mom wants to leave more $ to me than to my brother

[Anonymous]

All the threads on inheritance, etc, has raised this. Recently, my mom told me that she doesn't know what to do with her will which is currently structured 50/50 between myself and my brother. She wants to give me more because I have 2 kids and a lower HHI than my brother, who has no kids and a healthy HHI (his wife is in finance) I understand that she wants to leave the $ for the kids and that she feels we could use it more, but at the same time I do not want this to be an issue between myself and my brother. We get along well and never have fought about stuff, but death of parents can do strange things.

I told my mom it would be better to be 50/50, particularly if my brother did have kids one day (possible--he is in his mid 40s, his wife is late 30s, she has had some eating disorders and is not yet ready to think about kids). But she is hung ho about doing something else. Maybe she can set up a trust divided equally between her grandchildren when they attain the age of majority--so if my brother has kids he's be covered?

would love to know if anyone else has experienced this, or any creative solutions.

[Anonymous]

When in doubt always do it equally. Either between adults or grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Haha my dad left everything to me and told me I had to tell my brother when the time comes.

Has she mentioned this to your brother?

[Anonymous]

What our family did was say that 70% was to be divided 50/50 between the two children. The other 30% was to be divided equally between all living grandchildren and given to them when they turn 18.

[Anonymous]

My 2 kids are annoyed that I am leaving them each 1/3 of my estate and 1/3 to my whacko charities and causes!

[Anonymous]

It is her money/assets. She ca do asshe wishes. My parent did and it was not equally divided...it was my parents' decision, not mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What our family did was say that 70% was to be divided 50/50 between the two children. The other 30% was to be divided equally between all living grandchildren and given to them when they turn 18.

I think this is a great approach.

[Anonymous]

If your mother is sure that she has enough for her lifetime, she can start gifting to the grandchildren now. A 529 can be funded with 5 yrs of gift exclusion, currently $14k x 5 = $70k. That's a nice start towards college.

Resentments build up in odd ways if the will is anything but 50/50.

[Anonymous]

Your bro may not mind so much but his wife will resent that
She and her family "are being punished for being successful"

I agree that it is your mom's right and choice but truthfully,
She is setting you up for turbulence with your brigand his resentful family.

[Anonymous]

I agree with your sentiment but I don't agree that this is your business. It's your mom's money and it's not your place to urge or pressure her to do anything other than what SHE feels is right. (Assuming it's not illegal or totally off the rails insane, which this is not.)

[Anonymous]

My dad has three kids - it's going 30/30/30 to each of us and 10 to charity.

[Anonymous]

Whatever she decides, SHE should discuss this with your brother. There should be absolutely NO suprises. This should be clear, her intentions and rationale explicit, and her independence and autonomy in the decision conveyed.

[Anonymous]

If you aren't an asshole I would make sure its 50/50 regardless of how much your mom gives. Money can ruin your family relationships.

[Anonymous]

It depends on whether you want to have a relationship with your brother after your mother is gone. She has set you up for big resentment. If she wants to give money to the grandkids she should do that -- not leave you in the middle. Thanks Mom!

[Anonymous]

My mom asked me if my DH, a lawyer, would draw up the papers to give my siblings more of her estate. The perfect insult.