3 year-old waking up every.single.night. Pls help!

[Anonymous]

DS is almost 3.5 and has been, for the past several months, waking up overnight almost every night. He usually goes to our room (where the baby is also sleeping) and wakes me up. I quickly take him back to his room, and sometimes he cries inconsolably as if having nightmares, other times he asks to go pee or drink water. Then it seems very hard for him to get back to sleep. I try just tucking him in and leaving which works some days. Other times he starts crying and asking me to lie down next to him. Sometimes it takes forever until I can go back to bed. This is becoming unmanageable, because baby is still waking up once/night and I'm a mess next day at work. DH also travels a lot so I'm alone with them a few nights per week. As a result, DS seems overtired and grumpy in the AMs, and I'm exhausted.

He doesn't nap (has stopped altogether a year ago) and we put him to bed at 8 pm, after a bedtime routine that ends with kisses, good night and leaving his room. He just doesn't fall asleep earlier than 8, and would just wake up for good at 5 am if we insist on earlier bedtime.
We tried stickers in the morning, reward with videos he likes, going over the rules about night waking, limiting water at night, but it works for 2 days or so and then he goes back to the waking routines. I don't know what to do - ignoring him or CIO would probably not work at this age - this kid can scream and wake up the entire neighborhood and just not go to sleep. Anyone had this problem and succeeded in fixing this? Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Ugh, 3-4 years is actually a lot harder than anyone ever tells you, sleep-wise. They still have the partial arousals of babies, but now they're also having bad dreams and fears and it seems nighttime separation anxiety again. No advice, just sympathy-- my 3 year old sleeps worse than my newborn (who, thank goodness, sleeps well). We are all in the same room now. Spouse and I are actually okay w/ it, but I'm guessing that's not the answer you want. Small mattress on the floor works for kicky kid.

[Anonymous]

We have the exact same problem, and for now are just letting our daughter get into bed with us. She seems totally disoriented and out of it when I try to rationalize with her and get her back in her own bed, and throws a mega tantrum. I'm chalking it up to some kind of sleep walking/partial waking. She seems motivated to sleep through the night in her own bed when we talk about it at bedtime, but she is a different person in the middle of the night! Would love to hear from others who have been through this phase.

[Anonymous]

12:06 here - we also had a 1.5 year old who is only an okay sleeper at the moment, so minimizing the screaming from our 3.5 year old is also a factor in allowing her to get into bed with us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:12:06 here - we also had a 1.5 year old who is only an okay sleeper at the moment, so minimizing the screaming from our 3.5 year old is also a factor in allowing her to get into bed with us.

"have" not "had"

[Anonymous]

My 2.5 year old has been waking up in the middle of the night since June. We foolishly (FOOLISHLY!) allowed him in bed with us the first night he appeared next to our bed and ever since, he's been coming in. We're now in the process of evicting him and it's not easy. Part of the problem is that we are laying down with him to get him to go to sleep and then in the middle of the night, he wakes up and expects someone to be there next to him.

Not going to lie- there have been tears and screaming and yes, he's woken up our 4.5 year old at 4am with his angry cries. We're slowly getting there and yes, it's meant DH and I have had a lot of sleepless nights trying to get him back to his own bed.

You have to know your own kid (DC #1 could come and go in our bed with no problems in returning to her own- DC #2 is stubborn and strong-willed), but I so wish that we had just put him back in his bed the first time he silently sidled up to us.

[Anonymous]

We are having the same issue with my almost 4 year old. She doesn't cry when we put her back to bed but just gets up multiple times per night. We've had a star chart for other things and have added staying in bed as one of the items. It seems to be working. We will take her to buy a toy or give her money for her piggy bank if she makes it through the night. We turn the light to the lowest setting and keep her door opened which also seems to help. She still gets out of bed but stays in her room which is fine with me. DH has a no kids in our bed policy otherwise I would've caved long ago.

[Anonymous]

Wow! So... I'm not alone?

Unfortunately, I have no advice for you, OP. I'm going through the same thing. But, it's nice to see that I'm not alone.

[Anonymous]

Man, this sucks. We just do family bed because that's the only way to get good sleep. I totally feel for you. But I do have to say that if you want to do cosleeping/family bed, it's not some horrible compromise, my sister also did a family bed and my nephews transitioned to big-boy beds just fine when they were past the scared-of-nighttime phase (about 4 or 5, I recall?).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man, this sucks. We just do family bed because that's the only way to get good sleep. I totally feel for you. But I do have to say that if you want to do cosleeping/family bed, it's not some horrible compromise, my sister also did a family bed and my nephews transitioned to big-boy beds just fine when they were past the scared-of-nighttime phase (about 4 or 5, I recall?).

And P.S. the sex is better because DH and I are well-rested! We just have to be creative about location since after 8pm the bed is off-limits

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks everyone! I wonder how we're all surviving and still able to type with all the neurons lost to sleep deprivation...The family bed doesn't work for us because our bed is small, DH big and DS spreads himself all over and then complains that DH is invading his space - sigh. Our new attempt will be 10 stickers towards a toy he wants, and then, as a final desperate resort - move the baby to DS's room and market it as big brother and baby sister keeping each other company thing. It may be a disastrous fail...we'll see!

[Anonymous]

Well, we have kind of the same thing with our 3.5yo waking every night and only wants me,DH won't do (and we have a 10 week old). We use sleep aids...he has a dream light and a cd player with soft music. So when I'm called in I'll offer to turn on one of those or the hall light and lay with him for a couple minutes. It doesn't stop him from waking and calling me in, but it helps minimize the time I'm there. We also do a sticker chart, but only for going to bed and naps well, 20 stickers gets a small toy or going out for ice cream. Good luck to us all!
Also,I know how rough the wake ups are...but I also try to keep telling myself that he's only little once and I know I'll be sad when he no longer wants me to snuggle up with him.

[Anonymous]

No, you are not alone. Between our 4 year old and 19mo, we are getting awakened multiple times a night. We are both zombies. One work around we have tried with some success is taking turns sleeping in the basement (one "on duty" with kids while other gets a restful sleep with earplugs). The one in the basement always keeps cell phone on in case the one "on" needs assistance. It has been a good way for one of us to get a solid night's sleep. And the one on knows the next night they can sleep which helps get you through the multiple night awakenings and hellish next day. I wish I had answers for how to nip the issue in the bud but so far we haven't found it. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

This happened to us with DS. It happened during the time that he was teaching himself to hold in pee/stay dry overnight. Not sure if that is correlation or not, but once that was acheived DS was still awaking at night. So frustrating I know OP!

Ds loves his Dream Light that we got him and so now he turns that on whenever he wakes up at night. There is a 20 min. timer on there too so it automatically turns off.

DS shares a room with his 5 year old brother and the nursery down the hall with the baby in it so it was imperative that the crying in the middle night had to end ASAP.

[Anonymous]

This happened with us too! I felt bad being "strict" but the more lenient we were with our dd, the more anxious she got about getting up and seeing how long she could keep us in her room. When we got stricter about it, it got better and she rarely wakes up in the middle of the night now.

I would start with immediate gratification rewards at first, a new book or sticker sheet (yay dollar store!) first thing in the morning if he sttn. We did this for about a week to get our dd to realize she's okay with sttn and it helped her realize she COULD do it, and then from there we had a weekly reward chart, and then when that fizzled out we were just really strict with it, no words, no anger, just lead her back over and over again. We did threaten taking away TV times a few times. Now a wake up is so rare that we truly believe she's scared, it's not a pattern and of course we attend to her.