Awesome and memorable, or self-centered and douchy?

[Anonymous]

I'm friends with a well-known musician (not U2 well-known, but definitely making occasional appearances on pop radio). We were talking recently and he said that he prefers smaller more intimate venues to the big shows that his band is doing now. Said "I'd just like to play a nice wedding, you know?"

My very best childhood friend is getting married next spring. Would it be weird for me to surprise her with a performance by this band at her wedding? There isn't any other live music planned, just a DJ, even though the venue would be great for it. It's a pretty big wedding, like 200 guests, at an isolated outdoor location. The band would just come with their instruments and maybe a couple of amps. Nothing more than your local swing band would have in the back of a minivan.

Yes, of course my musician friend could have been just making conversation. But I know him well enough to know that if I asked him, and he wasn't actually into it, he'd just say no, and no hard feelings either way. And my friend who's getting married is the opposite of a bridezilla. Really laid back, just looking to throw a fun party. None of this My Special Day control freak stuff. I think she would love it. But then again, I do not want to be responsible for her wedding being overshadowed by a surprise concert.

As for why I'm not asking her... I think it would really have to be a surprise. What if she got all excited and then the band canceled? What if word got out and the wedding got crashed by fans of the band?

Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Can you ask the groom?

[Anonymous]

If you do pull it off, be sure to get it on video!

Is the bride a fan of the band?

[Anonymous]

Self-centered and douchey, sorry. It's a really really nice thought. But you'd be putting both your band friend and your wedding friend in an awkward position. Your friend has not even booked live music for her wedding, who says she wants it? If you have a popular band show up out of nowhere it will totally steal her thunder and frankly, put a whole lot of attention on YOU. Icky.

What you could do, which would be absolutely lovely, is check with your band friend to see if he's into it, and if so, float the offer to your wedding friend, making it clear that there would be no hard feelings if she says no. She can do it as a surprise for the guests if she wants. But a surprise like that for the bride on her wedding day? In NO universe is that a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Self-centered and douchey, sorry. It's a really really nice thought. But you'd be putting both your band friend and your wedding friend in an awkward position. Your friend has not even booked live music for her wedding, who says she wants it? If you have a popular band show up out of nowhere it will totally steal her thunder and frankly, put a whole lot of attention on YOU. Icky.

What you could do, which would be absolutely lovely, is check with your band friend to see if he's into it, and if so, float the offer to your wedding friend, making it clear that there would be no hard feelings if she says no. She can do it as a surprise for the guests if she wants. But a surprise like that for the bride on her wedding day? In NO universe is that a good idea.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
What you could do, which would be absolutely lovely, is check with your band friend to see if he's into it, and if so, float the offer to your wedding friend, making it clear that there would be no hard feelings if she says no. She can do it as a surprise for the guests if she wants. But a surprise like that for the bride on her wedding day? In NO universe is that a good idea.

this is what I would suggest. I wouldn't have wanted a band at my wedding, and certainly not a surprise band, but some people would love it. You need to tell her.

[Anonymous]

Pretty sure the musician will be running back to the big venues after you ask him to do this.

[Anonymous]

Surprises and weddings don't mix. Enough can and will go wrong as it is with the normal wedding plans. I can't imagine even thinking this would be o.k. She would need to hear the music to see if it would suit her tastes.

[Anonymous]

No surprise for the bride on the wedding day. NO! Not even the most laid back person would want this.

[Anonymous]

A surprise is bad for a wedding day. However, if your band friend says "yes," it's an awesome pre-wedding offer. Even if she says "no," it would still be really sweet to offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Surprises and weddings don't mix. Enough can and will go wrong as it is with the normal wedding plans. I can't imagine even thinking this would be o.k. She would need to hear the music to see if it would suit her tastes.

+1

[Anonymous]

There is no way in the world you can "suprise" someone at their wedding with a band, unless you are the heroine of a 60's Italian Sex Farce. WTF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Surprises and weddings don't mix. Enough can and will go wrong as it is with the normal wedding plans. I can't imagine even thinking this would be o.k. She would need to hear the music to see if it would suit her tastes.

Of course she's heard the music. Everyone's heard it. And she mentioned in passing once seeing if she could get tickets to a show, so I know she likes it.

So now I'm thinking maybe for the bachelorette party. I'm going to see the musician friend over the holidays and will run it past him. He's super fun, I bet he would come up with some hilarious way for his band (or part of the band) to be there. I'm thinking they could come in like they're strippers (my friend HATES strippers, and has told us we can do anything we want for her hen party as long as there are no strippers), and then instead of taking their clothes off, give her a little serenade.

Hee! This might be even better...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surprises and weddings don't mix. Enough can and will go wrong as it is with the normal wedding plans. I can't imagine even thinking this would be o.k. She would need to hear the music to see if it would suit her tastes.

Of course she's heard the music. Everyone's heard it. And she mentioned in passing once seeing if she could get tickets to a show, so I know she likes it.

So now I'm thinking maybe for the bachelorette party. I'm going to see the musician friend over the holidays and will run it past him. He's super fun, I bet he would come up with some hilarious way for his band (or part of the band) to be there. I'm thinking they could come in like they're strippers (my friend HATES strippers, and has told us we can do anything we want for her hen party as long as there are no strippers), and then instead of taking their clothes off, give her a little serenade.

Hee! This might be even better...

Much better idea. Most people don't want their weddings to turn into impromptu rock concerts.

[Anonymous]

Love the bachelorette party idea. That sounds great!