Basic Adoption Questions for Couple to consider?

[Anonymous]

My spouse and I are considering adoption, and I know that we are going to need to have a lot of conversations and discussions about it. Does anyone have a primer or a good resource for a list of questions that we should ask ourselves to see if it's right for us/what is right for us? I know we need to discuss things like international v. domestic, closed v. open, the race and age of the potential children, what disabilities or medical conditions we'd be willing to accept, agency v. private adoption, but are there other questions that I'm not thinking of, or that might not be obvious to newbies? What do you wish you had talked about before you started the process?

[Anonymous]

I think you've covered a lot of important questions. You should also think about whether you would be willing to adopt a sibling group, want more than one child eventually or in the case of a domestic adoption there is sometimes a sibling born later who also becomes available for adoption, so that's something to keep in mind.

Home studies are typically quite personally invasive, so you should discuss with your spouse if there are any areas of your past that you feel it is not necessary for the social worker to know about. For example, my husband I once briefly had marriage counselling but we chose not to tell the SW about this as we felt it might be blown out of proportion. Also if there are any issues such as criminal convictions or prior marriages that you haven't told each other about, now is the time to come clean. I know it sounds like a crazy thing to suggest, but I do actually know a couple who broke up because the criminal record check part of the home study revealed that the husband had once been convicted of a violent offence and had never told his wife.

Before deciding on domestic or international, contact agencies dealing with both. You can learn more about the pros and cons of each, while also getting feedback from them on your own situation. We thought we wanted an international adoption from an South Asian country due to my husband's background, but when we contacted an inernational agency they actually strongly recommended domestic adoption - as a mixed race couple our chances of adopting an infant were much better, and indeed we now have two mixed race children with similar racial backgrounds to us who are half bio siblings, both adopted as infants.

Don't expect to have it all figured out in advance - the journey is a learning process about adoption, yourself and your marriage, and you might find some surprises along the way.

[Anonymous]

I would put forth the question of private versus public (foster care to adoption). And the money. Cost of agency and attorneys and then immediate day care/ summer camp cost.

Also time off for you and your spouse. Not just the getting to know you time but also the possible problems and time off for appointments/school. It is a lot different when you have grown into it than -wham- Parent conferences, doctors appointments, therapist appointments.