If you are a dad of two girls and were disappointed when you found out the sex...

[Anonymous]

... did you ever get over the disappointment? How long did it take? And what helped you get over it? Found out a month ago that we are having a second DD and husband is majorly disappointed. I've read about "gender disappointment" and was willing to give him some time to work it out, talk to him, do counseling, whatever, but he is still very upset. It is starting to affect our relationship, my pregnancy, and most importantly how I view him as a dad to the one wonderful, beautiful, incredible, sweet little girl that we already have. If you never did get over it as a dad, please be honest too.

[Anonymous]

wife here. I don't think my husband has ever fully gotten over it in terms of wishing he had a son. but he definitely did get over wishing #2 were that son. I honestly can't remember when it happened, and quite possibly that's because he processed it internally. But he was the one who wanted to find out gender in order to give himself that time.

We are now a few years down the road and he is still an amazing father who loves both our girls to pieces and wouldn't change either of them for the world. (At leat not their gender - I think we'd both be happy to change #2's morning lark tendencies

So at this point my husband's wish to have a son doesn't impact the family we currently have, though it comes up in terms of talks about having another. And I also have tried to be more understanding about why he wants a son - my husband is extremely close to his own father.

[Anonymous]

I'm mom to two boys and was horribly disappointed when I learned that #2 was a boy. Devastated, even. It really had a terrible effect on the rest of the pregnancy and when he turned out to be a difficult infant (sleep, eating), that didn't help.

Fast-forward, he is 12yo now and I wouldn't trade him for anything (even for a girl :wink - but I still wish I had a girl. It is a loss/a wish unfulfilled that just *is*. It's not as if I think about it every day, but it still makes me sad sometimes that I will never get to parent a daughter.

A third child was never an option for a number of reasons, but even if it had been, I'd have been wary of trying because you cannot control gender, and a third may well have been a boy.

[Anonymous]

Your husband needs to buck up. Very selfish. If he allows his disappointment to grow, he will cause irreparable damage to both daughters.

[Anonymous]

We didn't learn the gender because I was a little worried about being disappointed if I learned it before actually having the baby, but I guess others process that in different ways.

That said, my husband is a little sad he won't have any girls-- there's something pretty special in the father-daughter relationship that's usually a little different than father-son.

[Anonymous]

Mom of 2 boys here. I was disappointed and so was DH. We wanted a girl. But now that we have 2 boys, it just seems like it was meant to be. We basically got over it before DS#2 was born. Imagining life with 2 boys was fun - and different from the life I imagined with one of each. DS#2 is only 4 months old now. Yeah, I would love to parent a girl, but it just wasn't meant to be. Now I am hoping for a neice. My advice is to pick a name and imagine the fun girly things in store - tea parties, trips to see the princesses at Disney, etc.

[Anonymous]

Having a boy doesn't guarantee anything. My brother is gay and I was a tomboy so my dad actually talking sports and cars with his daughter rather than his son. So one of your girls could be a t

[Anonymous]

Tomboy.

[Anonymous]

I was actually the one who had a hard time when I learned we were having a girl. Talk to me when she's 14, but once I met her, I knew she was meant to be ours and I wouldn't trade her for the world. I actually feel like a huge ass for being so disappointed. I have to think your husband will feel the same way when he meets #2.

[Anonymous]

My husband really did not care with DD1, was thrilled to have a girl. With pregnancy #2, he definitely wanted a son. Partly because he thought it would be great to raise a son, but also to get the experience of having one of each, and because we were both from families that had one of each (I had a big brother, he was a big brother to a sister).

It felt weird that we were going to experience something different. But, I think he got over it, certainly once she was born. Once you have the baby, it's hard to picture anything else. And because we each grew up in a house with a brother and sister, we have been floored to see our two girls have that sister bond. It is amazing. I'm sure it would be amazing to have a boy and a girl, but it's hard to get upset that our girls each have a sister.

[Anonymous]

We only have one so far, but I know my DH was EXTREMELY disappointed that it was a girl. It took him a couple of months to process it, but by the time our DD was born, he had gotten over much of it. Now, seeing how much of a daddy's girl she is, it is amazing he was every disappointed.

My father has 2 girls, and he was always disappointed that he never had a boy, but I know that he loves me a lot (no irreparable damage here). He did, however, train me to love sports and be able to fix things around the house, so I feel like he got the boy he was looking for!

[Anonymous]

Mom of two boys. I was also extemely disappointed when I found out that they were boys since I never wanted any boys. I would never say this out loud to anyone, but since this is an anonymous forum, I'll say even now that I really still am deeply sad that I miss out on the experience of having a daughter. Both times I allowed myself to openly cry to my husband for a couple of days after we found out the gender, but then I dropped it. I don't ever complain about it any more or ever let anyone in my family know about it. I think your husband needs to cheer up for the sake of everyone else in the family and you have the right to tell him that his disappointment is hurting you and he needs to be more supportive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband really did not care with DD1, was thrilled to have a girl. With pregnancy #2, he definitely wanted a son. Partly because he thought it would be great to raise a son, but also to get the experience of having one of each, and because we were both from families that had one of each (I had a big brother, he was a big brother to a sister).

It felt weird that we were going to experience something different. But, I think he got over it, certainly once she was born. Once you have the baby, it's hard to picture anything else. And because we each grew up in a house with a brother and sister, we have been floored to see our two girls have that sister bond. It is amazing. I'm sure it would be amazing to have a boy and a girl, but it's hard to get upset that our girls each have a sister.

7:32 back. Just wanted to ditto this. The bond between my girls is truly wonderful, and I feel incredibly lucky that they get along and will have that relationship with one another. Sure I know sisters who don't get along, but for the most part the women I know with sisters are truly grateful to have one. So I think that is one thing that might help soften the blow for your husband - the knowledge that even though he's not getting exactly what he wanted for himself, the daughter he already loves will get the benefit of a sister.

And I'd also add you should let your husband feel what he's feeling and just try to let it not impact you / your pregnancy. If he's such a wonderful father already I firmly believe that he WILL come around, so just let him do that in his own time.

[Anonymous]

I was disappointed with a boy for #1. I was even more disappointed with having a second son. Once the baby arrives, you will love them. I cannot imagine life without these boys. They adore one another and have a beautiful brotherly bond. I am sure it is the same with 2 girls!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband really did not care with DD1, was thrilled to have a girl. With pregnancy #2, he definitely wanted a son. Partly because he thought it would be great to raise a son, but also to get the experience of having one of each, and because we were both from families that had one of each (I had a big brother, he was a big brother to a sister).

It felt weird that we were going to experience something different. But, I think he got over it, certainly once she was born. Once you have the baby, it's hard to picture anything else. And because we each grew up in a house with a brother and sister, we have been floored to see our two girls have that sister bond. It is amazing. I'm sure it would be amazing to have a boy and a girl, but it's hard to get upset that our girls each have a sister.

This is our situation exactly. The younger DD is an athlete and her Dad is so smitten with her she can do no wrong. My husband is totally wrapped around both my girls fingers. They have tea parties, puppet shows, they wrestle - my oldest knees her dad in the ribs (and he loves every minute of it!).