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Sounds like the preschool our son attended until kindergarten! Our son was looked at much the same way - not sitting still, paying attention, participating. We did have him evaluated and he was fine. He's been fine in kindergarten.
I will say the teachers at the preschool were all wonderful but they all had this tendency to look to complicated hypotheses/potential diagnoses, rather than more basic issues (shyness, relative age vs. expectations etc) |
Anonymous
| It would be interesting if you agreed to have your child evaluated(and as a caregiver for 20 years, your son sounds like an absolutely normal 1 1/2 year old-I'd be a lot more concerned if he sat still for 30 seconds unless he's asleep) and they recommend someone associated with the school or who has some liason with the school to conduct the evaluation and and subsequently offer therapy, if that is the right word-I don't think people realize this happens at some preschools. |
Anonymous
| Agreed with PP...my son's preschool is quick to judge. One kid in his class was deemed to have a "hearing" problem when he didn't follow directions. Parents had evaluation, kid was fine. My child started this year as one of the younger in room and is very shy at first in new situations. Three weeks in, I hear that the language skills are not up to par. That my child didn't speak in sentences much. Well at home he was using complex sentences. I told them it was due to the fact he was adjusting to having 20 kids in the room instead of his previous family care setting. Trust your gut as a mom! |
Anonymous
| Just curious - is this a mixed age group or a group of all 18 month - 24 month olds? Are all children 18 months of age sitting down, taking direction, and focusing on one thing for an extended period of time? I find that hard to believe. |
Anonymous
The kids range from 18 months to 22 months. And I was told my child was the only one who wasn't sitting down, taking direction, etc. Which I also find hard to believe whether 18 months or 22 months. |
Anonymous
Generally they do all sit down and take direction for the most part. I actually am in a pre-school co-op, so I work there 2xs a month (and also like to hang around, b/c I think its fun  However there are always a few straggles, who simply want to do something else. We encourage them to join the group, but sometimes they don't want to. And as everyone know, there is no forcing of a small toddler to do anything. Your child's behavior does not sound abnormal. Especially if this is a new environment for them, they just might be distracted by all of the fun and new things.
My first child went to daycare when he was 2yrs old. He was an early talker and was speaking in very robust sentences at that point in time. He was a chatter box. A few weeks into daycare they pulled me aside "concerned" that my son was not talking yet, saying he should be evaluated for early intervention. I almost buckled over in hysterical laughter. The daycare was clueless and obviously doing something wrong that after a few weeks, he still had not adjusted as he should have. He was very shy and very scared and would not say one single word the entire time at daycare. It turned out to be the wrong daycare for him and we switched and he opened up to the new people just about right away. Don't pay attention. You are the mom. You know your child best. Don't let them label him. |
Anonymous
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Well, it could be the school or the child. Sometimes schools jump the gun. But sometimes parents are in denial about developmental problems. Honestly, no one on this board is going to know the answer because it could be either case.
I think the best thing is to have the child evaluated by a professional because you are better off either way. If it is nothing, you can relax and all you have done is go to a few extra appointments. If it is something, you can intervene at an early age, which really improves outcomes for certain problems. |
Anonymous
| Can you go and observe - preferably without giving any advance warning? That could help you figure out what is really going on. |
Anonymous
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I'm not saying that the preschool is right, but I do have speak up for teachers who do notice that there is a problem with a child and the parents tend to brush off the concerns out of hand. Granted, the age of your child and this scenario makes it sound dubious.
But, another way of looking at it is, what do the teachers have to gain from bringing up these concerns to you? If your child is markedly different in behavior than his peers, aren't they doing you a service letting you know about it? That would be there job. I would try to get as many details as possible from the teachers (concrete examples) and try to observe the class, and your child, in action. Even better, if the teachers have a video camera to record what they are talking about---since you being there may change the behavior. Perhaps its just a transition issue with your child getting used to this new school and program. The teachers could even give you ideas to try at home to help your child adjust. You also say your idea with the pre-school was that it was an organized playgroup, but do the teachers have that same idea? Could be a problem with different expectations. Again, I'm not saying the teachers are 100% right here. But, from the teachers in my family and their experiences, often parents will discount problems for years before finally agreeing to testing or confronting the issue. And, honestly, if you don't trust a school or the teachers and their expertise, then is it really the right place to send your child? |
Anonymous
OP here. Thanks everyone for your comments! And FWIW, I haven't - and wouldn't ever - brush off any comments by anyone who interacts with my child! I come from a family of teachers too and have nothing but respect for the profession generally. Also FWIW, the early education teachers in my family and circle of friends are similarly puzzled by this. I did ask for examples, and some of the ones given aren't the case - they just appeared to be that way in the couple of hours at the beginning, etc. So I think it might just be them jumping the gun to make sure we all know they are on top of things? I'm not sure anymore if this is the right place to send my child. I trust them in terms of safety and emotional well-being, but not sure about their eagerness to try and identify and diagnose issues in such a short period of time with such young kids. That's what we're discussing now at home. |
Anonymous
because their not babysitters. It's school, so the teachers start teaching things like learning to listen to their direction. That's what they do. It's not all free play. |
Anonymous
| I heard some equally odd things from my middle child's preschool. Honestly, what I did was seriously consider what they told me to be sure I wasn't burying my head about a real problem. And, then for those issues that I thought were just absurd, I would tell them that I talked to my ped about their concerns and the ped is not recommending that we do anything right now. |
Anonymous
| I think if you trust your pediatrician, that is a good direction! |