Ah, the holidays, which means conflicts with the in-laws. Anyone in group therapy with in-Laws?
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Anonymous
| The conflict: how much time children spend with in-laws in general. Currently, 2-4 times per month. My position is that DH and I get to decide and DH should be the one to relay what we are comfortable with to his parents. Unfortunately, his parents believe I need to be part of the discussion/negotiation and they have even suggested group therapy (!). Help. |
Anonymous
| Group therapy sounds ridiculous, but 2 to 4 times a month isn't much, especially if they live close by. |
Anonymous
| This sounds like a bad episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. |
Anonymous
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Do people really not realize that when they are with any set of grandparents then they are ALWAYS with the inlaws- do you just all assume that your partners simply do not view your parents as their in-laws but rather see them as the "family they should have had" and curse their own parents the day after meeting your glorious parents?
OK- yes this happens occasionally but seriously people, your parents ARE in laws too. Perspective! |
Anonymous
| Your response has nothing to do with the topic, PP. but thanks for pointing out the obvious. Let me guess, you're a grandma with a DIL who can't stand you. |
Anonymous
Suck it up. Your inlaws get to see their grandkids. |
Anonymous
| My parents are the tough ones, not my inlaws. What works for us is letting our kids spend time with them WITHOUT us. They are happy. We get a break. Win win situation. (No worries of abuse in our situation, that would change things tremendously and make this arrangement impossible.) |
Anonymous
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Agree with pp, GT is a joke. Stand united with DH and decide what you're comfortable with. I think once a week or every 2 weeks is fine.
I'm lucky there's a 4 hour drive between us and the in-laws 
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Anonymous
Well, here's what I think. Is there any reason to think that you all cannot have a reasonable, open, communicative relationshp? Is it impossible for you and/or the In-Laws to handle conflct or disagreement mostly-amicably? Are you using your husband as a shield from their crazy, unreasonable behavior, or are you simply imposing some sort of "rule" about who talks to whom about what? What is the rationale behind 2-4 times a month? There's not enough info here to provide any insight. I know of a grandmother who sees her GKs almost every diggety darn day, and man, is she ever thrilled about it! |
Anonymous
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My mom and dad see the kids every day.
Why should my husband restrict this? |
Anonymous
| Why would you want to limit the time kids see grandparents? |
Anonymous
| I'm not understanding your communication rule, OP. Is the point to make things easier on everyone, or just to have a rule that you insist everyone abide by and you can control everything? |
Anonymous
Could you just have a schedule? Like they pick them up from school and take them to dinner on Tuesdays and see them the first and last Sunday afternoons? You can do something with DH. Win/win. Can't tell from your post if you are controlling or if they are. |
Anonymous
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Group Therapy with in-laws sounds a bit ridiculous. But you are going to have to deal with them the rest of your kids' lives, so if that's what it takes why does it hurt to give it a try for an hour? Depends on how intense the conflict is.
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Anonymous
| Hi Op, ir depends pn the in-laws. I have a HORRIBLE MIL, but a nice FIL, but the MIL causes a lot of problems so I have to set boundaries. I dream of having a nice mother in law everyday but it will never happen. Do you like your in-laws?? I WISH My in-laws would suggest group therapy! Maybe that would solve some of our issues. lol |