going to church, but not Christian, to find community
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Anonymous
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A little background: I am not Christian, and my husband's family is not super religious but they are Christian, yet he is pretty agnostic.
We have a one year old, and I'm realizing quickly that we do not have a community here in Northern Virginia. We have friends that we see when we make plans with them, but it requires a lot of effort and coordination, and we have no real "clique" of friends that we see consistently. We have neighbors, but none that are super close. We have no family in the area. I'm yearning for a community. A place that we go once a week, know people, do activities with them, can find a reliable babysitter that we trust through people that we know, etc. In short, we are looking for a church environment. The problem is that both my husband and I aren't religious, yet we are spiritual (We both believe in a higher power, but we don't really believe in an organized religion). We would feel weird about attending a church and pretending to be Christian when we are not. But we really would like a church like community. Any ideas about how we can find something like that? I know a lot of people say "mom's groups", but those aren't the same at all. Do you think we should go to a church, like a Methodist church that is a little more inclusive, and participate, regardless of the fact that we are not Christian? |
Anonymous
| A lot of people would probably recommend a UU church to someone in your situation. If you want to try Christian churches, be aware that there are more inclusive options than the Methodist Church. |
Anonymous
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I'm Catholic but my first thought would be a Unitarian church.
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Anonymous
like what? |
Anonymous
| Unitarian. |
Anonymous
PP here and I had another thought as I hit Submit. Belonging to a church does not automatically confer community. Like anything else, I think it requires activism, choosing to go to the pancake breakfast in the church hall after services, being part of the altar society or a bible study or whatever other fellowship-type programs the church has so that you do become involved and know and meet people. The challenge for you would be that, the more involved you become, the more obvious it would be that you are not Christian and are not practicing that faith. Unless you are also seeking to find God and develop your faith, it could get awkward at some point, I would think. DH and I are active Catholics in that we attend Mass weekly and are raising our child Catholic. We belong to a large parish, and other than a handful of people I do not feel a huge sense of community at our parish. Not because it's unfriendly or unwelcoming, quite the contrary, I think it has a huge community component, but because we haven't put the time in to build relationships and become active members of the community I do not have deep and meaningful friendships with persons in our parish. We are looking to change that and find ways to become more engaged. Just another thought. |
Anonymous
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I would also recommend checking out a Unitarian Universalist (UU) congregation. For me personally, it is hard to feel a sense of community with a church when I can't honestly support its teachings.
For your amusement, I would recommend the "Belief-O-Matic" quiz from Beliefnet: http://www.beliefnet.com/Entertainment/Quizzes/BeliefOMatic_OLD.aspx |
Anonymous
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Pick a church with lots of young families. Go for several weeks and see how you feel. You'll make your closest friends in Sunday School (or whatever your particular church calls small bible study groups). In the Protestant Churches, it's usually called Sunday School. In the Catholic Church, it's typically something like adult religious education. That's where you'll really get to know people and develop that community you are seeking.
Be open to the experience. You might be surprised to learn that what you are really seeking is more than just a community. |
Anonymous
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I go to a church that is part of my family's culture but that I have a lot of particular gripes with for OP's stated reasons. Honestly, I just play along and enjoy it for what it is. I don't actually believe in most of the stuff they do (and they have a lot of pomp and circumstance). I think a lot of people do this and are not willing to admit it.
I think Unitarian and Methodist churches are both good options. |
Anonymous
Well, if you consider inclusiveness of gays and lesbians, for example, there are: The Episcopal Church (not ACNA congregations) The ELCA branch of the Lutheran Church The Presbyterian Church (USA) branch of the Presbyterian Church The Friends General Conference within the Society of Friends Individual churches within the UCC (Congregationalists) There are probably some very inclusive individual Methodist churches, but their official position on homosexuality is less inclusive. |
Anonymous
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As an active Christian and every-Sunday church attender, I can tell you that you don't have to be a Christian to go to church. Any church worth it's salt should include you even if you don't pretend to be Christian. Any church worth it's salt would also try and convert you under those circumstances, though, and you may not prefer that.
The sad thing is that many churches are not worth their salt. Many churches are not inclusive even of their own Christian members, or do not encourage their members to form a quality community. It's in opposition to what the Bible teaches, but the church is a place where flawed people gather together so there are lots of things that are wrong with any church. But all that to say just going to a church and even getting very active in it might not confer a sense of community - it will distinctively vary from church to church. The kind of church that won't work for you is the kind that wants people to become members (which requires professing to be a Christian) before they can participate in various church activities. What you want is a church that is actively open to new people. But remember - at any Protestant or Catholic church you'll be hearing a lot of things about God and Jesus, and so you get that along with all the people. |
Anonymous
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Like a previous poster said, the way you actually get to know people well at a church is often through small group bible studies and the like--settings where people really share about their struggles and support each other through the hard times of life. I can't imagine "pretending" to be a christian. Sure you can sit in the pews on Sunday and attend a pancake breakfast or two and believe whatever you want but it's through fellowship programs that you really become part of a church community.
I concur that you need to find a congregation where you have a similar type of belief to the majority of the congregants. A Unitarian Church sounds like a good fit! |
Anonymous
| Wouldn't it just be easier to join a pool club? |
Anonymous
| OP, it's OK! I am not religious and neither is DH but he has a Catholic upbringing and so we joined the local Catholic Church. It's fine! Lots and lots of people join churches for this reason! |
Anonymous
OP here After all of the responses, I think it might just be. I've looked into the UU, and while it sounds great, there are none that are close by, and part of seeking a community is finding people that live close to me. I'm totally not opposed to hearing about God. I definitely believe in a God, I just do not believe in many aspects of organized religion. I consider myself to have my own religion, where I know that there is something more but we don't know what that is so I simply live my life as a good person. The aspects of church that really attract me to it are community service and social activities. You don't really find a group that you meet with once a week that participates together in character building activities unless it's religion based. I think that is the problem I'm having. I do not want to pretend to be anything I'm not! |