My almost 7 year old is scared to death of dying...help!

[Anonymous]

He will not fall asleep at night and comes in sobbing because he keeps thinking about dying. He wants to be a "sock" or other inanimate objects because they don't die. He's afraid of what happens, but more difficult (I think) is the idea of being without us. We explained about heaven, which works with my husband's Catholic upbringing, but I am agnostic (which I haven't explained in detail yet), and we don't go to church or anything, so it's heaven (or hell) isn't something he's really heard much about. I'm open to discussing more about heaven, but would love any other suggestions of books or other ideas to help deal with this. We haven't dealt with death on a really personal level yet, luckily - he had a classmate when he was 4 who died and we talked about how rare it is for little kids to die, and most of the time people are old (like his great-grandmother, who is 95, and we have said will likely die sometime in the next few years). But we haven't had to deal with anyone very close to us dying, and I am dreading it all the more now with his angst. Help!

[Anonymous]

Go to the library, they have some good kids books about death and dying that might help. Ask at the info desk or the person in the kids section.

[Anonymous]

I think many kids go through this. I know I did and so did my DD. My DD was younger and it just seemed to run it's course after a few miserable weeks. I think there is a lot of anxiety that needs to be processed. If this coninues to make you for more than a couple of weeks, I'd try to find a therapist to help.

The most helpful thing I can tell you is about a friend's child who she took to therapy for anxiety related to death after a cousin died.

She reported to me that the therapists approach was to let her DD explain exactly what she feared. "I don't want to die." You say, why, what do you think happens. He tells you. . . and you say then what happens . . . and then what . . and then what until you reach the end of his imagination. Her DD ended with "we'll all be walking around like skeletons." The therapist then responded, would that be so awful?

I hope this is helpful. I don't think it cold make things worse--but you know your child better of course.

[Anonymous]

It's a growing up thing - realizing bad things can happen to good people, that mommy and daddy can't always keep him safe from everything in the world, etc.

I channel it into "this is why we always wear our seatbelts and look both ways before crossing, and etc" Gives back a feeling of control.

[Anonymous]

I went through this in a similarly overwhelming way and in retrospect I think it was the reflection of an anxiety disorder -- which I have since been treated for and my DC has as well. My parents weren't real believers and we never discussed death openly, which paved the way for my anxiety to latch onto it. I have approached things differently with my DC, who hasn't had this anxiety but has fixated on other worrisome things. My point is that you might want to unravel whether this is a bread and butter fear of death or whether he's an anxious kid and his anxiety has attached to this. If it really is interfering with his ability to sleep and enjoy life, you might consider therapy. I wish I had it as a kid.