Traveling overseas withOUT your 6 month old (for work)

[Anonymous]

I am having a dilemna I am hoping some other moms who have been there can help me think through. I have a very important work commitment in Asia in February when my baby will be 6 months old and I can't decide if I should make the trip or not. The trip is not mandatory but it is a global staff wide retreat in addition to a global management retreat where literally every single other person in our 100+ company will be in attendance. I manage staff in this location I have not yet met and it would give me the opportunity to meet in person staff from other offices I do not yet know.There would also be a lot of company wide decisions made and discussed and I am a member of our leadership team. Given the travel time and agenda, the shortest I can be away is 6 days. After being out of the loop on maternity leave I am afraid missing this event will only make me more so. Additionally, I plan to ask for a slightly reduced schedule come our annual reviews in the Spring and want to demonstrate to the CEO that this would by no means be a reflection of my committment to the company or my work (I think I can get everything done I do now with a few less hours). So I think making the effort to be there would be a good way to show I am still fully committed before making this ask. Finally, if I don't make the trip now, I will need to make a trip sometime in the 2013 calendar year when I won't have the added benefit of meeting our other global staff. So intellectually, I think it makes sense to bite the bullet and do it now. I work in an international career so travelling internationally a few times a year is a reality for us at some point. But then logistically, I worry about how to handle pumping/feedings. I am breastfeeding and currently not using any forumula. I can barely keep up with the day to day feedings now that I am back at work so I can't imagine I will be able to build up a supply to last 6 days, so introducing formula is likely inevitable. (But then again, I may need to anyway given my current challenge of keeping up). It will also require me to pump while I am away including on the very looong flight. Will my pump need a converter? Would I need to manually pump on the plane? And it is a lot to put on my husband so we'd likely need to fly one of our moms up to help. And finally, emotionally, I'm not sure I am ready. I know it would be harder on me than her and once I got there I would be so busy it would fly by, but imagining myself kissing her goodbye to head to the airport is gut wrenching.

Some days I think, yes, I need to go, this is my career that I am passionate about and nobody bats an eye when dads travel for business. She will be well cared for and it will go by fast. And then the next day I can't imagine leaving her. I am so torn and need to decide in the next couple of weeks. My husband is completely supportive of whatever I do.

Also, as a side note, I have an older daughter (6) who I would also leave behind but I know she will be ok with regular Skype video calls and promises of some cool presents when I get home. She is used to me travelling on occasion even if she doesn't love it and it allows her and my husband to spend some QT together.

So I guess what I am looking for is advice from other moms who work in careers that require international travel. At what age was your baby when you did your first trip and how did it go for everyone involved? Anything else I'm not thinking through? (And if its to say I am a bad mom who should never of had kids if I wanted to be away from them then, thanks but no thanks).

[Anonymous]

My baby is 14 months, and I take her on every work trip, either with DH or the nanny. I actually wind up pumping LESS, because we stay in the hotel the event is in, and I can just text them when a break is coming up and we'll go find a quiet corner off the lobby to nurse.

If there's an adult you can bring, or an adult in Asia you'd trust, I say bring the baby.

[Anonymous]

I have been gone for two weeks overseas when DD was 16 months. DH and her were absolutely fine during and after.

Left DS for 11 days when he was 8 months old. The three of them were fine.

Going again in April for two weeks.

They are all fine when I'm gone. I miss them like hell, walk around looking at their pictures on my phone, love to get calls so I can hear their voices.

But we are all ok after. My trips are optional, I must go, so that helps a lot.

[Anonymous]

Pp here, sorry I mean trips are NOT optional.

[Anonymous]

Can one of the grandma's travel with you and then you'll have baby with you? Or make it a family vacation?

[Anonymous]

SAHM here.

If you take the trip, try not to feel guilty. Husbands do this all the time, and the babies are okay. Your kids are at good ages for you to do this. 6 months is developed enough that it won't be that bad for you to leave her with dad (in terms of nursing and care, even if your soul aches), and like you said, elementary is fine. It will be much more difficult on her if you leave her as a toddler than at the age she is now.

Good luck with your decision.

[Anonymous]

SAHM here.

If you take the trip, try not to feel guilty. Husbands do this all the time, and the babies are okay. Your kids are at good ages for you to do this. 6 months is developed enough that it won't be that bad for you to leave her with dad (in terms of nursing and care, even if your soul aches), and like you said, elementary is fine. It will be much more difficult on her if you leave her as a toddler than at the age she is now.

Good luck with your decision.

[Anonymous]

I can totally relate to everything you have said!!! I was in the same position many times. I think you should realistically prepare that you might not keep up with the pumping and it could diminish your supply (depending on how robust it is). If that is a dealbreaker don't go. BUT If you are ok with that possibility (which happened to me anyways without travel because I could just not keep taking hours out of my day to pump at work) I highly, highly recommend you go. The baby won't even know and 6 days is not too bad. If you are not worried about your 6 year old I would definitely go and not be worried about the baby. It is good for your career and if you still have to make the trip later this year now is a good time before the baby is starting to eat more solids and walking etc.

[Anonymous]

I left for a weekend (domestic) for work when our twins were 4 mths, and my first int'l trip (6 days) when they were about 7 mths. Have travelled several times since, usually 4-7 day duration (they're 16 mths now). Travelling while b'feeding is difficult - I found it hard but only did that once. By my first int'l trip I had stopped and they were on all formula. The logistics of travelling w/ a pump and frozen milk were actually much, much easier than I expected but finding ways to store/freeze the milk I pumped was tough, and the milk is heavy! But if you're willing to dump then you can avoid that. Having to working out pumping breaks during work is always tricky - but you'd have to assess that based on the agenda.

Emotionally I was a basket case leaving for China. Just a wreck. I felt like I was going to be on the other side of the world if something happened and that I was a terrible mother, etc... But the reality was (and still is) that everyone did just fine while I'm away and it turned out in several ways to be good for all of us:
- I was reminded of my professional life and competence and existence outside motherhood.
- I felt good knowing that I could still do my job and do it well.
- My boss (and colleagues) were visibly relieved to see that I was still capable, competent, and committed.
- My husband HUGELY appreciated the thousand little things it takes to keep the household intact. (This was major. Major. And he's appreciative/supportive anyway - but there is no substitute for actually being in charge in terms of understanding the scope/strain.)
- It gave grandparents a chance to be incredibly helpful (for me it meant I asked my MIL for help - which was really significant (in a good way) to her.)
- I come back having had some solid night's sleep (so rare in the first few months).

Anyway, the first trip was the hardest, the ones since have gotten easier. I think mothers spend a major chunk of time and energy feeling guilty no matter what choices we make, and this certainly falls in that category, but on the whole my work travel has required some adjusting, and some managing (a major part of making it work is feeling like you have sufficient support systems in place for while you're away), but hasn't been too difficult to handle. It was always something I enjoyed about my job so it has been important for me to be able to continue that.

Good luck!!!

[Anonymous]

BTDT - and it's not so bad.

Pumping on a plane is not bad - you just occupy the bathroom for a while, or if you have the benefit of an empty seat next to you I even did it in my seat under a nursing cover.

As to whether you need a converter to charge your pump, check the manufacturer. I did not in Latin America, but Asia may be a different story.

You'll probably have to resign yourself to pumping and dumping for the most part. It's not hard to refrigerate in a hotel (they'll give you a fridge even if the room doesn't come with one if you tell them its for 'medical supplies') but it's very hard to freeze anything including your ice pack unless you find a helpful person to put the ice pack in the hotel kitchen freezer, and I just didn't trust the refrigeration to last for the 12+ hours of travel time.

Buy a pack of the Medela cleaning wipes for the pump parts - I thought they were too expensive to use reguarly while pumping at work, etc. but for travel they were a lifesaver - much faster than trying to wash all your pump parts in an airport bathroom.

Good luck -- it's doable!

-- signed, the mom who BF'd to 11 months including 3 weeklong overseas trips)

[Anonymous]

I was where you are, with three kids (one at a time ). I had to do 2 week trips while nursing, to overseas. I brought electrical pump with me on two trips, managed to keep my supply through pump and dump for the first kid *(6 mo), tried and had to give up with the second since the jetlag and logistics of pumping during the day just did not work out and I lost my supply, and i did not even try with the third kid, just switched to formula (tho he was 11 months at the time so it was an easier decision than at 6 month)

It was hard logistically - from trying to pump on an airplane - I found out I could not do it, I was too stressed. I ended up just pumping during layover in Europe to relieve my hard as rock breasts. Take some advil and a lot of nursing pads. I had to explain to security screeners who have never seen el pump what it is which was pretty embarrassing to me. My el pump broke the first day of my trip and i had to spend th first business day running around the city trying to find any pump, with the assistance of the office assistant. I ended up buying manual pump there and took it with me as a back up on all subsequent trips in case electrical stops working. It is also easier in case you need to pump in the office etc. and will give you a great peace of mind to have it.

I would say go. Your husband will be fine. Your baby will be fine. You will be heartbroken but will also feel good about the work choice you have made. Do not bring baby with you - it is not fair to the baby. The long flight, the germs, the vaccinations, the uncomfortable hotel, strangers, jetlag. Leave the baby in the comfort of her own home, with dad. He will be fine, both of them.

My 6 month old did not recognize me during the first two hours when I got back. That broke my heart further - but then he remembered and everything was back to normal! Be prepared but know in the end, you are the mom and the baby will remember!

It is very hard but do-able. And it seems you feel it is something you need to do so do it. And honestly, 6 days is very do-able. It will go by quickly, especially since you will have a busy and exiting agenda on your plate. Just investigate pumping options for pumping during the day i fyou want to keep it up. You want to make sure you have a quiet place to go where you can relax.

[Anonymous]

Go, OP. Please go. You've got too much to lose. This trip doesn't sound like it's technically mandatory, but based on your description, it sounds pretty mandatory to me. Yes it will be hard and yes you may have to introduce formula but if international travel is part of your job, and you want to request reduced hours this spring, you've got to do this trip. You'll make it! Good luck!