calling preschoolers veterans

[Anonymous]

hello there,

my DC (23 months) started preschool a couple of weeks ago. DC has been at home, but exposed to other children by playgroups, and yoga, gymboree classes. DC is very sweet and loving, loves to cuddle mom. although we had a very good start, he jumped right on the playing floor, these past 2 days have been horrible, the minute DC sees the building, he starts crying. the teacher called me the other day, she suggested that I stay with him in the class, because if I took DC away that might give the wrong message, mom comes, I go. I went there and my DC had the saddest face... so heart breaking, when he saw me he started crying, but after 1 minute he jumped out of my arms and started playing, he did not want to do the coloring activity the other kids were doing, but he went away from me to play. I stay until the class is over and he was fine. now, since we had a good start and we are going backwards, should I really worry? DC attends a beautiful little school, teachers are very nurturing and loving, his class is not too big (7 others) and they have 1 teacher and 2 assistants. what should I expect in the next coming days? the teacher keeps telling me that kids are different and they adjust to routines and etc on their own time, but is so heart breaking and timing is so bad, the school is closed for 3 weeks next month due to religious holidays...

any words of advice would be HIGHLY Appreciated. thanks.

[Anonymous]

23 months seems young for preschool. My DC went to preschool at that age as a mommy and me program, but not for drop off.

DC's school doesn't do drop-off preschool until kids are 2 (by the MOCO deadlines) so most kids are closer to 2.5 before they start drop-off.

Is there a rush to start this year? Maybe he's not ready yet. If you need to do it for any reason, just ask the teachers for advice on what works best for getting through this tough transistion.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP. Your child sounds very young and he sounds like he is telling you that he is not quite ready. If you can, continue to attend with him until the 3 week break, then see how he does when he goes after the break ... that should be enough time for him to adjust. If he still cannot attend happily without you there after that amount of time, then you may seriously need to reconsider.

[Anonymous]

thanks, we started a bit early because baby #2 is arriving in April, thought that 2 transitions were going to be a bit too much next year. DC did much better today, w/o me, but will def. see if any changes later on. appreciated your input.

[Anonymous]

My words are a little different than the posters so far. Your child will be JUST FINE!! Keep in mind that they follow your cues. You sound confident that you have chosen a good school with a good class size and good staff. Constantly give him encouraging words about growing up and being a big boy. Smile and give him assurance when you drop him off. He is transitioning. School is very different than being with mommy. But your child is learning socialization skills as well as preparing him for school long-term.

The fact that your son went back to playing when you arrived is a definite sign that he will be alright. Keep your routine the same and by the end of next week (or maybe longer or maybe sooner), he will adjust. You will benefit and so will your child. Children are resilient and parents know best. Stand confident in your decision and know that tons of kids your childs age are preschooling. Things will be fine. Hang in there and good luck!

[Anonymous]

OP, reconsider this school thing for now, and think about taking your child out.

[Anonymous]

Give it 2-3 weeks to see if he gets used to it. I had to work (single mother, no child support), and put my daughter into a school - it was a lovely place and I had a good vibe about it, but she HATED being away from me for the first two weeks. Screaming bloody murder, tantrums, etc). Broke my heart, but the teachers said she was fine after 20 minutes of this and got over it after a couple weeks.

I really do not think it is to young... just an strong separation anxiety.

[Anonymous]

I'm confused as to why some are saying the child is too young for preschool ... is it because the child has until this point been at home? Is it because it is a preschool, as opposed to a daycare? Asking because there are tons of children that start daycare/preschool earlier than 23 mos ...

[Anonymous]

It's not a question of age, but rather the apparent inability of the child to adjust and feel happy or at least not miserable.

[Anonymous]

Your child is not too young for this kind of setting. It's new, he has some adjusting to do, as well as you also, and it will be ok. It's a perfect age to start getting them in a more social setting.

I'm in the same boat. My son is 21 months and we've had an incredible nanny, part-time. Unfortunately, my husbands work schedule changed and he can no longer help with childcare and even though I work part-time, the time I spend in the office varies daily. My husband will not pay for a full time nanny.

[Anonymous]

To 11:48 -
Many children who are in daycare have been there since they were infants. So they are much more comfortable in that setting than an older baby/toddler who is dropped off for the first time.

Obviously, if the parent must send the child to school in order to work, then it's a necessity and most likely the child will be perfectly fine and will adjust.

However, to begin drop-off at 23 months for a child who has been home (with mom or nanny) until that point is tough (as the OP is learning). It's too young for drop-off playdates, too young to have real friendships with other kids, and it's a new environment.

If the mother thinks that school right now is best for her child, I agree that staying with him for the first few weeks is a very good compromise. He doesn't need to worry about being left alone while he adjusts to the new surroundings.

[Anonymous]

I disagree with the idea of taking the child out. That will just reinforce a form of avoidance behavior. My sense is that children who have trouble separating at age 2 will also have trouble at age 3, 4, etc.

When my daughter started preschool, at age 2, she cried the entire time, leaving me in tears as well. We were transitioning from a nanny and I had the nanny stay in the classroom, which stopped the crying. The nanny then took longer and longer breaks from the classroom until November when she was gone completely (had it been me and not her, I think the process would have been much more difficult) and my daughter had a terrific time from then on. I believe the same thing would have happened a year or two later. She was the kind of child who cried for a long time when we had babysitters for the evening, which meant we didn't go out as much as we should have.

My daughter is now 12 and doesn't want me anywhere around, but thats another story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with the idea of taking the child out. That will just reinforce a form of avoidance behavior. My sense is that children who have trouble separating at age 2 will also have trouble at age 3, 4, etc.

When my daughter started preschool, at age 2, she cried the entire time, leaving me in tears as well. We were transitioning from a nanny and I had the nanny stay in the classroom, which stopped the crying. The nanny then took longer and longer breaks from the classroom until November when she was gone completely (had it been me and not her, I think the process would have been much more difficult) and my daughter had a terrific time from then on. I believe the same thing would have happened a year or two later. She was the kind of child who cried for a long time when we had babysitters for the evening, which meant we didn't go out as much as we should have.

My daughter is now 12 and doesn't want me anywhere around, but thats another story.

The thing is that when you push a child away in an attempt to "do what's best for them" they get more clingy. So I disagree that if you pulled him out, if you end up determining that he's not ready at this time, that he would have the trouble adjusting in a year from now. Saying that completely ignores childhood development.
OP, you know your child and the situation best. Do what feels right to you. But please don't worry about setting up bad precidents by doing what you know is right for your child at his point in his development(which at this point in time MAY be rethinking preschool). Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with the idea of taking the child out. That will just reinforce a form of avoidance behavior. My sense is that children who have trouble separating at age 2 will also have trouble at age 3, 4, etc.

When my daughter started preschool, at age 2, she cried the entire time, leaving me in tears as well. We were transitioning from a nanny and I had the nanny stay in the classroom, which stopped the crying. The nanny then took longer and longer breaks from the classroom until November when she was gone completely (had it been me and not her, I think the process would have been much more difficult) and my daughter had a terrific time from then on. I believe the same thing would have happened a year or two later. She was the kind of child who cried for a long time when we had babysitters for the evening, which meant we didn't go out as much as we should have.

My daughter is now 12 and doesn't want me anywhere around, but thats another story.

I disagree with this poster's advice. I'd also add that, no, trouble separating at 2 (or 23 months) does not necessarily portend trouble separating at age 3 or 4.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with the idea of taking the child out. That will just reinforce a form of avoidance behavior. My sense is that children who have trouble separating at age 2 will also have trouble at age 3, 4, etc.

When my daughter started preschool, at age 2, she cried the entire time, leaving me in tears as well. We were transitioning from a nanny and I had the nanny stay in the classroom, which stopped the crying. The nanny then took longer and longer breaks from the classroom until November when she was gone completely (had it been me and not her, I think the process would have been much more difficult) and my daughter had a terrific time from then on. I believe the same thing would have happened a year or two later. She was the kind of child who cried for a long time when we had babysitters for the evening, which meant we didn't go out as much as we should have.

My daughter is now 12 and doesn't want me anywhere around, but thats another story.

I disagree with this poster's advice. I'd also add that, no, trouble separating at 2 (or 23 months) does not necessarily portend trouble separating at age 3 or 4.

I agree -- big, big developmental differences between 2 and 3. When I started a play class with my son at 2, he didn't want me out of his sight. He ran into his first day of pre-school at 3 without looking back.