Partners and Doctor's Appointments

[Anonymous]

Hi everyone. I'm 8.5 weeks pregnant with my first and am curious about how often your husband or partner accompanied you to your many pre-natal visits. My DH (ugh, I hate that term!) is happy to come with me to any appointments but I don't feel that I necessarily need his support at the visits (assuming that everything is normal) but I don't want him to miss out anything. What have been others' experiences?

[Anonymous]

I actually used the 8 week sono. picture to tell DH I was pregnant so he wasn't with me then.

He came with me at the 20 week appt. when "peanut" looked more like a little person and we could both hear and see the heart beat. We declined to know the sex at that time.

The rest of the appt. were belly checks (no need for DH to take off work for a 5 minute routine appt.) until the last month. DH came to the 36 week appt. only because we both had questions about L&D. We both took the hospital tour and the birth express class.

DH didn't feel like he missed out on anything. We got a week-to-week calendar of the development going on inside so we were both excited to read that "peanut" had fingernails, eardrums, at week #X etc.

[Anonymous]

My husband was willing to come, but I also didn't think it was necessary. He came for the sonograms -- 8 weeks to see/hear the heartbeat, 20 weeks for the big one, and 32 weeks just to verify her growth. That's the good stuff! The routine appointments in between are basically a weigh-in, find the baby's heartbeat, a blood pressure check, and "how are you feeling? do you have any questions?" Add in measuring your belly later on and then a couple of internal exams, maybe, but I could not imagine encouraging my husband to leave work for such a brief visit. He didn't feel like he missed out on anything and I didn't feel like I missed having him there.

I might have felt differently if I had a high-risk pregnancy or any complications, but I didn't.

My husband did take the weekend childbirth class with me, and we were both glad about that.

[Anonymous]

My partner has joined at 3 appointments. She was there for the first sono, when I had some pain/bleeding issues and for the 20 week sono. She has offered to go to some of the others, but they are so mundane that it seems like a waste. She would spend a half hour driving each way to witness a 5 minute chat with the doc, weigh in, bp check, etc.

[Anonymous]

My husband has come to the 20w scans for both my kids and that's about it (other than the appointments surrounding an intervening m/c). He'd come to any appointments that I wanted him to, but I don't see any value in dragging him to the routine visits unless there were serious issues to deal with or specific questions to raise with the doctors. That said, I see lots of "DH"s taking up space in the waiting room at my practice, so I'm possibly in the minority on this view.

[Anonymous]

Mine has come to nearly all my appointments as he likes to hear the heartbeat and to know what is going on. Sometimes it frustrates him - waiting ages for a 5 min appt with the OB - but most of the time he comes he enjoys being there. I'd just talk to you husband and see how it goes.

[Anonymous]

My husband starting to come to all of the visits in the beginning until we both realized the visits were just for checks and nothing really exciting happened. Of course he did come to all of the ultrasounds.

[Anonymous]

With our first, my husband came to almost all the appointments with me. The second time around he only came to the important ones (and certainly none toward the very end).

[Anonymous]

My husband has come to all my appointments (except for one or two routine ones when he had a conflicting meeting). I'm now having them every 2 weeks and I told him not to bother coming because it's routine at this point. He said that he would come to every other one....he likes to come - it makes him feel more a part of the process. There are so many milestones for the first few months....sonograms, hearing the heartbeat for the first time, etc, that it would be nice if he came to all those. After about 5 or 6 months the milestones kinda go away and you are just getting weighed and getting your blood pressure checked, so it's probably not as necessary for him to be there for those. - but it's just a personal preference.

[Anonymous]

My husband was there for most of the appointments, I think he missed 2-3 during the whole pregnancy. He enjoyed going (and especially hearing the heartbeat every time), and it worked out logistically as far as appointment times etc. But I don't think it's necessary.

[Anonymous]

It's definitely not necessary for the partner to be there for the routine appointments, but another thing to think about is this: With my husband, he's really uncomfortable with all things medical. Instead of having that be an excuse to miss routine appointments, he has instead come with me to all of mine. I hope that this gets him more accustomed to the whole doctor experience, especially since he'll be my primary support during the birth. He's figured out where to stand for internal exams, etc, which will prolly be important during L/D so he can more effectively focus on what's important - me!

[Anonymous]

I'm 19 weeks along and so far my husband's been to every appt with me. But once I start going every week for quick checks he probably won't go anymore. My OB does ultrasounds at every appt (I know not all do) and my husband likes to see it and to hear the heartbeat...it makes him feel like he's part of the whole thing (I think it's easy for men to feel a little left out b/c they can't always feel the baby move, etc).

[Anonymous]

I just had my baby, and my husband came with me to every appointment (and I was high risk, so I had even more than normal). Our thought was, we were in this together- just because I was the one carrying the baby, it was OUR baby, so he wanted to be involved every step of the way. I have a great husband!

[Anonymous]

My husband has come to all so far - the idea being to support me and learn as I learn. I also wanted him to meet all the doctors in the practice, since any one of them could deliver me, and it will help him if he's already met them. But I agree that in the later, more frequent appointments, he probably won't come.

Going to the appointments (especially early on) helps engage him - I hear him describing what happened on the phone to his family, and it's just different because he was there instead of hearing it second-hand.

We schedule them early so he can get to work a little late.

[Anonymous]

For your 1st pregnancy I think the 3 most important visits are -- your 1st visit (my OB gave us lots of info up front and explained all the various tests they could do), the 20 week u/s, and ~ 36 week appointment. The only reason I recommend the 36 week appointment is that they usually start internal exams at this appointment and it can be a bit uncomfortable and you can talk in depth about labor and delivery. I think it is more important for DH to attend classes with you -- birthing, baby care, breastfeeding, etc.