Help during the arrival of #2

[Anonymous]

I'm interested in hearing how other people handle the potential drama of labor in terms of childcare for your first child or older children. We have no local family and I'm pretty certain that importing my MIL cross-country would be more stress than help (for one, she'd need another relative with her as she has anxiety attacks if she's left alone for more than few minutes.) Our 4yo goes to daycare and we don't have any reliable, local babysitters who could come on very short notice, especially at odd hours. We have friends who'd surely help but this too poses potential logistical issues... How have other DCUMs handled this dilemma?? Are there services who will send a babysitter at odd hours to cover this kind of emergency?

As a last resort, one of the options I'm wondering about is probably a pretty weird one by most standards ... is it absolutely necessary for me to have someone else with me during the delivery itself? At a certain level I'd prefer my husband taking care of our first child, and I'm pretty sure he'd prefer to avoid the gory bits as much as possible himself. (Last time he tried to sit in a corner and avert his eyes until the nurses forced him into action.) How weird would it be if he wasn't present for the birth? If I absolutely have to have a 'helper' in the room, are there doulas out there who would take on a client who is a huge fan of the epidural and who is generally very comfortable with lettings the doctors make decisions about interventions?

[Anonymous]

How long was your first labor? Part of the answer depends on how much time you think you will have to prepare once you realize its time. I would arrange with a friend to watch your older child for that day or night when the time comes. Ask if they could pick her up from or take to daycare if necessary. Labor would probably only last like 6 hours maybe??? I'm sure a friend would be able to help for a day or two - its not like you do this every week. Once you've delivered, your husband would be able to pick up the child.

[Anonymous]

I'd enlist a friend's help. Maybe have a list of friends who are able to be called upon if it is the middle of the night for example and then work your way down that list until someone can come. Chances are you'll have time between when labour starts and the arrival of the baby to work out arrangements. Otherwise, is there anyone else you can ask - sister? brother? exended family? who might be able to come instead of MIL?

As for having your husband stay at home, I don't know. It is a personal thing. For me, I couldn't do it and would worry that my husband would regret it later on that he wasn't there to witness the birth of our child.

[Anonymous]

I'm in a similar situation to yours. We have several sets of friends who live nearby who've all said they'd be happy to watch DS for us when I go into labor. I will feel weird actually dumping him on them if it comes to that, but I know that I'd be more than happy to do the same thing for any of these couples.

[Anonymous]

Crazy thought, but sometimes you gotta do what you need to do...
So, would you consider the option of inducing labor? At least you can sort of "schedule" things and you can still deliver vaginally (if that is your preference).

Not sure if your doc. is up to that if there is no medical need, but perhaps if you explain your situation to your doc he/she might consider the idea.

Not sure what your situation is now, but is child #1 in daycare/preK/school? If so, perhaps you can induction during those hours.

Good luck. What tough predicament.

[Anonymous]

I was in your shoes not too long ago and here's what I did. My in-laws who live a 6 hour drive away were essentially on standby - they were ready to pack up and come on a moment's notice. However, there was the big question of what to do with dd #1 during those 6 hours. I pieced together several options: Option 1: if I went into labor while dd was at daycare, I enlisted the parents of her best friend to bring her home with them. They put another car seat in their car and we left an overnight bag with the center's director. So, they were prepared to have her spend the night and my DH or in-laws would pick her up in the am. Option 2: If it happened early evening: she would go to a neighbor's house and go to bed there until my in-laws arrived. Option 3: the middle of the night - I enlisted a 22 year-old coworker to be on call to come to our house and stay overnight until in-laws came or my husband could break free from the hospital. What ultimately ended up happening is that on a Sunday morning I thought I had some early labor signs so we called the in-laws. By the time they were well on their way it was clear I was not in labor. But, they were there to stay. By Thursday of that week I was miserable and feeling bad that my in-laws were just waiting around (and not so comfortable sleeping in our dank basement) so I asked to be induced and was that Saturday. So, we were lucky. But I do recommend having several scenarios b/c you never know what time of day it will be and you need to be sure that you have folks who will be around.

[Anonymous]

ABSOLUTELY HAVE YOUR DH WITH YOU DURING BIRTH! If something happens (knocking frantically on wood right now), you want/need him there.

You MUST have friends to be on call with first. Be brave and ask. I would do it for ANY of my friends, including people I do not even know that well. Ask! Just ask!

[Anonymous]

We're in this situation right now, compounded a bit by me being due very close to the Christmas holiday and making everything else just nutty because none of my "backups" are going to be in the same place everyday. We've decided this, similar to 14:32: my parents are a 3 hour drive and on call. A neighbor will stay w/ DD if labor starts in the middle of the night. If it's during the day and she's at school, she'll stay until the latest pickup time and then have a neighbor/neighbor's nanny get her and she'll stay there (if my mom hasn't arrived yet). If it's a general "awake" time, she'll go to yet another neighbor's house and play with their DC. I had a short, fast labor w/ DD and the drs are anticipating the same this time so we have to be PREPARED!

[Anonymous]

We are fortunate to have family local, but if we didn't I would have lined up 1-2 friends (one and a backup) to take care of DD for the arrival of #2. We are also fortunate to have great neighbors, several of whom have also offered to pitch in and help if my parents can't make it quickly enough, or to stay at the house at night until they can arrive etc.

I would also plan to have your DH with you, although obviously you can deliver without him if you have good support from nurses, doctors, and/or a doula.

Our neighbors/friends had a situation earlier this year where their second child arrived very early and the people that were supposed to care for their older child were not available to stay with him. They had to take the older child to the hospital with them and they said the nurses and staff were really fantastic and volunteered to watch him in shifts for a long time so the couple could be together for the labor and delivery....

[Anonymous]

Thanks for all the input. Not having anyone local makes this feel like such a predicament, particularly the beginning. I like the idea of inducing, actually, which I know will horrify some people here. Part of my angst over this is wanting to take good care of my 4yo - he's never spent the night anywhere without either of us. It also makes me miss my mom so much, she died unexpectedly after my first child's birth. All those of you who can rely on your parents to pitch in, be thankful! Until she was gone, I didn't appreciate the sense of security that came from having a great mom who I could count on for something like this...