second time around- don't know if I have the mental power to do this...

[Anonymous]

After 3 miscarriages, an ectopic pregnancy (with associated miscarriage and tubal loss) and 4 IUIs (via SGF), I am lucky enough to say I am the 40 yo mom of a healthy 17 mo old. Have been TTC naturally for the past 7 months- peeing on a stick, temperature charting and crossing fingers, toes and earlobes. No go. This month has been particularly rough-- I thought I actually thought I caught my ovulation perfectly and DH and I had sex to the point of hating it and each other. AF showed up this morning. I am defeated and so depressed about potentially having to go back to the drugs and the shots and everything else that fertility treatments involve. DH and I are in a huge debate- he says we were lucky enough to have one (which I agree) and we should just move forward. As a child with siblings that I am very close to, I know the benefits to having someone else in this world who knows, understands and accepts you and your history better than anyone else ever will and will always have your back. I am torn on what to do. I (and my eggs) am older now and I know what treatments will entail (I react badly to the drugs, I have an aggressive career and know the time needed for blood draws and checks and all the other baggage that goes with this). Please, someone talk me up (or down) on this.

PS. I hope this is not seen as insensitive on this board- I know the struggle of infertility and feel incredibly lucky that we have a happy and healthy child already. I also know what I (and many on this board) face going forward and I send best wishes to us all in our quest for the family of which we dream- whether it is one, two or more children...

[Anonymous]

I don't think there is any right answer here for you. It really depends on whether or not you will regret not seeking fertility treatment. Also, how supportive will your husband be if he's happy with one?

I think that I would at least go in for the baseline testing because that might give you a better sense of your chances.
If your numbers don't look good, you might feel more at peace with moving on. If they are decent maybe you'll decide to get more aggressive.

I wish you peace in whatever you decide.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am sorry. This just sucks. You have been trying for 7 months and I would say it's time for the RE, since you needed it last time and based on your age. Get the testing done and see what it comes back with. I know how rough it is when you have so much hope for a cycle that doesn't work, but think about all the work you put in to have your 17 month old and how worth it it was. Just my 2 cents. I would not let it go until you have heard what the RE has to say, at a minimum and are operating with more information about what's going on. Do something nice for yourself this weekend!

[Anonymous]

I'm in the same place as you except that I'm 44. I agree with the PPs who say that you may regret it if you don't at least try. But I think that you shouldn't put so much stock into the whole sibling thing. Its great that you have such a good relationship with your siblings but there is no guarantee. I have a sibling that I've never been close to.

[Anonymous]

I don't think that this is an easy answer at all, but something to consider maybe: Can you adopt? My best friend had crazy struggles with #1 and was never able to conceive #2. They just adopted and they are so thrilled. Again, just something else to consider if you really want 2.