Cyberbullying - how to handle?

[Anonymous]

I'm caught in a situation with two family friends and would appreciate some help navigating. I have a pre-school age child, so I have no experience.

Kate's son has been cyberbullying Amanda's daughter. They attend the same school and from what I've heard, he has been saying nasty things about her in chat rooms (didn't realize people still used those?), and her friends are telling her. Kate and Amanda are not close, but do run in the same social circle and see each other often. Kate also tends to be defensive about her kids' behavior and isn't the best in confrontations. Kate's son is not the most pleasant, and I can't say I'm surprised to hear this. Amanda's daughter is very upset.

Amanda talked to me, since I am closer to Kate than she is (I'm also much closer to her than I am to Kate). I don't necessarily think I should get involved, but I do know that Kate would likely be *very* upset if Amanda just went to the school with this issue rather than discussed it with her (although she will probably be defensive about it and blow up in some fashion if it's brought up to her). Amanda wants me to talk to Kate - bad idea, in my book.

I'm thinking we need screen shots to have something concrete to show Kate. I also think just going through the school is easiest. Thoughts on how to handle this?

[Anonymous]

I would tell Amanda that it is not fair to put you in the middle. Recommend she talk to Kate first, but that's all you sould do.

She needs to stand up for her daughter and deal with it on her own. Heed your instincts on this one. You know what happens to messengers...

[Anonymous]

You should not be involved at all. They should go to the school. Unfortunately, schools have experience with this sort of thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should not be involved at all. They should go to the school. Unfortunately, schools have experience with this sort of thing.

What? The school has nothing to do with what is said in a chat room and that is just what the school official is going to tell her. Amanda should stay out of the chat room and then she won't get bullied. I bet that she keeps going back because she likes the drama.

[Anonymous]

Schools will get involved if it is impacting the student's ability to feel safe during the school day. Yes to the screenshots. Stay out of the middle. Also know that there are often two sides to online bullying. Not saying there necessarily is here, but sometimes there are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should not be involved at all. They should go to the school. Unfortunately, schools have experience with this sort of thing.

What? The school has nothing to do with what is said in a chat room and that is just what the school official is going to tell her. Amanda should stay out of the chat room and then she won't get bullied. I bet that she keeps going back because she likes the drama.

Nice, blaming the victim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Schools will get involved if it is impacting the student's ability to feel safe during the school day. Yes to the screenshots. Stay out of the middle. Also know that there are often two sides to online bullying. Not saying there necessarily is here, but sometimes there are.

+1

[Anonymous]

Aaaaaaand this goes right back to the thread about why the hell kids need 24/7 Internet access, phones, etc. THIS is why they don't.

[Anonymous]

You don't have to handle anything, OP. The minute you described a situation between two third-parties, you basically said the situation doesn't involve you. It's not your business. Butt out.

[Anonymous]

I agree with 23:32. Bring it to the attention of the school. Be it private or public, bullying is bullying. They WILL get involved. I lived thru the same situation w my daughter. The police were brought in by the school. This stuff is serious. It needs to end imeediately. Let's face it: the kids are in school to learn. If one kid is ruining the environment for another kid, how do you expect the 2nd kid to learn?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should not be involved at all. They should go to the school. Unfortunately, schools have experience with this sort of thing.

What? The school has nothing to do with what is said in a chat room and that is just what the school official is going to tell her. Amanda should stay out of the chat room and then she won't get bullied. I bet that she keeps going back because she likes the drama.

Nice, blaming the victim.

No one is blaming the victim. If Amanda kept getting poison ivy the first thing the doctor is going to tell her is to stay the hell out of the woods. Would the doctor be blaming the victim?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should not be involved at all. They should go to the school. Unfortunately, schools have experience with this sort of thing.

What? The school has nothing to do with what is said in a chat room and that is just what the school official is going to tell her. Amanda should stay out of the chat room and then she won't get bullied. I bet that she keeps going back because she likes the drama.

Actually that is wrong! If both kids attend the same school, the school will certainly get involved. Because, as PP said, it is an issue that cannot be separated and clearly will impact the students in some way. In fact, most school districts have a cyber-bullying protocol. OP, you should tell your friend to handle it through the school.

It is hard to tell from OP's post what exactly the cyber-bullying entails, but Amanda's DD does not have to be present for it to be cyber-bullying. It appears from the OP's post that the boy is saying stuff about Amanda to other students in the chat room - it is unclear whether Amanda has actually been present. In turn, this is creating an hostile environment for the girl at school. Get the school involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should not be involved at all. They should go to the school. Unfortunately, schools have experience with this sort of thing.

What? The school has nothing to do with what is said in a chat room and that is just what the school official is going to tell her. Amanda should stay out of the chat room and then she won't get bullied. I bet that she keeps going back because she likes the drama.

Nice, blaming the victim.

No one is blaming the victim. If Amanda kept getting poison ivy the first thing the doctor is going to tell her is to stay the hell out of the woods. Would the doctor be blaming the victim?

Apples and oranges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Aaaaaaand this goes right back to the thread about why the hell kids need 24/7 Internet access, phones, etc. THIS is why they don't.

Ok. But how do you know that the kids have 24/7 Internet access or even phones? They could be in the library or on dad's laptop posting.

Wouldn't the better approach be to educate the kids themselves about bullying and deal with the kids on that level? I mean, if it is not in a chat room, it could be in the lunch room or at the bus stop. Isn't it better to try and fix the underlying behavior?

[Anonymous]

But its not at the lunch room or the bus stop. Its on the Internet because kids can be badder and bolder when they are behind a keyboard.

If you keep the kid out of the places where she is bullied then she won't be bullied. Many of these kids cannot resist the drama and they keep going back to where the (what they call) bullying occurs.