Do other men not like talking before going to sleep?

[Anonymous]

It's 12:30 am, I crawl into bed and am just about to turn out the light when my DW starts talking to me about her sister's neighbor's operation and then gets upset because I'm not really listening. Why am I not paying attention? I tell her that no men like talking before going to sleep. I quote Harry's final love declaration from When Harry Met Sally, but to no avail. I tell her we should discuss these things earlier in the day. She says I'm strange and that I'm the only man she's ever met who doesn't like to talk before going to sleep.

So, a quick poll: do other DHs out there feel the same way? Do you hate talking before going to sleep? And if so, why is it that DWs save discussions of what's on their mind until bedtime?

Feel free to flame as you wish! I know that DCUM is not the place to solve spousal debates, but it at least provides some humor.

[Anonymous]

I learned long ago not to talk to DH at bedtime. You are not alone.

[Anonymous]

yup, dh hates it too.

[Anonymous]

I solve this by going to bed at different times. DW goes to bed a couple of hours earlier. If she wants to talk before going to bed, she can come and find me in the kitchen or family room before she turns in and talk then. When I get to bed, she's asleep.

[Anonymous]

I get monosyllabic grunts.

[strongone]

I'm a DH, with you on this. My DW ALWAYS wants to have a conversation, make plans, remind me to do this or that, all right as I put my head on the pillow.

The thing for me is, I'm intending to go to sleep. What I'm intending to do, I just want to do, nothing else. I'm good earlier in the day, bring it up then, but not right in bed. Bed is for sex and sleeping, imho.

[Anonymous]

My husband is the person who wants to talk and I'm the person who doesn't. It's more personality, than gender. We deal with this by taking walks together before bedtime or before breakfast. It gives us uninterrupted time together to talk. He doesn't talk to me in bed; it makes me crabby.

[Anonymous]

DH and I always talk in bed before going to sleep. It's our little ritual and it's sweet. I think he likes it (we've done it for years).

However, we don't talk when we get in bed planning on frisky business. I'm sure he likes that better

[Anonymous]

In our case it's the other way around. We'll go to bed at the same time and in the time it takes me to take out my contacts (the one diff in our routines) she's asleep. I think she falls asleep before her head hits the pillow.

While I'm not up for discussing neighborhood gossip I wouldn't mind a couple min recap of the day, any +/- kid stuff one of us might have missed and a reminder of anything important I need to remember for tomorrow.

It feels almost like I'm going to bed alone even though I'm not.

[Anonymous]

I'm a woman and the last thing I want to do is talk right before I try to fall asleep. A bit earlier, yes, but by the time I get into bed I'm usually close to shutting down and don't have the energy to chat.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I talk in bed most nights. But we go to bed an hour before we actually sleep specifically so we can connect, so whatever we do in that hour is assumed to include consciousness.

[Anonymous]

Actually, my husband likes to talk in bed. He's a bit timid about truly expressing himself, so I think he does it's easier for him with the lights out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is the person who wants to talk and I'm the person who doesn't. It's more personality, than gender. We deal with this by taking walks together before bedtime or before breakfast. It gives us uninterrupted time together to talk. He doesn't talk to me in bed; it makes me crabby.

+1 - I think he just wants to talk because he is decompressing and wants to relay info. while it is on his mind. It is usually not gossip but something important. However, when I have gotten ready for bed and my head is on the pillow he doesn't always get my full attention because I am exhausted. He says I have had conversations with him that I don't remember ever having. My mind automatically shuts off if I am too tired but I guess my mouth can still work.

My DH doesn't usually get mad at me. It just makes for ineffective communication. We try to have most relevant discussions at the dinner table or before bed.

[Anonymous]

Nope, in our house the bed is not a place for conversation.

[Anonymous]

Same with this guy. My DW is same, and the topic is usually about some person who I have never met nor care about.