In-law apartments
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Anonymous
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Hi all-
We will be starting the first-time homebuyer process within the next 6 months. Can anyone tell me their experiences with an in-law apartment? Without getting too much into detail, both DH and I assume our MIL will need to move in with us in 5-10 years. Actually living with us (in the same home) is not an option (I just can't), but we aren't rich and can't afford an entirely separate home/apartment for her. I am thinking our only option is finding a home with an in-law apartment. I am thinking that if we purchase a home with this "in law" apartment, we could potentially rent it out for 5-10 years until she needs to move in. Is this possible? I just picture an in-law apartment being an extension from the home, or even a finished basement with a separate entrance, both scenarios create this too-intimate picture for me, and I don't know that I could be comfortable with renters that close to us. Basically, I would love to make this work for us if it's in our future anyways. I think I am just seeking encouragement, stories, example of how this has worked for any families. Thank you. |
Anonymous
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HI OP,
My parents added an in-law apt to our house when I was 5 so my maternal grandmother could move in. She had a separate entrance on the deck, a side door she could use that went into the hallway by my room, bathroom, kitchen, living room, and bedroom area. I guess it was a bit of a studio lay out. First, it really only works if both parents really like the person moving in. My grandmother thought of my dad as her son, and my dad loved my grandmother. He watched Red Sox games with her, went in every night to spend time with her, etc. Even though my grandmother had an in law apt, she joined us for dinner every night, and while she was still able, we had dinner in there (that she cooked) once a week. Her door was pretty much open all day so she could hear the sounds of my brother and I playing, and so people could come in and out to visit. All of my brother and my friends called my grandmother by the name we called her (Grandmere) because we were always in there saying hi and talking to her. Honestly, having my grandmother be in the same house as me as an amazing experience growing up, and I'm so fortunate to have the relationship I had with her. It was only possible because she lived with us. My grandmother passed away about 7 years ago. My uncle (mom's brother) now lives in the in-law apt while he goes through a divorce. |
Anonymous
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We have an in-law/au pair suite in our home, which was there when we moved in (I posted earlier about whether we should get rid of it). The prior owners rented it out, and others on our row rent their basement suites out.
Personally, I would find the noise downstairs (as a tenant) to be unbearable. You hear every floor creak, conversation, etc. Likewise, as the upstairs landlord, I'm sure I would hear my tenant too. My SIL lived in a basement apartment for a while, and hated it because of the noise. However, there is obviously a market for them. A separate entrance would help with the privacy issue. Also, the downstairs was configured in a way that the family and the tenant could both access the laundry room without crossing into the other person's space. |
Anonymous
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OP here. Thank you guys. I definitely wouldn't want to be able to hear her conversations- and wouldn't want her to hear ours. We aren't secretive or even that private, I just can't envision us having as close of a relationship as PP did.
Are all in-law apartments in the basement by definition? |
Anonymous
| I think some are built above the garage. |
Anonymous
| We rent out ours in the basement. We never hear our tenant, if he finds us noisy, he never complains. |
Anonymous
OP, we have seen houses with this and have deliberately NOT bought them, truth be told. Do you know for sure this is the set up you want? Are they agreeable, possibly helpful (or at least not hurtful!) relatives who take an in interest in your family, yet have good boundaries, and truly have some relevant interests of their own? You don't want the bitter ones  So many questions.
In our case, we were open to the aforementioned relatives but were not open to the opposite! Ideally, the set up would be over the garage, is what I am thinking... |
Anonymous
| Over the garage could be an issue due to stairs for an elderly person. |
Anonymous
Same with basement apartments. |
Anonymous
| ^^ Yes, but some basements are walk-out basements with separate entrances at grade. I've never seen an over-the-garage living space that didn't require steps to get to. |
Anonymous
No. I have friends who built an addition to the back of their house. In their dining room, they had glass patio doors that went out onto a back patio. They removed the patio and built an addition onto the back. On the other side of the patio doors was the grandmother's sitting/living room. On the opposite wall (i.e. furthest from the existing house) were two doors, one went into her bedroom and one went into her bathroom. As you were facing her apartment from the dining room, on the right was a small galley kitchen and on the left was the extra wide exterior door that went out to a sidewalk that went around the house to the front driveway. When they built this, they were moving her out of her apartment because of mobility issues (she was in a wheelchair) and she needed handicapped access to her apartment. Additionally, they rebuilt the frame of the patio door to be flat so that she could wheel into the dining room to come into the main floor of the house if necessary. This was a split level house. I'm also seen in-law suites added to ranch houses, usually in the back. One house had master bedroom on one side, living space in the middle and additional bedrooms off a hallway on the opposite side. They built the in-law suite behind the living space. That way, all living space was central to all of the sleeping/private spaces, but all sleeping/private spaces were somewhat private from each other. If you wanted privacy you didn't do it in the central living space. |
Anonymous
| Where are you looking OP? MD or VA? |
Anonymous
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Taking in an elderly family member in a costly area like DC is tough to make work economically. We looked into it too and to have an extra unit added several $100k's that we just didn't have. And then knowing it rented out for $2k a month made the opportunity cost added up.
We had to sit down with all our siblings and come up with real solutions, that were fair to all. Try to avoid costly areas when housing elderly parents!! |
Anonymous
| OP here. I am in southeastern Massachusetts. Thank you all! |