My son likes dolls

[Anonymous]

I'm having major issues w/my ex partner. We have adopted a son together. BTW, we are a same sex couple. Our son, ironically, is a bit feminine, & strongly prefers female toys. At first, I was adamant about not letting him play w/girl toys, until I realized he was really hurt by it.

Right now, he is OBESSESSED w/Monster High dolls. It's all he wanted for Christmas, & when it wasn't under the tree, he was heart broken. I've since gone out & purchased the one thing that he wanted. I am not being harrassed by my "butch ex" that I am subscribing to my son possibly being gay, etc, & it's all my fault. Pot calling the kettle black.

The last thing I want is my son to feel bad about who he is, but I find myself putting these dolls away when we have company. Now he knows that he has to put them away when we have company. I feel like sh*t.

[Anonymous]

How old is your son? From my experience, the "boy" characteristics don't really kick in until about age 4 or 5. Before that, plenty of boys play with dolls and dress up in princess outfits. So, if he's younger than 5, I wouldn't pay any attention to that at all and let him play with whatever he likes. Saying that, I'd still let him play with whatever he likes after that, but I don't have your ex-partner to deal with ... !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is your son? From my experience, the "boy" characteristics don't really kick in until about age 4 or 5. Before that, plenty of boys play with dolls and dress up in princess outfits. So, if he's younger than 5, I wouldn't pay any attention to that at all and let him play with whatever he likes. Saying that, I'd still let him play with whatever he likes after that, but I don't have your ex-partner to deal with ... !

He's 6.

[Anonymous]

Who cares? If he likes dolls, let him play with dolls. And don't hide them when someone comes over - that just gives your son the impression that he's not supposed to play with dolls or that there's something wrong with it. Let him be who he is and love him for who he is.

[Anonymous]

Home should be a safe haven where he can play with his favorite things without judgment. He will catch hell at school soon enough for any perceived differences.

[Anonymous]

My 5 yo son's favorite color is pink! If he wants pink bowls or cups and Dora things I let him have it. I don't think it means anything and if if it does so what?

[Anonymous]

OP, with all due respect, it sounds like your little boy has a lot to deal with, and it goes way beyond liking dolls. Lesbian mothers who have split up and seem hostile to each other, awareness (?) of his adoption, who knows what else. I hope you're getting some help for him.

[Anonymous]

OP, with all due respect, it sounds like your little boy has a lot to deal with, and it goes way beyond liking dolls. Lesbian mothers who have split up and are hostile to each other, awareness (?) of his adoption, who knows what else. I hope you're getting some help for him.

[Anonymous]

what is a "female" toy? my 7 yr old DD chose to dress up like Capt. America for Halloween, and the little 3 yr old DD chose an Iron Man constume. she is crazy about Iron man and when we went to Target she just ignored the barbie & co. section and bought a talking Iron Man action figure. and, like her sister, she loves playing with cars and trucks, and she still is a sweet little girl who likes dancing and princess dresses (ah, I forgot, the 3 yr old DD also got her wish and for Christmas got a costume of a medieval knight, shild with dragon and sward and everythig). a little less stereotyping would go a long way, and just let your son be who he is. no need to hide his toys when people come over

[Anonymous]

I get that you don't want him to be teased. What I don't understand is whom you would have visiting you that would be the kind of person to tease your son.

[Anonymous]

Really? You have issues. You sound self hating and don't get the sexuality and gender are unrelated. Gay male here, happily married for 10+ years with two year old twin girls.

They are kids and I let them play with anything that helps them develop. Cars and trucks help their dexterity and teach hem moving parts. A doll helps make believe and imagination. That it is feminine is in your head. Get over it.

I am a happy gay Man. I have no interest in being a woman, nor sleeping with effeminate men. I am attracted to men, not women. That is why I am gay. It has nothing to do with toys. Incidentally I did not play with toys except gi joe till 7 or so. I did boy things. It has nothing to do with my sexuality. Now sleeping with men, that is what makes me gay. It is that simple.

[Anonymous]

Kids don't have the same gender stereotypes or ideas of gender roles as adults do. Its very common for little boys to play dress up or mimic putting on makeup, etc. Its not a sign of sexuality or gender, its just role playing what they see. Those who are familiar with child development and how kids play realize that.

Oldest DS used to sling a diaper changing mat over his shoulder as his "purse", mimic putting on lipstick (though he used markers...eek) and necklaces, and his favorite color was pink. He's now 5 and is pretty much a "typical" boy. Who knows what his sexuality will be (I don't really care). Second DS is currently 3.5 and likes both stereotypically girl stuff and boy stuff and is also stereotypically "all boy" (rough and tumble and everything gets turned into a ball or a puck). His favorite color is purple.

And IMO - dolls are pretty gender neutral. Boys can grow up to become fathers. Fathers take care of babies. And imaginative play is imaginative play. The same goes for toy kitchens and many other toys. And I'm not sure what your goal or purpose is in explicitly banning "girl toys".

Even if playing with "girl toys" was an effeminate trait not all effeminate men are gay. Not all gay men are effeminate. And even if your son ultimately is gay - so what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really? You have issues. You sound self hating and don't get the sexuality and gender are unrelated. Gay male here, happily married for 10+ years with two year old twin girls.

They are kids and I let them play with anything that helps them develop. Cars and trucks help their dexterity and teach hem moving parts. A doll helps make believe and imagination. That it is feminine is in your head. Get over it.

I am a happy gay Man. I have no interest in being a woman, nor sleeping with effeminate men. I am attracted to men, not women. That is why I am gay. It has nothing to do with toys. Incidentally I did not play with toys except gi joe till 7 or so. I did boy things. It has nothing to do with my sexuality. Now sleeping with men, that is what makes me gay. It is that simple.

A girl playing with trucks is different than a boy playing with dolls. The girl won't get teased but people will tease the boy. That's just how it is. Some boys can take it but some can't. Also, OP's son is 6 and that's definitely at the age where teasing is happening. That being said, I don't think she should stop him - just prepare him and protect him.

My ten year old still plays with Barbies sometimes. He happens to be one of those kids who knows he gets teased and talked about, but he doesn't care. He figures that's just how he is. But he's really an eccentric kid in many ways and he doesn't get bullied or picked on, just some teasing.

[Anonymous]

The answer to your question can be found in the son "William's Doll".

[Anonymous]

I actually don't really agree that kids don't have the same ideas about gender stereotyped toys as adults. My son is 3 and can easily and correctly identify boy toys vs girl toys. We never told him that certain toys are only for girls or boys, or that it is bad to like certain toys. He just observes what other kids play with.
That being said, if your son likes to play with dolls, I wouldn't worry about it. You can't change what he likes, and you shouldn't make him feel bad about it. If he's gay, that's fine. If he likes dolls, that's fine. You need to let him know that you accept and love him for who he is.