Advice for my sister

[Anonymous]

We are doing Christmas at my parents house this year, it is going to be a really hard year for my sister and I want to be sure I don't say or do the wrong thing. She and her husband have been TTC this past year (only I know) and have been having issues, she also had an early miscarrage. My parents are very nosy, "when are you going to start trying! your sister already has given us a grandchild" type questions. I want to make things as easy for her as possible, but I don't want to step on her toes in anyway.

Any thoughts on how to handle? Anythings - or words - that have brought comfort (if any). I don't want to betray my sisters trust to not tell my parents what is going on with her, but I also want to tell my mother to back off.

Thoughts?

[jindc]

Maybe just let her handle their nosey questions, but in advance let her know that you appreciate her confidence in her trials/tribulations and support her. And that if she needs "back up" to distract, you'll help as best you can?

To me, being TOO aware of it might make her feel more awkward. My MIL is the same way, and my PERFECT SIL is pregnant with what you'd think is the second coming. I kept telling myself that I can't take it the wrong way because my MIL doesn't know we're starting IVF (that I know if, my DH has said he hasn't told her).

It's sweet to think of her feelings, but that would be my tactic.

[Anonymous]

Why can't you just tell your mom to back off without revealing anything specific? Suggest that if they don't have kids yet it's either because they don't want them yet (or maybe one of them does and one of them doesn't), or because they do want them and they haven't been able to yet. Whatever the answer is, it's not helpful or kind or appropriate to raise the subject.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Why can't you just tell your mom to back off without revealing anything specific? Suggest that if they don't have kids yet it's either because they don't want them yet (or maybe one of them does and one of them doesn't), or because they do want them and they haven't been able to yet. Whatever the answer is, it's not helpful or kind or appropriate to raise the subject.

This seems like a good approach to me. Even before I had my own difficulties TTC or knew about others', I always thought the sort of approach you describe your mom as having was just rude (if not well-intentioned). I think you can totally tell her to back-off. The challenge will be figuring out a time to do it that is natural (ie I'm assuming when your sister isn't around).

[Anonymous]

I would try to distract your mother if you can. "Mom! I need you to show me how you devil those eggs!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Why can't you just tell your mom to back off without revealing anything specific? Suggest that if they don't have kids yet it's either because they don't want them yet (or maybe one of them does and one of them doesn't), or because they do want them and they haven't been able to yet. Whatever the answer is, it's not helpful or kind or appropriate to raise the subject.

This seems like a good approach to me. Even before I had my own difficulties TTC or knew about others', I always thought the sort of approach you describe your mom as having was just rude (if not well-intentioned). I think you can totally tell her to back-off. The challenge will be figuring out a time to do it that is natural (ie I'm assuming when your sister isn't around).

Yeah, there's nothing wrong with saying, "Mom, lay off susie. I remember before we had little Johnny how much I hated the questions and pressure. Let's try not to go there."

[Anonymous]

your Mommy issues just mask the real problem, you don't want to talk openly about ttc bc it sucks and is painful!