Getting lost in the crowd vs. living in a "bubble"

[Anonymous]

I'm on the fence between private and public for K. I thought that in public, dc could get lost, since he is very shy, does not speak up for himself, etc. until he feels much more comfortable. I thought the privates were lovely, lots of individual attention, etc. But then I'm concerned that it's not how the "real world" is, and he should learn to be more assertive, the earlier, the better. Any thoughts? FWIW, I am very shy mysefl and went to public schools and didn't have a problem in elementary school at all. But dh is questioning whether public will be a good fit for ds. thanks.

[Anonymous]

This describes my oldest child, and because we were concerned that she would get lost in the mix (good kid, shy, behaves well in class) we decided to send her to private. She is now in 5th grade, and has truly blossomed. Her self confidence has grown, and we can no longer call her shy. I think the school we picked was the right choice for her. For high school we will be able to pick from many different choices - public, private, large or small, single-sex or co-ed. I feel these elementary years have helped build a solid foundation for her.

[Anonymous]

OP, have you visited your local public elementary to get a feel for it? Schools definitely have different vibes.

[Anonymous]

OP: thanks for the responses. I did visit the local public, and it's nice but you definitely see how a kid could get lost there. Actually, we know a family who left after K because they felt their son was getting lost in the shuffle.

[Anonymous]

Um, yay bubble? But I agree, there are public schools where your child would thrive, even if there are a lot of students. The number is only a contributing element.And some small schools might not be as nurturing as one would think.

[Anonymous]

On the whole, if you don't have a good feeling about the local private elementary, then maybe you could consider private school for elementary, and reconsider for middle or upper school. Some small private schools do tolerate bullying, though--we saw it first hand.

[Anonymous]

Put him/her in K for public and see how it goes. You will know more in 2nd or 3rd grade about his learning style and what does and does not work.

BTW - there are small colleges and large ones. There are small firms and large firms. There are small towns and large cities.

So in the real world there are more choices than we have in our local public school. We have 1 school that we have to go to. That is not real life. Most kids will thrive in that school but there is a small percentage that won't.

[Anonymous]

OP, for the same reasons (syness), we chose a small private school for DS until 4th grade. He so confident now -- and I do credit that to being a valued member of a small community with plenty of opportunities to learn how to speak in front of the school.

We're moving him to public now for the reasons you cited. He can and should mix it up in a larger group.

[Anonymous]

If you can afford it do private. Your kid will blossom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can afford it do private. Your kid will blossom.

+1

Going private does not mean living in a bubble. It will/does if you let it though.

[Anonymous]

You can also go public now but be preparing to go private for middle school. Save your pennies. Public middle school is huge, lots of homework and a jungle.

[Anonymous]

We chose private for the reasons you choose. In reality, our public school has the same demographics as the private school, so I don't think the private is much more of a bubble than our local elementary. In the two years we've been in private, our DC now talks voluntarily (instead of waiting to be asked), will demonstrate things for the class, and has confidence that I never thought possible. Who knows, maybe it was age, but I don't think we would have seen this side of our DC in a bigger classroom. So for that reason, I think private in the early years is far more important than later on. Just my 2 cents.

[Anonymous]

We were in public with DC and she did get lost in the shuffle. Now in private since 3rd grade. I wouldn't worry about the bubble factor.

[Anonymous]

You are the one in control of how your child and your family spend your time outside of school and with whom. If you don't want to live in a bubble or allow her to build the impression that all people are privileged, don't.

[Anonymous]

OP: I don't mean a bubble in the sense of diversity. I mean a bubble in the sense that there will not necessarily be a whole lot of personal attention and hand-holding everywhere as you get older. I think this is less of an issue when they're little, but especially say in middle and high school. While it's nice to know that teachers are on top of things and would let me know about any issues with dc, I think they need to take charge of their education and have initiative. I think public school in some ways "forces" this on you, but not sure about private. I went to public myself, so any other views would be most welcome.