Did all that confidence talk when they were little workout when your child aged?

[Anonymous]

Maybe my DC is just insecure, she is only five so I hope confidence starts to grow within her. I've planted the seed since she was a baby but it doesn't seem to have adhered.

[Anonymous]

How have you spoken to her and what are you seeing?

[Anonymous]

Confidence is the result of COMPETENCE.

Confidence does not come from telling your child he/she is great, wonderful, etc. When your child learns to do things or works hard at something, he/she will have confidence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Confidence is the result of COMPETENCE.

Confidence does not come from telling your child he/she is great, wonderful, etc. When your child learns to do things or works hard at something, he/she will have confidence.

I agree. Confidence comes from a sense of mastery. Working through something and overcoming it, seeing success related to your efforts. Also kids who have an accurate and not inflated sense of their strengths and abilities tend to have more lasting self-confidence. So if your child says, "I'm not good at x", rather than replying "oh yes you are", have a discussion about what good would look like and step to take to get there. No stepping in to save the day, let them work through life with your support.

[Anonymous]

Praise effort, not results.

But I'm wondering what OP is reacting to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Confidence is the result of COMPETENCE.

Confidence does not come from telling your child he/she is great, wonderful, etc. When your child learns to do things or works hard at something, he/she will have confidence.

+1

[Anonymous]

All of this is good advice. Plz read NUTURE SHOCK- it is an excellent book on how kids build their own confidence instead of this fake inflated "tropies for everyone attitude" we are surrounded by. Continue to praise effort and hard work- giving your child a false sense of "innate" intelligence or athletic ability only sets them up for failure.

[Anonymous]

My 7 year old child's self-confidence stems from my repeatedly-expressed belief that he can achieve a lot, through hard work.

I do not praise my child very often - when I do, it is because he has made a really thoughtful remark or put a lot of effort into something that exceeded our expectations.

I find he can usually correctly assess the quality of his work, and that his confidence level is a direct reflection of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of this is good advice. Plz read NUTURE SHOCK- it is an excellent book on how kids build their own confidence instead of this fake inflated "tropies for everyone attitude" we are surrounded by. Continue to praise effort and hard work- giving your child a false sense of "innate" intelligence or athletic ability only sets them up for failure.

+1
Can't recommend this book enough.

[Anonymous]

I suggest, OP, that you look at your own behavior. What we model (and say about ourselves) matters a lot more than what we say to our kid.

[Anonymous]

I think confidence starts with a strong and healthy relationship between parents and child. The feeling a child gets from feeling that they are loved and cherished is irreplaceable.

Once this is in place, I agree that confidence will naturally develop as a child succeeds at various tasks through her hard work.

Of course, some of us are naturally more confident that others. Some people, despite all the best early influences and many talents and successes, are prone to insecurity and self doubt.

[Anonymous]

Op here, thanks for the input

[Anonymous]

Mindset would be a good read too. I agree with the others that you need to praise the effort and hard work, not results.

[Anonymous]

OMG - if only more parents knew this. Kudos to you for checking out what REALLY works, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Confidence is the result of COMPETENCE.

Confidence does not come from telling your child he/she is great, wonderful, etc. When your child learns to do things or works hard at something, he/she will have confidence.

I agree. Confidence comes from a sense of mastery. Working through something and overcoming it, seeing success related to your efforts. Also kids who have an accurate and not inflated sense of their strengths and abilities tend to have more lasting self-confidence. So if your child says, "I'm not good at x", rather than replying "oh yes you are", have a discussion about what good would look like and step to take to get there. No stepping in to save the day, let them work through life with your support.

Yes! There's a great book that speaks to all of this: Ned Hallowell's Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness. It has been quite wonderful to see my DC's confidence grow through hard work and developing competence in areas of interest (e.g., a martial art) and in academic skills like reading.