Coming to realization that I have a B/C student

[Anonymous]

DD has gone from mostly A's (maybe 1 B) in MS to no 1 A and rest B's and C's in HS. She is just not motivated to work hard and I'm tired of being frustrated. So, I figured I just have to accept that this is the new norm. Now, I will NEVER say that to her and will keep "pushing" for A's, because she is capable, but I'm tired of crying over it and getting frustrated. I found an old article about good colleges for B/C students and thought I would share. I know this board is full of parents wanting their child to go Ivy or a top 10, but it's has been making me crazy thinking about it. I don't feel like I'm really giving up, but just looking at plan B.

http://thechoice.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/09/25/nacac-b-c/

[Anonymous]

If she is not motivated to work hard then maybe a gap year or community college would be better than spending 30,000 to 50,000 dollars for tuition, room and board at a very low Tier college. Are you willing to pay for her to go to any college?

[Anonymous]

Its one thing if you think she is only capable of B's and C's, but if you think she is capable of A's why aren't you pushing her more or looking into solutions for the motivation problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she is not motivated to work hard then maybe a gap year or community college would be better than spending 30,000 to 50,000 dollars for tuition, room and board at a very low Tier college. Are you willing to pay for her to go to any college?

Have to agree-until they are willing to work hard, why pay all that money. Maybe working and going to community college is a better option. She could always transfer later.

[Anonymous]

Some kids are late bloomers. Don't give up on her and don't let her give up on herself.

[Anonymous]

I was your DD in MS and HS. I was not motivated until my college years when I graduated with honors majoring in biochemistry and chemistry, minoring in biology. Admittedly, one of the driving forces toward high academic achievement was the fact that my parents forced me to pay for my first year of college. They wanted me to prove to them that I would not 'waste' their money on poor effort. My freshman year I earned a 4.0 and continued to do so every semester. My parents happily paid for the rest of my college tuition/board. I even earned a couple of departmental merit scholarships along the way to help offset cost.

[Anonymous]

When you say she used to get better grades and now is not motivated I would make sure she doesn't have depression or a substance abuse problem. A drop in grades is a red flag for both these issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its one thing if you think she is only capable of B's and C's, but if you think she is capable of A's why aren't you pushing her more or looking into solutions for the motivation problem.

Because at some point our children need to do things for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Maybe not a self starter but look at other things, friends, drugs, drinking, struggling with sexuality etc

[Anonymous]

I know some really bright kids who were slackers in high school and were horrified by their college acceptances. Some kids end up going to a second tier school, they then get all A's (which they were capable of all along) and transfer to top schools for sophomore year.

[Anonymous]

^^^check out the acceptance rates for transfer students. Much less competitive than acceptance for first year.

[Anonymous]

^^^sorry I keep having additional thoughts. Check out Hobart and William Smith College and Lewis and Clark College.

[Anonymous]

Life isn't all about marks and college acceptance. many B/C students go on to be very successful in life and not everyone defines success as a prestigious job/career/high salary. She is almost an adult, you can guide her and support her, give her your opinion, state your 'while you are living in this house' expectations but you can't make her decision for her or keep her from making mistakes.

What does she want to do in life? Does she have an idea? It is hard at that age to figure out the rest of your life.

[Anonymous]

I never tried that hard in high school since I didn't have to and was mostly B student. Went to a college that allowed me to major in something I was passionate about and did wonderfully and have a sucessful career thus far. I am not rich and never will be but I do what I love and am good at it. I am glad life wasn't based on my grades in high school.

[Anonymous]

OP, what grade is your child in? One of my kids was a B/C student in 9th grade and is now at an Ivy. He turned it around in response to encouragement from teachers and us. We held him to high standards and didn't give up on him. The result: he has a strong work ethic and he knows he can bounce back from disappointments. In the long term, that's worth way more than the grades.