Compassion???

[Anonymous]

Too many times I read where a person wants some compassion from this board and they get more responses of how my situation is worse than yours and you should be happy. Don't we post on these boards because we are missing something from those in our lives who don't understand. There is always someone in a worse situation. I am not speaking about the oblivious trolls who have no life, I am talking about the people who respond with the "So you have secondary infertility at least you had one", type of attitude.

It is hard for alot of people to understand the anguish of not being able to have what so many take as a natural body function. It is hard to face that for years you put in effort to prevent something from naturally happening before you were ready only for it to not to work when you want it. It is hard to hear your friends tell you "just relax" and it will happen when you are so freaking relaxed it consumes your life and the idea of having sex is now a calculated job of dates.

There is always someone in a worse situation, but that does not mean I can't hurt or mourn for my situation!

[Anonymous]

I agree.

[Anonymous]

I absolutely agree, OP. And I'm sorry if you posted and got negative and dismissive responses. The other thing that absolutely KILLS me is when people post looking for inspiration / positive stories and some insensitive poster lists all of the failures and disappointments they've endured - it's like they haven't read the OP's posts and/or can't help but bring other people down because of their bad experiences.

Anyways, you're not alone in your frustration with the lack of compassion, negativity, and almost competitive martyrdom on this forum.

[Anonymous]

I completely agree.

[Anonymous]

ITA! I'm sorry you're experiencing infertility, OP. I didn't know about DCUM back when I was experiencing the worst of my infertility journey, but I found more support from the forums on Fertility Friend (more for the early stages) and then IVF Connections. Especially IVFC when I was going through IVF. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I agree, OP. This is a dangerous place for any real support. There are some lovely people offering compassion, but typically, one has to filter out people either not getting it, or just being downright mean. I'd go to those other boards, too.

[Anonymous]

OP here- Thank you so much to those offering my compassion but please share it across the board. My original rant was after reading the poor woman who has two children through IVF asking about unexplained infertility was getting bashed for asking about her problem because she has two children.

Spread the support.

[jindc]

Agree, but I think the ability to post anonymously encourages some poor behavior. I've found helpful info here. I think the IVF boards on forums.fertilitycommunity.com/vitro-fertilization-ivf/ are great for support if you're looking for it. There are "cycle buddies" and also great info.

[Anonymous]

Let's face it--even the chronically infertile and childless among us are EXCEEDINGLY more fortunate then the 0.001% who get terminal colon cancer or melanoma or breast cancer in their 30's. Point being, suffering is not a competition.

[Anonymous]

I think places like fertilethoughts and fertilitycommunity are very good forums b/c they offer a variety of boards and separate out issues accordingly. People are very considerate on there, especially when discussing losses and success. I find that DCUM is too lumped together - there is no heads-up if you are about to read a post about a success or loss.

I see both sides of posters' views. I also see that there are people out there in real pain and they need to be able to express that just as easily as the OP with 2 ivf successes. Goes back to my comment above - DCUM is too lumped together and wold benefit from a different format like on other forums.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's face it--even the chronically infertile and childless among us are EXCEEDINGLY more fortunate then the 0.001% who get terminal colon cancer or melanoma or breast cancer in their 30's. Point being, suffering is not a competition.

Yes, but telling infertile women to suck it up because, hey, they don't have cancer isn't compassionate either.

[Anonymous]

AMEN!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's face it--even the chronically infertile and childless among us are EXCEEDINGLY more fortunate then the 0.001% who get terminal colon cancer or melanoma or breast cancer in their 30's. Point being, suffering is not a competition.

Yes, but telling infertile women to suck it up because, hey, they don't have cancer isn't compassionate either.

No, of course not. But when they begin the downward spiral of a thread with their inability to show compassion for another, what do they expect? People here are going to call them on that, every single time. So they should just stop. That is what this PSA is about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think places like fertilethoughts and fertilitycommunity are very good forums b/c they offer a variety of boards and separate out issues accordingly. People are very considerate on there, especially when discussing losses and success. I find that DCUM is too lumped together - there is no heads-up if you are about to read a post about a success or loss.

I see both sides of posters' views. I also see that there are people out there in real pain and they need to be able to express that just as easily as the OP with 2 ivf successes. Goes back to my comment above - DCUM is too lumped together and wold benefit from a different format like on other forums.

You know what? We are adults. If you read a post that doesn't pertain to your situation, you can close it and move on. You are not obligated to throw poo at the OP because you feel that your situation is worse and therefore more deserving of compassion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's face it--even the chronically infertile and childless among us are EXCEEDINGLY more fortunate then the 0.001% who get terminal colon cancer or melanoma or breast cancer in their 30's. Point being, suffering is not a competition.

Yes, but telling infertile women to suck it up because, hey, they don't have cancer isn't compassionate either.

No, of course not. But when they begin the downward spiral of a thread with their inability to show compassion for another, what do they expect? People here are going to call them on that, every single time. So they should just stop. That is what this PSA is about.

Maybe we're in agreement, but your initial post seemed to emphasize the same "competitive suffering" response that I see on this forum - and really shows a lack of empathy.